By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Feb 26, 2018 at 2:36 AM

I had several questions headed into Sunday night's special Women Tell All bonus episode of "The Bachelor." Would Arie get reamed out by both Sienne and Tia? Would Krystal be on the show – and if so, how far would she get verbally punted by each individual cast member? Would ABC keep trying to make Arie's nickname "the kissing bandit" stick? As the end credits ran on the actually entertaining episode, however, a whole new question emerged, begging to be answered. 

So what the hell was Caroline talking about?

Let's just leap right into it. Near the end of the night, as the questions were wrapping up and Arie's time on the hot seat was cooling down, all of a sudden Caroline – best known as Tia's partner-in-whine against Krystal – chimed in with an intriguing question: "How dare you?" with the follow-up of, "Who do you think you are?" She vaguely elaborated, talking about how she knows what Arie did,  that she couldn't believe he did what he did and that he should be ashamed. But ... about what? Thankfully, Harrison was there to ... not ask the obvious follow-up question and instead throw to an extended ad for a new John Cena movie. VERY APPRECIATED, HARRISON! Why do I even keep you around?

Soooooo what the heck was that about? Harrison did very vaguely say that it would reveal itself over the next few weeks, so obviously it's something to do with the finale and Arie's final decision – but from the previews, it looks like his contestant-of-choice is the one who should be looking herself in the mirror, apparently coming on the show with a boyfriend still waiting off-camera. Or is it something else? Between this and the Krystal post-bowling off-camera breakdown (which oddly got some bonus material played tonight instead of back when it would've truly mattered) this season's had a real issue with bringing things to light while leaving the audience in the dark.

In the meantime, however, I'll just assume Caroline was very perturbed about how long Krystal was kept on the show – which in that case VERY FAIR; HOW DARE YOU, ARIE?!

Krystal's return was obviously the featured fight of Sunday's Women Tell All ... though the show took its sweet time in getting to it. The episode instead started with a montage of "classic Women Tell All moments," a classic way to tell the audience, "Oops, we don't have enough new footage to fill two hours." That's OK, because at least we got to remember that time a creepy guy took the show hostage so he could take a photo with Lace and his horrific tattoo of her. Ha ha ha, what a truly enjoyable moment that definitely doesn't play like a real-life horror movie.

After that, Harrison introduced all the ladies, from the familiar faces to the women axed on day one who would politely stay quiet for the rest of the night. (Who the hell was Olivia?) He starts with a softball about how attracted everyone was to Arie – everyone's requisite answer: VERY! – before diving into a meaty debate on ... glam-shaming? This thing again? Always rely on "The Bachelor" to beat every joke and character six feet into the ground.

That fruitful conversation led to a testy exchange between Tia and Bekah M. about whether she was mature enough for Arie's heart. Or, to be more accurate, a 26-year-old was lecturing a 22-year-old about being old and wise. I don't know who won that fight (that's a lie; it was Bekah M. with that knockout line about Tia's pre-Arie dating history), but I certainly know who lost it: Sienne, who was stuck right in the middle of this bickering, probably thinking long and hard about how she got to this moment and shedding a single tear over her Yale diploma. She eventually got some one-on-one conversation time with Harrison and confirmed: She is still definitely too good for this ish.

Finally, however, we got to the main event: Krystal versus ... well, everyone (especially that one audience member the cameras cut to who was NOT AMUSED by her). A clip show nicely reminds the audience of what all happened (like remember when Arie took her home to meet his family on the first date? Mistakes were made ... ) including an extended version of her post-bowling date rant with much more pointed name-calling. WHY DIDN'T WE SEE MORE OF THIS BEFORE?! 

The conversation eventually turned into a pummeling, as every contestant pretty much got a punch in on Krystal and her time on the show. Sienne lifted the veil a bit on the show, talking about how the San Diego native tried to be friendly off-camera but turned into the condescending character with the lights on, while Caroline harrumphed about the name calling ("needle-d*ck" and the dreaded C-word, if my amateur lip-reading serves correctly). Krystal attempts to blame it on the premise of the show, to which Bibiana nicely volleys back: "So why did you sign up for it?" (See, Harrison, that's called a follow-up question!)

Even freaking Mystery Woman Olivia got to dunk on Krystal, pointing out that, hey, what the hell happened to your voice? You're right, Random Lady; shouldn't she be sounding like an ASMR video?! Apparently she just lost her voice ... for six weeks. But I guess we can't make fun of Krystal too much because she reveals her long-lost brother living on the streets supposedly saw her on an episode and therefore decided to come back home and reunite with the family. BEHOLD, THE HEALING POWER OF "THE BACHELOR"!

After the women finish using Krystal as a verbal speedbag, it's Bekah M.'s turn in the hot seat, answering a few more questions about her age – and shading the hell out of Arie in the process, noting that her age revealed more of his insecurities about how old he'd become rather than her immaturity. She also sets the record straight on her bizarre "missing person" status, calmly explaining that she'd just gone to a marijuana farm with a bad cell signal. Well that clears that up just fine. Harrison ends the bit by revealing that – duh – she will be a contest on "Bachelor in Paradise," something she audibly calls "my worst nightmare by the way." But I'll be happy to have two extra weeks of her delightfully expressive reaction shots. 

Thus far, the Women Tell All is already one of the best episodes of the season – mostly because it's just the women pin-balling off one another while boring Arie isn't around to throw a damp, drab towel over the evening's fun. But that could only last so long. After Tia gets a brief moment in the spotlight, getting emotional while watching her surprise axing last week, Harrison brings out Arie to face his 26 new ex-girlfriends. And oddly enough, Arie is ... interesting? Like, he gives some honest answers to the questions peppering in from across the contestants – perhaps too honest, as he mentions that he would've definitely done things differently if given the chance and that he has "regrets."

Oooooh boy, he's definitely ending this thing single. 

He even gets a few reps in on the evening's punching bag, Krystal, straight-up saying that if he'd seen her behavior when they weren't together, she would've been gone weeks earlier. And that's even not having seen the clip of her calling him "needle d*ck" ... which AGAIN SOMEHOW ABC DOESN'T PLAY FOR HIM. The crowd chanted for it and everything. Is Harrison trying to get fired? I don't even understand you any more: A man watching his catty ex call him horrible names behind his back is EXACTLY why God invented reality television. 

Though he ignores our cries for that, Harrison does deliver some entertaining bloopers that reveal that somehow Arie is even worse with words than we'd imagined. If you ever thought, "Man, THIS is the best take they got," you are somehow correct, as the man can't stop fumbling through sentences and ending them with a defeated "merp" sound. Also revealed in the blooper reel: Bibiana actually did find love on "The Bachelor." It was just with a delicious burger. It looked like In-And-Out, though, so FAIR ENOUGH. 

Technically there was a whole 20 minutes after this, but really that was product placement for the new comedy "Blockers" not "The Bachelor," so we'll just end this here. I've usually been disappointed by Women Tell All episodes, usually talking myself out of sticking my head in a roaring fireplace as a bunch of people I've long forgotten loudly talk over one another. But this one was fun, with zings flinging across the room and audience members way too eagerly nodding their heads in approval while wearing dorky masks. In case you needed more evidence, clearly the women were the real stars this season. 

And now I guess we'll find out which one gets stuck with the supposed star of the show – and how he apparently offended Caroline in the process. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.