This just in: the NFL is "very concerned" about end zone celebrations.

Just like they were in 1987, 1992, 1998 and 2004.

Has there ever been a recurring scourge on a professional sports league quite like this? No matter how hard the Old White Men try to keep young stud gladiators in line, they keep having to come back and re-write the rules.

Thank you Billy "White Shoes" Johnson.

Of course, this a "problem" that most sports leagues would love to have. It's a "problem" that has no known constituency - other than say, your 72 year old grandfather sitting on his plastic covered barcalounger drinking a High Life.

While dozing off during a game, he's awoken just in time to see somebody like Chad Johnson score, and then blurts out incoherently about "Elvis in the end zone" and something about the Devil.

And somehow, the league is catering to this guy. Sheesh.

The NFL Competition committee is now saying that part of their efforts is to save time. Sure. Like end zone celebrations lasting all of 10 seconds are really holding things up. Replay is like a black hole when it comes to time, sucking in minutes and minutes while the refs try to deconstruct where a ball should be spotted on a potential first down at the 40.

Hey, here's an idea. Let's tell all touchdown scorers in a game, that they can celebrate all they want, but it must be during a replay timeout.

"Gentlemen, we have 3 minutes to kill. Report to your respective end zones and prepare to get your freak on."

On a side note, how come the "competition" committee is handling end zone celebrations? What do those have to do with the actual "competition" of a football game? What else will this committee handle? Uniform colors?

So now it looks like the league will specify that players can only "spike, spin, or dunk" the football once in the end zone. And that any use of the football as a "prop" will be forbidden.

Boo.

I don't know a red-blooded football loving American male that did not crack up while watching Steve Smith change the diaper of the football in the end zone. Oh well. Thank god for TiVO, I've still got that one for the archives.

Maybe someday I'll clip all those great moments together, and show my kids and grandkids. "See, kids. This is when football was still fun!"

So even though the NFL has said there are just 3 things you can do with the football in the end zone, I want to be perfectly clear going forward. Here's a list of things (I think) are strictly forbidden:

• Two-person celebrations
  

• Group celebrations
  
• Pre-meditated celebrations
  
• Choreographed celebrations
  
• Synchronized celebrations
  
• Rehearsed celebrations