Pride is often a detriment to those of the male gender. We pretend
to know a lot about women instead of just admitting the truth, that
we know little to nothing. Writer/director John McKay may be a victim
of his pride, or he may truly believe that he understands women. But
judging by his first feature film, "Crush," he, like the rest of us,
knows little to nothing.
Set in rural England, the film revolves around the close friendship of three women. American Kate (Andie MacDowell) is a headmistress at a private school. Molly (Anna Chancellor, "Four Weddings and a Funeral") is a physician. Janine (Imelda Staunton, "Sense and Sensibility") is a police inspector.
The three single women in their early 40's have a ritual. They meet weekly to drink gin, smoke and devour chocolate. Each must tell of any activities involving a male, with the one spinning the most depressing tale winning a stack of sweets. None have much luck with men.
All is well and good until Kate meets handsome 25 year-old Jed (Kenny Doughty) at a funeral. He is a replacement organist, and before long they are having a good old-fashioned romp on a tombstone next to the church.
When Kate decides to pursue a serious relationship with Jed, her friends are appalled, particularly Molly. She makes it her mission in life to end the relationship, doing whatever it takes. This includes having Janine secretly videotape her seducing Jed, hoping that he will cheat on Kate, thus proving his unworthiness. Is this what good friends do to each other!?
When all else fails, Molly and Janine resort to desperate measures. They take Kate on a weekend shopping trip to Paris, hoping she will remember all of the good times they used to have. The women attempt to make Kate feel bad for having the audacity to fall in love with a man and be happy. If only we all had friends like this.
With helpful coercion from Molly, Kate ends up in bed with a stranger. But while she's kissing him, all she can think about is Jed. So she hops on a train and is in his loving arms again, professing her love for him. Then he asks her to marry him, and she says yes.
This is hardly halfway into a movie that feels like it will never end. Two things stick out at this point: We know literally nothing about Jed and are clueless as to why Kate would marry him, and Molly is an almost unbelievably awful human being.
Though McKay expects us to, it's impossible to emotionally invest in Jed and Kate's relationship. He is a mystery. We know he plays the organ and was once busted for selling ecstasy (thanks to Molly insisting that Janine look up his record). And that's it. We don't care about him, we have no idea why Kate would want to marry him, and we don't care about their fate as a couple. It's a contrived, unbelievable relationship that would sink the film if it didn't have so many other problems.
And then there is Molly, who even the devil himself wouldn't want for a friend. She is a self-centered, self-righteous, conniving, heartless, whiny, tyrannical and all around mean-spirited women. One watches incredulously as she goes out of her way to try and make her best friend miserable. Janine isn't as bad, but the fact that she's a grown woman who can't think for herself and goes along with whatever Molly says doesn't say much for her.
The rest of the film resorts to manipulative tearjerker moments, cliches and stereotypes. The notion that "Crush" is some kind of statement of female independence and friendship is laughable. There isn't a convincing moment in it, the friends are horrible to each other, and we relearn age-old stereotypes, such as how forgiving women are, regardless of how cruel they may be to each other. Easily one of the worst movies of the year.
"Crush" opened Fri., April 19 at Landmark's Oriental Theatre. Click here for showtimes.
