By Steve Czaban Special to Published Sep 26, 2007 at 5:24 AM

As you might have heard by now, America's favorite nostalgic football program -- the University of Notre Dame -- is in big trouble. The Fighting Irish are 0-4 for the first time ever. That's 119 years of tackling people, and it's never happened.

The coach, Charlie Weis, now says: "Records to me, is not the critical factor." Oh, really? Sounds like a guy who is sitting on a 10-year contract extension that is now looking about as unwise as giving Lindsay Lohan a permanent "Get Out of Rehab Free" card.

And with everybody piling on the poor Irish, why should I join in kicking the program while it is down?

Why? Because it's FUN!

You know how bad it's gotten for Notre Dame?

"Touchdown" Jesus went backpacking with some dudes on the Frisbee team instead of watching the game.

They are thinking about changing his name to "First Down" Jesus because it's more realistic.

It's so bad that even Mark May on ESPN said it's time to lay off the Irish bashing.

Regis Philbin has just told Notre Dame "he has plans" for homecoming this year, and won't be at the pep rally.

NBC is thinking about showing reruns of "SuperTrain" instead of the games.

It's so bad; the NCAA is trying to figure out a way to exempt Notre Dame into a bowl with just 2 victories.

They'll need to get "hot" for those two victories, however.

It's so bad that Joe Thiesmann has once again changed his name pronunciation back to THEES-man.

They are thinking about changing the locker-room sign from "Play Like A Champion Today" to "Please Just Don't Embarrass the Sh*t Out of Us Today."

Recruits are now saying: "Basically, it's down to Notre Dame and Appalachian State."

It's so bad at Notre Dame, the coaches are considering adding "Crucifix Hit Stickers" on players helmets for motivation like Florida State's tomahawks.

Charlie Weis is considering using a replay challenge if they lose the coin flip next week.

The Irish are going to hang a banner for their "close game" against USC two years ago.

When you watch Washington games, Tyrone Willingham isn't covering his mouth with his play sheet to prevent signal stealing, he's laughing his ass off.

They are filming a remake of "Rudy", only with Neil Patrick Harris and his courageous attempt to walk on at Purdue.

The tradition of re-painting the helmets every week has been scrapped. Paint comes back fresh, boys. Go figure.

Notre Dame is so down right now, Air Force doesn't want to play them because it'll hurt their strength of schedule in the BCS Rankings.

It's so bad, that if Notre Dame still had Sunday morning highlights, they wouldn't be able to say "We move ahead to further action on the same drive." Because there IS NO FURTHER ACTION!

The leprechaun just enrolled in A.A.

"Wake Up The Echoes" has been changed to "Snooze Bar The Echoes."

Things are so bad, Notre Dame is scheduling a series of religious "home and home's" against Oral Roberts, Centenary, and Texas Christian.

Um, they just cancelled Texas Christian when Weis was told: "Coach, that's TCU, and they'll kick your ass."

Wait, Centenary is now asking for a neutral-site game. Weis said he'll get back to them.

Steve Czaban Special to

Steve is a native Washingtonian and has worked in sports talk radio for the last 11 years. He worked at WTEM in 1993 anchoring Team Tickers before he took a full time job with national radio network One-on-One Sports.

A graduate of UC Santa Barbara, Steve has worked for WFNZ in Charlotte where his afternoon show was named "Best Radio Show." Steve continues to serve as a sports personality for WLZR in Milwaukee and does fill-in hosting for Fox Sports Radio.