Modern horror movies tend to work better as comedies than anything else. From the "Scream" sequels to the debacles known as "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and its follow up, just to name a few, scary movies are decidedly scare free and often laughably bad. They don't make them like they used to.
Hoping to buck the recent trend of low quality fright films, New Line Cinema unleashes rap superstar Snoop Doggy Dog in "Bones," a film it hopes to turn into a franchise. It's too bad that Snoop turns out to be about as scary as a cute puppy. As an actor, Snoop Dog has no bite.
All horror movies start out with a victim or two in an effort to establish fear. This one is no different. Two rich kids in a fancy car travel to a run down neighborhood to buy some drugs. When they have to run from the cops, they hide out in an abandoned, spooky house. You can guess the rest.
Cut to the next morning. A group of young adults pay a visit to the same house. Patrick (Khalil Kain) is the ringleader. He has bought the house and plans to turn it into a nightclub. Along with his two brothers and sister, he moves in and starts to fix up the place, which is in awful shape.
Before long, a psychic named Pearl (Pam Grier), who lives near the house, warns Patrick to stay away from it. She tells him that it's a bad place with evil in it. But she seems crazy and he blows her off.
Of course, Pearl is right and the house is a bad place. The spirit of Jimmy Bones (Snoop Dog) haunts it. Jimmy was a neighborhood legend who lived in the house some 20 years back. He was betrayed by his friends, brutally murdered and then buried in the basement. Now he wants revenge.
"Bones" is a mess on every level. For starters, it's over-directed by the once promising Ernest Dickerson ("Juice"), who used to be Spike Lee's cinematographer. He goes way overboard with jerky camera movements and weird angles. Clearly he tried to make a stylish film but it feels forced and phony.
The acting and writing are just as weak. Grier overacts shamelessly, as do most of the adult characters, while the youngsters are merely present to do stupid things and get killed. Snoop Dog, sporting fancy suits and long hair, looks silly and unthreatening. He is far from menacing and only succeeds in generating unintentional laughs. Only the charismatic Kain emerges unscathed.
The story is just your typical revenge fare. The screenplay, by Adam Simon and Tim Metcalfe, is full of cliched dialogue and one-dimensional characters. By the end, it all becomes absurd and incoherent. The blood and gore start working overtime, to no avail. Not even the special effects work. They are cheesy and look fake, including the blood, which changes color and thickness from scene to scene.
When all is said and done, "Bones" doesn't supply a single jump or scream. If you want to see a scary movie this Halloween rent a good one and stay home.
Grade: D-
"Bones" opened at theaters everywhere on Wed., Oct. 24. Click here for showtimes.
