By Sherwin Hughes Columnist Published Jan 27, 2017 at 4:16 PM

The opinions expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the opinions of, its advertisers or editorial staff.

If the United States could be bottled as a fragrance, it would smell like crisp $100 bills, bacon, gunpowder, car exhaust, beer and victory. China, Europe and Mexico would buy it and drench themselves in it. We are a nation of hardworking, self-starting, business minded folk. We are the labor and the capitalists.

Money is popular. We have our own legal tender here. It has God’s name on it to make it official. There is so much value placed on wealth that when the Powerball jackpot reaches a certain amount, the number of tickets sold exceeds our population.

America is a country but far more like a corporation. The United States has a certificate of original charter called the Declaration of Independence. Our nation has corporate bylaws better known as the constitution. The latter of the founding paperwork has only 27 amendments in 241 years.

We have shareholders – 324 million of them. All publicly traded companies afford their stockholders the right to vote for new board members. Assuming you qualify, America allows the vote too. The new corporate executive was sworn in on Jan. 20, 2017.

Can’t make every vote? No problem. Our proxies better known as the 535 members of the United States Congress will handle that business in short order. If you were wondering, the 115th Congress was sworn in on Jan. 3, 2017 at 12:51 p.m. Central Standard Time. Their first vote? Repealing stockholder health benefits but maintaining their own low-cost access to healthcare.

Want to buy shares in America? No problem. They’re called taxes, and they are required.

USA, Inc. needs a group of consultants to make sure we’re following our bylaws and amendments. The existence of a nine-member Supreme Court was written into the rules. A loophole allows justices to be appointed by the current president. He (there has yet to be a she) selects the individuals charged with making sure all abide by the rules. Our high court is like a glorified human resources department with a strict adherence to the employee policy handbook. Our judges can’t get fired as they are extended a lifetime employment contract.

This large scale, profit-making apparatus consisting of both a contiguous and non-contiguous confederation of subsidiaries, even has two commercial jingles. "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "America the Beautiful" are both used to engender a sense of favoritism, pride in our publicly owned investment.

It only makes sense that we elected someone with experience as a chief executive officer to oversee our affairs. Whether they be business, political, foreign, domestic or otherwise, we found the man for the job. Enter Donald John Trump, or as I call him "The DonJohn." No corporation is complete without a brand. Don’t worry, he devised a catchy slogan for our republic: "Make American Great Again." Well it’s about time!

He’s perfectly suited for a super powerful nation so drunk on its own arrogance we named it American Exceptionalism. The DonJohn is a corporatist. He’s a living breathing brand. He’s a robber baron. The 21st century incarnation of Carnegie, Rockefeller and Vanderbilt. The 45th CEO of America will serve a four-year term. At the end of his term, the shareholders will have the option to renew his contract for a second term. A third term is technically prohibited by the bylaws, but that can be changed.

We’re going to need security for our corporate interests. In fact, we need a military with a multitude of branches. Some branches have boats; others have airplanes. All branches have real guns that shoot real bullets. Safety is taken very seriously by America, Inc.

Alongside the military is the Department of Energy that controls our nuclear weapons stockpile. The Department of Homeland Security, a relatively new addition to our bevy of safety features, is charged with making sure our buildings don’t get struck by wayward airplanes. It seems that we can’t ever feel safe. A border patrol is needed. I’d assume to protect us from the existential threat posed by Canada and Mexico, but mostly Canada.

The shareholders have the right to own guns too. On top of that let’s add municipal police, county sheriffs, deputy sheriffs, state and highway patrols. Let’s even put cops in schools to protect the kids from stuff. To ensure other corporate nations don’t steal our trade secrets, we have an additional 16 intelligence agencies that work around the clock. They have guns too.

It’s been suggested that we build a wall for border security. I’m not sure if that’s to keep us in or to keep someone else out. A similar concept was tried in Berlin, Germany. That wall lasted about 50 years but wasn’t built by Mexicans. It was built by communists like Bernie Sanders.

The CEO of America has his own bodyguards. The Secret Service has a two-fold mission. To protect the CEO is their top priority. They’ve had reasonable success. On their watch, one president has been killed and one wounded. Not bad. Not perfect but not bad. The second Secret Service task is to make certain that no one counterfeits our money.

For all intents and purposes, our corporate nation is just what the doctor ordered. Our newly elected CEO fits the bill. These next four years should be an exciting adventure for corporate America. We have everything we need. I hear we’re even getting a new pipeline. What could possibly go wrong? 

Sherwin Hughes Columnist

A year 2000 graduate of the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, Sherwin Hughes began his professional career as a community organizer with the YMCA Community Development Corporation. In 2002, Hughes was offered a position as field representative for Congressman Tom Barrett (WI-5). In 2004, Hughes was hired as a statewide constituency director for the Kerry/Edwards campaign. After the presidential race of '04, Hughes was brought on as a business analyst in mayor Tom Barrett's department of administration-where he certified minority businesses for participation on city contracts.

In 2005, Hughes was appointed as Governor James Doyle's sole designee on the Wisconsin State Elections Board. In 2007, he would become chair. Sherwin was the only African American in state history to serve in the administrations of both an incumbent mayor and governor simultaneously In 2006, Hughes incorporated STH & Associates, LLC a political consulting firm. In 2008, Hughes became communications director for Wisconsin state senator Lena C. Taylor. In 2010, Hughes became Wisconsin state field director for Democrats for Education Reform. July 2012, Hughes became the host of "The Forum," a political talk show on WNOV in Milwaukee.