The story of Goldilocks is pretty well known. A little blond girl breaks into a house owned by a family of anthropomorphic bears and proceeds to jack up their chairs, porridge and beds while they're out doing, I don't know, bear stuff. But what if, instead of being a cute little fairy tale girl with no respect for property, Goldilocks had some sense and happened to be just a little bit of a lush? Well, that'd be me.

I've decided to explore every bar, pub, lounge and dive Milwaukee has to offer – in sets of three, just to be cute. Check back often as I embark on regular bar tours with my self-proclaimed "magical sidekick," Jessie. And don't worry – I'm too much of a taste chameleon to ever find one that's "just right."

The martini. There's just something about this boozy little libation that exudes sophistication. It could have something to do with the classic simplicity of it all, but I'm willing to bet it's got more to do with the glass. The signature angular cup perched on its stem really says it all – and also gives a telling new meaning to the word "sloshed" if you're not careful picking it up.

Thankfully, I made it through with (nearly) all of my drink staying in the glass during this particular adventure. Just as thankfully, nothing called an "appletini" got anywhere near me.

Hi Hat Lounge, 1701 N. Arlington Place

Walking into Hi Hat is like stepping back in time. From the ornate wall accents and marble-lined bar to the well-dressed bartenders and vintage cocktails, the place is teeming in floor-to-ceiling bygone elegance.

According to Jessie, there are two kinds of bartenders: those that enjoy getting creative and those who don't. Hi Hat specializes in the former. In fact, they have a whole day devoted specifically to their cocktail craftsmanship (Monday's Dealer's Choice nights). No worries if you don't have time to start your week off with a drink, though. The bartenders are more than willing to exercise a little creative liberty whenever you choose to stop by.

Even if you're not feeling inventive, the lounge offers a decent selection of standby and original cocktails, including seasonal creations. And yes, there is also a quality lineup of wine and beer for people who don't want to fool around with fancy ingredients.

Elsa's on the Park, 833 N. Jefferson St.

Overlooking Cathedral Square Park and centrally located in the downtown area, Elsa's is a perfect place for a post-work drink or dinner for the 9-to-5 set. Naturally, it's easy to feel a little out of place if you're not dressed for the office yourself, but the crowd balances out not long after 6.

It's also easy to see why the professional set takes such a shine to the place. The bar/restaurant has an air of luxury to it, with a clean, simple style and subdued lighting. They've even gone so far as to print the designated "Women's" and "Men's" on the bottom of the bathroom doors so as not to disrupt the visual flow of the expansive white room.

The big eye-catchers here are the massive Corinthian columns and glowing obelisks that bedeck the front and back of the space. Combined with the world music in the background, Elsa's definitely goes for European appeal. It's like going for drinks in a Roman forum.

While the bartenders here also tend to follow the "If we have the ingredients, we'll make it" philosophy, Elsa's has also compiled a pretty healthy book of available drinks. What I found cute was that the cocktail menu has a little picture of a martini glass next to each drink that comes in one. Now that's convenience.

JoJo's Martini Lounge, 418 N. Mayfair Road, #C, Wauwatosa

Sports bar? Club? Lounge? JoJo's somehow manages to be all of these. You'd think that'd be hard to do, but they pull it off.

With two big screens over the bar, a projection screen on the wall with a non-stop eclectic array of music videos (Lady Gaga, Bon Jovi and 50 Cent back-to-back, anyone?) and lights that bathe the bar in alternating primary colors, JoJo's strikes just the right balance between trendy and over the top.

Even the most ardent anti-'tini drinker will be swayed at JoJo's. The drink menu features page upon page of every combination of liquor imaginable, all made to order and served up in very cool curved stem martini glasses. These are by far my favorite glasses; you just can't help but hold them brandy snifter-style.

Of the three here, JoJo's offers the cheapest 'tini drinks. There are a few upscale exceptions (like the $100 Seal The Deal-tini that serves eight to ten), but most fall on the low end of the $8-$11 price range. There are also regular drink specials throughout the week that'll get you $3 off martinis and discount rail drinks.

And, if you absolutely must, the bar also serves bottles of beer. JoJo's gets the last laugh, though – you'll have to order a beertini to get one.

Interested in future Goldilocks and the Three Bars adventures? Stay tuned here, or follow me on Twitter @Eenergee for bar tour commentary and other fun stuff. And if you want me to drink at your favorite bar, that's what Talkbacks and @Mentions are for.