Your best friend is getting married, she's asked you to be in the wedding, but you have no idea what "being in the wedding" entails. Whether you're a bridesmaid or a Maid/Matron of Honor, after participating in countless weddings, we have some good tips for helping your friend have a great wedding experience.
How to be the best bridesmaid
As a bridesmaid, your role is to help the bride and groom with their tasks and ultimately help make their wedding as enjoyable as possible.
Although the Maid of Honor is the primary go-to person for the couple, as a bridesmaid let them know you're available to help with the invitation mailing, organizing the favors or helping with the seating chart. You are not part of the wedding to only stand up in a matching dress and smile in the photos.
If the bride is asking you to choose a dress, try to join the dress-shop ride-along, if you don't you forfeit your right to complain about the style chosen. If you are paying for your dress, let the bride know of a comfortable price range for you. Some women can get a bit out of control and might not realize that a $300 bridesmaid dress is not a reasonable choice for her friends -- especially when you add the potential cost of new shoes, alterations, undergarments and professional hair and/or makeup.
You and the other bridesmaids will most likely be responsible for hosting a bridal shower prior to the wedding, (unless a family member hosts the whole shebang). Hopefully the type of shower that is chosen will be appropriate for everyone's pocketbook and schedule, however if it isn't let the others know. If the Maid of Honor wants to a catered lunch for 50 at a ritzy club that's going to set you back rent for a month, suggest hosting a smaller gathering at someone's home or a less expensive location. If you are invited to multiple showers, do not feel you must bring a gift to every shower -- one gift is enough. If you still feel you can't come empty handed then bring a card.
Once the big day arrives, coordinate with the other bridesmaids on items like who will bring breakfast to the salon, who is driving and who has the "emergency kit" of safety pins and pantyhose (see below).
Prior to the ceremony, try not to crowd the bride (as she may start to get emotional), hold your flowers at your navel and don't trot down the aisle.
After the ceremony, give the bride and groom some alone time if possible, participate in the receiving line if necessary and don't stray too far if photos are to be taken following the ceremony. Also, help the bride and groom with their photos by directing family members to stay near and be aware they will be needed for photos shortly.
During the cocktail hour and reception you are there to work the party. So mingle and socialize. You are also there to start the dancing and keep it going throughout the night. This doesn't mean you have to be a party animal or be in on every polka, but please do not sit in the corner sipping your soda looking bored.
Also, you should not be among the first to leave the wedding. As other guests begin to leave, help send them home with favors or the flower arrangement from their table. Check to make sure purses and cameras aren't left behind and answer any questions the event staff may have about closing down the party. If the party is moving on to another venue after the band ends, let the wedding guests know.
As a supporting member of the wedding day cast, have fun and enjoy yourself.
Maid of Honor Guidelines
In addition to performing the role of bridesmaid, the Maid or Matron of Honor (MOH) has additional wedding tasks. You set the tone for the wedding party, are the leader of the bridesmaid pack and the liaison to the groomsmen. You are the sounding board for the bride (and groom) when wedding planning becomes too stressful, and the ombudsman for the bridesmaids if the bride becomes unbearable. You are the glue that keeps everything running smoothly.
With that in mind, know that the bride chose you from her friends and family for many reasons, but one is that she trusts you will take on the task and help keep her, and everything else organized.
Once you accept the mission to be the MOH, know that you are now the bride's on-call person. You'll know your friend's personality best, but understand that even the most level-headed bride may have their moment of freak out ranging from "My mother is evil," to "The bridesmaid dresses were supposed to be lavender not periwinkle!"
Carrie Beuning, a season MOH/bridesmaid with 11 weddings under her belt, says as MOH your main job is to keep the bride and groom focused on what is important when events become stressful.
"Don't ever tell them what to do, you want them to come to their own conclusions, it's their wedding not yours. So ask questions and they will discover the correct answers themselves," she said.
As mentioned earlier in the bridesmaid section, you will be responsible for hosting a shower for friends of the bride and groom unless a family member is hosting a giant all-inclusive shower. Look to the other bridesmaids for input on shower ideas and try to keep a budget that is reasonable for everyone.
You are also responsible for organizing the bachelorette party. For tips on planning that see http://onmilwaukee.com/wedding/articles/bacheloretteguide2.html. If possible, try not to plan it the weekend of the wedding to give all the women in the wedding time to recuperate.
As the wedding weekend approaches, help the bride and groom finalize the seating chart, the guest list, the food count, and other small tasks that have to wait until the last minute. Confer with the bride to see how she wants to plan her bridal preparation for the day: Does she want to have a sleepover the night before with all the bridesmaids then caravan to the salon and the ceremony? Or are you supposed to pick her up in the morning from her home?
If the bride and groom are staying overnight in a hotel after the ceremony, see if you can drop the bride's overnight bag off at the front desk prior to the wedding. If not, make sure she has one packed and that it goes with her to the hotel.
The day of the wedding make sure the bride eats, that there's tissue on hand and to give her space if she needs it. Also, try to run interference with the people who will barrage her prior to the ceremony with questions (the florist, the caterer, the wedding officiant, etc.). If you don't know the answers ask her, but by this time you'll know the event inside and out.
Keep her calm prior to the ceremony. During the ceremony hold her flowers and straighten her train (although not too many times). Have an extra hankie if she needs it. After the ceremony, meet for the reception line if there is one and greet the guests. Prior to photos, let the bride and groom have some space then fix the bride's makeup if needed and go meet the photographer.
At the reception, you should make a speech at the start of dinner. If you are a shy person, keep it short and just wish the new couple health and happiness. However, if you enjoy giving speeches, try to keep it short but make it more relevant to the couple. Refrain from off-humor or inside jokes as the other 150 people in the room won't know what you're talking about.
Try to keep tabs on the bride, that she has a beverage (or if she's had too many that she gets some water) and help her out in the ladies room if she has a giant dress. Also, prior to dinner, help the bride bustle her dress to avoid any falls at the head table.
Again, don't be the first to leave and if any items are left at the reception area, arrange with the staff the person (most likely you) who will pick the times the following Sunday or Monday.
Wedding Day Emergency Kit: (some suggestions for avoiding mishaps)
How to be the best bridesmaid
As a bridesmaid, your role is to help the bride and groom with their tasks and ultimately help make their wedding as enjoyable as possible.
Although the Maid of Honor is the primary go-to person for the couple, as a bridesmaid let them know you're available to help with the invitation mailing, organizing the favors or helping with the seating chart. You are not part of the wedding to only stand up in a matching dress and smile in the photos.
If the bride is asking you to choose a dress, try to join the dress-shop ride-along, if you don't you forfeit your right to complain about the style chosen. If you are paying for your dress, let the bride know of a comfortable price range for you. Some women can get a bit out of control and might not realize that a $300 bridesmaid dress is not a reasonable choice for her friends -- especially when you add the potential cost of new shoes, alterations, undergarments and professional hair and/or makeup.
You and the other bridesmaids will most likely be responsible for hosting a bridal shower prior to the wedding, (unless a family member hosts the whole shebang). Hopefully the type of shower that is chosen will be appropriate for everyone's pocketbook and schedule, however if it isn't let the others know. If the Maid of Honor wants to a catered lunch for 50 at a ritzy club that's going to set you back rent for a month, suggest hosting a smaller gathering at someone's home or a less expensive location. If you are invited to multiple showers, do not feel you must bring a gift to every shower -- one gift is enough. If you still feel you can't come empty handed then bring a card.
Once the big day arrives, coordinate with the other bridesmaids on items like who will bring breakfast to the salon, who is driving and who has the "emergency kit" of safety pins and pantyhose (see below).
Prior to the ceremony, try not to crowd the bride (as she may start to get emotional), hold your flowers at your navel and don't trot down the aisle.
After the ceremony, give the bride and groom some alone time if possible, participate in the receiving line if necessary and don't stray too far if photos are to be taken following the ceremony. Also, help the bride and groom with their photos by directing family members to stay near and be aware they will be needed for photos shortly.
During the cocktail hour and reception you are there to work the party. So mingle and socialize. You are also there to start the dancing and keep it going throughout the night. This doesn't mean you have to be a party animal or be in on every polka, but please do not sit in the corner sipping your soda looking bored.
Also, you should not be among the first to leave the wedding. As other guests begin to leave, help send them home with favors or the flower arrangement from their table. Check to make sure purses and cameras aren't left behind and answer any questions the event staff may have about closing down the party. If the party is moving on to another venue after the band ends, let the wedding guests know.
As a supporting member of the wedding day cast, have fun and enjoy yourself.
Maid of Honor Guidelines
In addition to performing the role of bridesmaid, the Maid or Matron of Honor (MOH) has additional wedding tasks. You set the tone for the wedding party, are the leader of the bridesmaid pack and the liaison to the groomsmen. You are the sounding board for the bride (and groom) when wedding planning becomes too stressful, and the ombudsman for the bridesmaids if the bride becomes unbearable. You are the glue that keeps everything running smoothly.
With that in mind, know that the bride chose you from her friends and family for many reasons, but one is that she trusts you will take on the task and help keep her, and everything else organized.
Once you accept the mission to be the MOH, know that you are now the bride's on-call person. You'll know your friend's personality best, but understand that even the most level-headed bride may have their moment of freak out ranging from "My mother is evil," to "The bridesmaid dresses were supposed to be lavender not periwinkle!"
Carrie Beuning, a season MOH/bridesmaid with 11 weddings under her belt, says as MOH your main job is to keep the bride and groom focused on what is important when events become stressful.
"Don't ever tell them what to do, you want them to come to their own conclusions, it's their wedding not yours. So ask questions and they will discover the correct answers themselves," she said.
As mentioned earlier in the bridesmaid section, you will be responsible for hosting a shower for friends of the bride and groom unless a family member is hosting a giant all-inclusive shower. Look to the other bridesmaids for input on shower ideas and try to keep a budget that is reasonable for everyone.
You are also responsible for organizing the bachelorette party. For tips on planning that see http://onmilwaukee.com/wedding/articles/bacheloretteguide2.html. If possible, try not to plan it the weekend of the wedding to give all the women in the wedding time to recuperate.
As the wedding weekend approaches, help the bride and groom finalize the seating chart, the guest list, the food count, and other small tasks that have to wait until the last minute. Confer with the bride to see how she wants to plan her bridal preparation for the day: Does she want to have a sleepover the night before with all the bridesmaids then caravan to the salon and the ceremony? Or are you supposed to pick her up in the morning from her home?
If the bride and groom are staying overnight in a hotel after the ceremony, see if you can drop the bride's overnight bag off at the front desk prior to the wedding. If not, make sure she has one packed and that it goes with her to the hotel.
The day of the wedding make sure the bride eats, that there's tissue on hand and to give her space if she needs it. Also, try to run interference with the people who will barrage her prior to the ceremony with questions (the florist, the caterer, the wedding officiant, etc.). If you don't know the answers ask her, but by this time you'll know the event inside and out.
Keep her calm prior to the ceremony. During the ceremony hold her flowers and straighten her train (although not too many times). Have an extra hankie if she needs it. After the ceremony, meet for the reception line if there is one and greet the guests. Prior to photos, let the bride and groom have some space then fix the bride's makeup if needed and go meet the photographer.
At the reception, you should make a speech at the start of dinner. If you are a shy person, keep it short and just wish the new couple health and happiness. However, if you enjoy giving speeches, try to keep it short but make it more relevant to the couple. Refrain from off-humor or inside jokes as the other 150 people in the room won't know what you're talking about.
Try to keep tabs on the bride, that she has a beverage (or if she's had too many that she gets some water) and help her out in the ladies room if she has a giant dress. Also, prior to dinner, help the bride bustle her dress to avoid any falls at the head table.
Again, don't be the first to leave and if any items are left at the reception area, arrange with the staff the person (most likely you) who will pick the times the following Sunday or Monday.
Wedding Day Emergency Kit: (some suggestions for avoiding mishaps)
- Safety pins
- Kleenex or Handkerchiefs (a nicer touch that doesn't disintegrate or shed)
- Aspirin or Ibuprofen
- Deodorant
- Waterproof mascara
- Hairspray
- Pantyhose
- Band-Aids
- Tums
- Pepto Bismol or Imodium A-D
- Granola bars or energy bars in case the bride forgets to eat
- Bottled water
- A hand-held steamer or travel iron
- Clear nail polish
- Batteries (AA for cameras)
- Wet wipes
- Stain remover like Shout wipes or a Tide pen
- Lady products
- Nail polish remover in portable wipes
