All right, so you could say last week was a tad rocky. Admittedly, 3-5 is not that great a record. However, don’t I get a little time to adjust here? I mean, I just stepped into the batter’s box and already you’re trying to quick pitch me? Come on. How about a little compassion? I haven’t even had time to spit Skoal juice or adjust my cup yet.
Patience.
Plus, in keeping with the baseball-related theme, it is worth mentioning that three out of eight is hitting at a .375 clip. That’s pretty good. You slap a uniform on me and I’m in the running for a batting title. And, when you consider that I correctly picked Nebraska and UCLA last week, well those are two home runs right there. So, basically, I’m hitting almost .400 with two homers.
Hell, I’m Albert Pujols.
On to this week’s picks (picks are against the point spread in bold):
No. 11 Clemson (-4.5) at Virginia Tech -- College football on Thursday night is a lot like an appetizer at Applebee’s. You aren’t really interested and you just sort of pick at it because it’s there and you feel obligated. However, every now and again someone brilliant orders the spinach dip and, next thing you know, you can’t get enough and you’re cramming your face and now you have stains all over your fancy new dress shirt from Old Navy.
This game is spinach dip-esque. Sit back and enjoy Clemson running back James Davis. This guy makes P.J. Hill look like he’s running in Wolverine construction boots.
Illinois at No. 18 Wisconsin (-22) -- So, the Badgers have a home football game starting at 11 a.m. in the same city and on the same day as the wildest Halloween festivities in the world. This is the plan Madison officials devised to squelch the riotous behavior in their city during Halloween weekend?
Interesting.
Why don’t we just run the Packers out of the tunnel immediately following the Badgers and let them play? Then perhaps we could open up State Street for a city-wide beer pong tournament. Then maybe Miller Lite could sponsor booths handing out free samples. You know, like Aquafina does at marathons?
After their loss to Michigan, the Badgers have been rolling. I mean crushing teams. Of course, they are yet to have their annual, "What in the world happened there? We had absolutely no business losing that football game" game.
Could it be this week against Illinois? I hope not. Illinois is brutally bad.
Penn State (-3) at Purdue -- Have you ever woken up post 12 cocktails on Saturday morning only to find ESPN Plus broadcasting a game like this? The game is so horribly boring that the only way to tolerate it is to randomly flip on clips of "The Whole Nine Yards" or "Face Off" or whatever two-star movie is running on TNT or TBS or USA?
This is that game.
By the way, did you realize that it is a stipulation in network contracting that a Bruce Willis or John Travolta movie must be running at all times on Saturdays? It’s true. Check it out. You can’t make thinks like this up.
This is a tough game to call. Penn State doesn’t cover on the road and Purdue doesn’t cover against anybody good. I’ll go with Joe Paterno. He has thicker glasses than Joe Tiller. Obviously, he must be able to see the field better.
Minnesota at No. 1 Ohio State (-27) -- This is just getting ridiculous. There is simply no way a perennially strong Big 10 team like the Gophers should be getting 27 points against the Buckeyes. I don’t care if the game is being played in Columbus. OSU should not be favored by 27. Their head coach wears a sweater vest. Come on.
No. 10 Notre Dame (-13) at Navy -- Notre Dame has beaten Navy 43 games in a row. However, since ND is so erratic this season, I have been regulated to using the gamblers’ opposite theory (see last week’s column) just to get Notre Dame victories. It appears I should go with Navy.
However, I can’t. If the Irish can’t knock off Navy by more than two touchdowns, they have much bigger problems than their sieve-like offensive line and their uninspired tackling.
Also, here’s a fun tidbit. Brian Hampton, Navy’s starting quarterback, went down with a season-ending injury on Oct. 14. Thus, the Midshipmen are now starting sophomore quarterback Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada against the Irish.
I’m serious about this. Not like the Travolta thing.
#25 Georgia at No. 8 Florida (-13.5) -- Every now and then, out of nowhere, something in the sports world will shock me. This happened a few times this past week. Like when I found out that Mookie Wilson is the stepfather to St. Louis Cardinals’ outfielder Preston Wilson. And when I found out that ESPN is still running Cold Pizza. And when I noticed Georgia is still ranked. Georgia’s last three victories have come by a total of nine points against Colorado, Mississippi and Mississippi State (teams with a 5-19 combined record). The swamp is not where you want to go while struggling.
No. 22 Texas A.M. (-4.5) at Baylor -- The Aggies are quickly becoming my "we are fine floating below the radar" team. They are 7-1 and have covered three consecutive conference games against Kansas, Missouri and Oklahoma State.
Baylor is also seriously underrated as well, but Texas A.M. is battle tested having won each of the last two weeks in the waning moments. Also, Baylor gave up 63 points to a freshman quarterback named Colt.
Patience.
Plus, in keeping with the baseball-related theme, it is worth mentioning that three out of eight is hitting at a .375 clip. That’s pretty good. You slap a uniform on me and I’m in the running for a batting title. And, when you consider that I correctly picked Nebraska and UCLA last week, well those are two home runs right there. So, basically, I’m hitting almost .400 with two homers.
Hell, I’m Albert Pujols.
On to this week’s picks (picks are against the point spread in bold):
No. 11 Clemson (-4.5) at Virginia Tech -- College football on Thursday night is a lot like an appetizer at Applebee’s. You aren’t really interested and you just sort of pick at it because it’s there and you feel obligated. However, every now and again someone brilliant orders the spinach dip and, next thing you know, you can’t get enough and you’re cramming your face and now you have stains all over your fancy new dress shirt from Old Navy.
This game is spinach dip-esque. Sit back and enjoy Clemson running back James Davis. This guy makes P.J. Hill look like he’s running in Wolverine construction boots.
Illinois at No. 18 Wisconsin (-22) -- So, the Badgers have a home football game starting at 11 a.m. in the same city and on the same day as the wildest Halloween festivities in the world. This is the plan Madison officials devised to squelch the riotous behavior in their city during Halloween weekend?
Interesting.
Why don’t we just run the Packers out of the tunnel immediately following the Badgers and let them play? Then perhaps we could open up State Street for a city-wide beer pong tournament. Then maybe Miller Lite could sponsor booths handing out free samples. You know, like Aquafina does at marathons?
After their loss to Michigan, the Badgers have been rolling. I mean crushing teams. Of course, they are yet to have their annual, "What in the world happened there? We had absolutely no business losing that football game" game.
Could it be this week against Illinois? I hope not. Illinois is brutally bad.
Penn State (-3) at Purdue -- Have you ever woken up post 12 cocktails on Saturday morning only to find ESPN Plus broadcasting a game like this? The game is so horribly boring that the only way to tolerate it is to randomly flip on clips of "The Whole Nine Yards" or "Face Off" or whatever two-star movie is running on TNT or TBS or USA?
This is that game.
By the way, did you realize that it is a stipulation in network contracting that a Bruce Willis or John Travolta movie must be running at all times on Saturdays? It’s true. Check it out. You can’t make thinks like this up.
This is a tough game to call. Penn State doesn’t cover on the road and Purdue doesn’t cover against anybody good. I’ll go with Joe Paterno. He has thicker glasses than Joe Tiller. Obviously, he must be able to see the field better.
Minnesota at No. 1 Ohio State (-27) -- This is just getting ridiculous. There is simply no way a perennially strong Big 10 team like the Gophers should be getting 27 points against the Buckeyes. I don’t care if the game is being played in Columbus. OSU should not be favored by 27. Their head coach wears a sweater vest. Come on.
No. 10 Notre Dame (-13) at Navy -- Notre Dame has beaten Navy 43 games in a row. However, since ND is so erratic this season, I have been regulated to using the gamblers’ opposite theory (see last week’s column) just to get Notre Dame victories. It appears I should go with Navy.
However, I can’t. If the Irish can’t knock off Navy by more than two touchdowns, they have much bigger problems than their sieve-like offensive line and their uninspired tackling.
Also, here’s a fun tidbit. Brian Hampton, Navy’s starting quarterback, went down with a season-ending injury on Oct. 14. Thus, the Midshipmen are now starting sophomore quarterback Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada against the Irish.
I’m serious about this. Not like the Travolta thing.
#25 Georgia at No. 8 Florida (-13.5) -- Every now and then, out of nowhere, something in the sports world will shock me. This happened a few times this past week. Like when I found out that Mookie Wilson is the stepfather to St. Louis Cardinals’ outfielder Preston Wilson. And when I found out that ESPN is still running Cold Pizza. And when I noticed Georgia is still ranked. Georgia’s last three victories have come by a total of nine points against Colorado, Mississippi and Mississippi State (teams with a 5-19 combined record). The swamp is not where you want to go while struggling.
No. 22 Texas A.M. (-4.5) at Baylor -- The Aggies are quickly becoming my "we are fine floating below the radar" team. They are 7-1 and have covered three consecutive conference games against Kansas, Missouri and Oklahoma State.
Baylor is also seriously underrated as well, but Texas A.M. is battle tested having won each of the last two weeks in the waning moments. Also, Baylor gave up 63 points to a freshman quarterback named Colt.
