I am all about seeing a problem and then finding a solution.
My hair's too long, I get a haircut. I'm hungry, I eat. I'm thirsty, I drink. I can't stand local television news, I watch CNN. You get the idea.
The world of sports is no exception. I've been noticing a lot of problem areas lately, and I think I've got some solutions.
Problem: There's this huge controversy going on in the world of swimming over the new suits that are made totally of polyurethane. It's buoyant, so that you don't have to work hard to stay up. All you have to do is swim forward. Janet Evans, the great swimmer, says these suits are making a mockery of the sport. You've got to take her seriously because when she swam 20 years ago, her main competition was the East German women, many of whom had bushy mustaches. She wants the suits outlawed and records established with the suits to be removed from the record book.
Solution: Make them all swim naked.
Problem: What are we to do about the Secretary of the Department of Natural Resources? The trouble started with our lifetime governor, Tommy Thompson, who has more monuments to himself in Wisconsin than seems appropriate. Before Thompson got to be governor, there were four DNR secretaries in the previous 41 years. Since he changed the law so he got to appoint the secretary, we've had the same number. Thompson took the power to appoint away from the DNR Board and grabbed it himself. To say that this made the job ripe for political hacks is an understatement. They're debating the issue in Madison now.
Solution: Have a Coho salmon fishing contest and whoever lands the biggest one gets to be secretary. It might end up being Secretary Uecker (a noted Coho fisherman).
Problem: Every couple of years, our favorite Commissioner of Baseball finds himself face-to-face with the issue of what to do about Pete Rose and the Hall of Fame. He continues to be a hard-liner on this issue, maintaining the Rose ban that the player agreed to in exchange for baseball not making an official finding regarding his gambling. Rose has paid his price. He ought to be in. And the other thing is that I wonder why Bud Selig has veto power. I mean the Hall of Fame is run by private interests. Since when does Bud Selig get to tell them what to do? That's kind of like the President of the United States getting to tell General Motors how to build cars. Ridiculous.
Solution: Bud Selig punts the whole thing over to the guys who run the Hall of Fame, who recognize that they'd become heroes by putting Rose into the Hall.
Problem: The Packers have a new defense. Instead of the hallowed 4-3, they are going with a 3-4, despite the fact that they haven't really added any personnel familiar with that particular scheme. What we are going to get during the season is a lot of long-winded, very technical answers about how that defense is doing. How are we going to decide whether it's any good or not?
Solution: We add up the points we get each week and add up the points the other guys get. That should give us a real good idea.
Problem: No Brett Favre.
Solution: The Vikings go unbeaten through the first seven games, winning each game, 3-0. Brad Childress hears the ticking clock and calls Hattiesburg.
Problem: Michael Vick is probably going to play professional football again.
Solution: Cheerleaders for his new team come from PETA.
Problem: The Bucks top pick, point guard Brandon Jennings, has a reputation as both a very skilled player and kind of a kid without much in the way of boundaries. The Bucks have always placed a high value of character and on players who know how to behave in public. The issue is whether Jennings will be a model citizen.
Solution: Let him be a little bit of a jerk. You don't win NBA titles with a team full of choir and altar boys. I really wouldn't mind a little bit of misbehaving.
Problem: The Brewers are fading into the mist. What happened to all the excitement of last year?
Solution: I don't have the slightest idea.
Problem: Tiger swears (The F-bomb is his favorite) and slams his clubs and you can hear it and see it on television. There are a lot of puritans who are aghast that an athlete might respond angrily when he hits a bad shot or blows a chance or something. The bluenoses are complaining that this is a bad, bad thing for our children to see and will raise a generation of people who swear.
Solution: Hey Bluenose! Get over it!
With a history in Milwaukee stretching back decades, Dave tries to bring a unique perspective to his writing, whether it's sports, politics, theater or any other issue.
He's seen Milwaukee grow, suffer pangs of growth, strive for success and has been involved in many efforts to both shape and re-shape the city. He's a happy man, now that he's quit playing golf, and enjoys music, his children and grandchildren and the myriad of sports in this state. He loves great food and hates bullies and people who think they are smarter than everyone else.
This whole Internet thing continues to baffle him, but he's willing to play the game as long as OnMilwaukee.com keeps lending him a helping hand. He is constantly amazed that just a few dedicated people can provide so much news and information to a hungry public.
Despite some opinions to the contrary, Dave likes most stuff. But he is a skeptic who constantly wonders about the world around him. So many questions, so few answers.
