The Brewers unveiled new concessions, merchandise and stadium features at their Media Day event at Miller Park.

The team is still down in Arizona for spring training – manager Craig Counsell announced Monday that pitcher Wily Peralta will be the starter for Opening Day on April 4 – but the club’s marketing and events staff, as well as chef Seth Vanderlaan, were in Milwaukee to happily show off a host of new additions for the upcoming season.

Among those are novel culinary offerings including the Banh Mi Brat and Buffalo Chicken Fries, a recently completed executive suite for corporate meetings, a renovated Home Plate Store selling fresh merchandise (especially hats!) and three interactive attractions where kids can throw and hit at the U.S. Cellular Power Playground.

With the on-field product not expected to be competitive this year as the Brewers undergo an organizational rebuild under new general manager David Stearns, the improved off-field products should keep fans happy – or at least heartily fed – no matter what the score is in the game.

The news of Peralta being named Opening Day starter means the start of regular-season baseball is almost here, and it’s time to make roster predictions. And, given the gastronomic experience the Brewers put the media through, there’s really no other way to do this.

Here is Milwaukee’s 2016 projected lineup – presented, obviously, as the 10 new food items at Miller Park.

1. Supper Club Ham and Cheese Sandwich

2B Scooter Gennett

Serviceable and well-liked but not flashy, the All-American guy with a nickname that’s both old-fashioned and kidlike is the ham and cheese of the Brewers. Gennett had a solid .264/.294/.381 slash line last year and, while he’s not a threat to be a Silver Slugger, he’ll pleasantly surprise you sometimes, like he did last week when he went 3 for 3 with a home run in his spring debut. That pleasant surprise in this ciabatta-roll sandwich is the pimento cheese spread and gherkin pickles, which make it zesty and just a little bit different than what you’re expecting.

2. Wisconsin Dog

C Jonathan Lucroy

As close to a native son as the Brewers have after several trades and departures over last the eight years, Lucroy is at least an adopted Wisconsinite. A ubiquitous voice on local radio and omnipresent at community events around Milwaukee, the veteran catcher – despite comments about being in favor of a trade to a contender – is the most beloved player on the team. It’s practically sacrilege that the Wisconsin Dog, which is a Klement’s hot dog with bacon and beer jam sauerkraut, doesn’t have any cheese on it. But you can still hear fans who’ve had too much of the "sauerkraut" incessantly yelling "Luuuuuuuuuuucccc!!!" throughout the entire fourth inning of a June loss to Cincinnati.

3. Buffalo Chicken Fries

LF Ryan Braun

From 2007 through 2012, Braun was one of the most popular and productive players not only in Milwaukee, but in all of baseball. He was talented and exciting, and the Brewers signing him to a contract that keeps him here through 2020 seemed like a great idea at the time. But then, the PED problems surfaced, and the disgraced former MVP missed much of 2013-14 due to injuries and a suspension for violating the league’s drug policy. It’s been hard to get that taste out of fans’ mouths, and there’s presumably some regret to signing Braun to such a lengthy, burdensome contract.

That’s the best way to describe the Buffalo Chicken Fries, which are waffle fries with pulled chicken, buffalo sauce, cheese sauce and blue cheese dressing. They’re delicious, they’re palatably exhilarating and they seem like a great idea when you’re eating them. But later, when you’re done, you will not be able to move your body, you will have buffalo sauce dwelling in your mouth all day and you may regret your decision. But Braun had a bounce-back, strong season last year (.285 batting average, 25 home runs), so, what the hell, dive into those fries and forget about regret!

4. Stormin’ Gorman’s BBQ Pulled Pork

1B Chris Carter

No food better personifies its player than the BBQ Pulled Pork sandwich, named for one of the Brewers’ most famous sluggers, which is the sweet, simple, meaty embodiment of the new likely first baseman. Over the past three seasons, Carter has averaged 30 home runs a year. His power, like the mound of Carolina-style BBQ pulled pork on this thing, is momentous. However, he also had a .216 average and struck out 182 times a season over those past three years. So, when he’s not socking dingers, he’s not really doing anything else. That’s exactly what you’re getting with this sandwich: a ton of pulled pork and literally nothing else on a buttery roll. During the late 1970s and early '80s, Stormin’ Gorman Thomas, a power-hitting and oft-whiffing outfielder for the Brewers, was pretty much the same player Carter is.

5. Jalapeno Popper Dog

RF Domingo Santana

Now wait, before you jump all over us for picking a Dominican player for the jalapeno dog, remember that there are a few Latino players we could have chosen, so at least hear us out on why we picked Santana. The strong-as-an-ox right fielder hit three homers in his first six games with Milwaukee last year after being acquired from Houston. He had a five-RBI game on Sept. 19. The reason the Brewers traded for him was because he has plenty of pop. The Jalapeno Popper Dog – a Klement’s hot dog with fried jalapenos and cheese sauce – is perfect for Santana. Also, he’s Latino. It makes sense! Sue us.

6. Turkey Focaccia Sandwich

3B Aaron Hill

If Scooter Gennett is a ham and cheese, Hill is a turkey and cheese –but featuring a fancy Italian fontina and a sophisticated pesto aioli that makes it a more grown-up, artisanal eating experience (/punches self in mouth). Regardless of all that, turkey is a healthier meat, and that seems like something the 34-year-old veteran trying to prolong his 11-season career would appreciate. Lean poultry, that’ll keep this third baseman from being over-the-Hill (sorry.)

7. Banh Mi Brat

SS Jonathan Villar

Like Vietnamese food, most of us don’t know much about Villar (yes, you’ve had Banh mi and pho, but you can’t pronounce them correctly, so shut up). A 24-year-old acquired from Houston in the Cy Sneed trade, he batted .284 last year and has shown good base-stealing ability (35 steals in 145 games his first two seasons). That part that we know is the brat. Then there’s all the stuff we don’t know – power, defense, plate discipline, whether he'll go by "Jon" or "Jonny" in the clubhouse because Lucroy's already got the name's full version. That’s the Asian slaw, cilantro lime mayo and Banh mi bun. Will Villar and the Banh Mi Brat be consistently impressive, or just a flavor-of-the-month trend like 2013 Jean Segura or Asian fusion restaurants?

8. Soba Noodle Salad

CF Keon Broxton

Look, this dude can flat-out fly. Broxton stole 64 bases over the last two seasons in the minor leagues. He’s one of the most physically gifted players the Brewers have, but has yet to put it all together at the big-league level. Having said that, the dude can run, he's having a strong spring training (.348 average, six steals in 23 at bats), and we believe he'll be starting in center field. If the 6-foot-3, 195-pounder is eating anything else besides Soba Noodle Salad – a mélange of noodles, carrots, cucumber, red onion, edamame, sesame seeds and chili lime vinaigrette – we’d be surprised. Maybe if he got on the Stormin’ Gorman pork diet, he’d boost those power numbers (25 homers the past two years), too.

9. Racing Sausages Chili Loaded Potato

SP Wily Peralta

The big righty (6-1, 255) likes to eat. That much has been evidenced by his prodigious work on the postgame spread. He’s also got a hot streak to him, with the occasional demonstrative display of emotion on the mound (shouting into his glove after allowing a homer, pumping his fist after a big strikeout). He led the team in wins in 2014 with 17, but then saw his ERA balloon to 4.80 last year. Peralta’s plus slider is the Racing Sausages™ chili (don’t ask us what secret the trademark is keeping) to his mid-90s fastball that is the baked potato. There’s also the requisite cheddar cheese and sour cream in this behemoth, which makes it all filling enough for the staff’s nominal No. 1 starter.

10. Baby Spice Doughnut and Custard Sandwich

RP Will Smith/Jeremy Jeffress

Dessert always comes last and, assuming the Brewers head into the ninth inning with a lead in a game this season, they’ll presumably have either Smith or Jeffress come in last to close it out. So far in spring training, the team has used both relievers, and they could go with a closer-by-committee approach during the season – something that wouldn’t be surprising given the tactic is a newer trend popular among younger analytics types, and Stearns and Counsell skew in that direction.

Anyway, both Smith and Jeffress are big, strong and excitable late-game pitchers with a penchant for spicy behavior. While neither can necessarily be described as "sweet," both would no doubt enjoy being compared to this mouthwatering, delectable, incredibly indulgent treat that – wow, we forget to even describe it yet – is a Holy Moly sugar doughnut sandwich stuffed with salted caramel, chocolate ganache sauce, vanilla custard and pieces of more doughnuts. Mmmm, doughnuts. Mmmm, baseball.