It's been a bad year for kickers. A few weeks ago it was Jay Feely, flailing away helplessly in Seattle. Last week it was Lawrence Tynes choking on his tee. Sunday it was Billy Cundiff getting an earful from Keyshawn on the sideline.

It's true, these guys are every team's bitch.

As Hank Hill once famously said: "Don't let them tease you too much, son. Remember, you're the mascot, not the kicker."

Years ago, before Adam Sandler got paid $20 million dollars to star in warmed over SNL sketches at the box office, he authored one of the truly genius sports songs of all time.

"The Lonesome Kicker."

Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr. was his name, and he was a shrimp sized Euro-chump who played for the Steelers. As the line in the song poignantly put it....

In my home country...
I could have been a minor league soccer player
But I came to America...
Seeking fortune and seeking fame
I didn't realize that if I shanked one...
And blew the point spread...
Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi...
After the game.

The coach only called him "Number 8", his teammates were cheating with his wife, and his name on his jersey was crammed in from sleeve to sleeve.

He was not real. But the following kickers, I swear, were.

The Zendejas Clan

No lie, they were three kicking brothers and a cousin from Curimeo, Mexico. Tony was the first and oldest, cousin to Joaquin, Max and Luis. And my team, the Redskins nearly hit for the Zendejas "cycle" by signing all but Joaquin at various stages of their careers. If memory serves, Tony was pretty good, and kicked barefoot. Max was awful. And Luis should have never been in the NFL to begin with. And I only found out about Joaquin by Google-searching him.

The Grammatica Clan

Everyone remembers Martin, Guillermo and Santiago, right? The flying Argentineans from Florida? Martin was the first and oldest, and pretty good. He had this amazingly annoying habit of jumping up and down like a kid walking across hot pavement after the most routine of kicks. His brother "Bill" (aka Guillermo) once did the same and blew out his knee. Haha. Martin, once tried to fight Panthers punter Todd Sauerbrun over comments the punter, made about the kicker. And the kid brother Santiago was allegedly the "best in the family." This was about 3 years ago, and I haven't seen or heard of him since.

The Bahrs (Chris and Matt) were solid booters for many years together. And let's not forget the Pete and Charlie Gogolak combo from the 1970's. Which brings me to this actual email from listener Scott Choate:

"My first pro game, I was about 6 years old at RFK with my dad. Giants vs. Redskins. Both teams had a Gogalak kicking for them (Charlie and Pete). I remember hearing the PA announcer at RFK bellowing all day "Gogolak to kick off". The next game I went to with my dad, I commented that it was time "for the Gogolak to kickoff....." Well, a long conversation ensued - because I had thought that "Gogolak" was the name used to refer to a 'kicker' and couldn't understand that it was coincidentally BOTH men's name last week...."

What? You think I could make this stuff up?

So many of the worst kickers, had the greatest names. Roger Ruzek, Ali Hadji-Sheik, Bjorn Nittmo, Chip Lohmiller, Rolph Binirshke and Russell Erxlaben. Okay, maybe not all of those guys qualify as "the worst" but who really wants to debate kicker stats here?

Almost all of them have a "story" too.

Ruzek was the Cowboys kicker who Eagles coach Buddy Ryan reportedly had a "bounty" on during a game in the 1990s. Nittmo became a Dave Letterman favorite, based on nothing more than the delightful hilarity of simply saying his name. Binirshke was the Chargers kicker who went on to host the game show Wheel of Fortune for a period. And Erxlaben was a legendary punter/kicker combo guy drafted high out of Texas (he didn't do either very well as a pro).

Strangely, more kickers than you would think, ended up with pretty serious rap sheets. Sebastian Janikowski (or "Sea Bass" as he's called) has had several drunken run-ins with the "po-po" already, and his career is far from over. Oh yeah, and the whole GHB date-rape thing. Nice.

Former Raider Cole Ford pretty much set the bar at an all time high for kicker criminality when he was picked up in Las Vegas for going on a shooting spree in a mini-van, including a few pot-shots at Sigfried and Roy's mansion. (Again, who could even make this crap up?)

Long ago Buccaneers kicker Donald Igwebwieke had both a great "one-on-the-planet" kind of names, but also got pinched for running a cocaine ring once he was out of the game. Super.

And if you want just plain stupid, you have Jacksonville kicker Jaret Holmes and punter Chris Hanson both getting injured in 2002 because they were making fondue and the fondue pot spilled, dumping fondue all over them.

Again, how could I make that up?

Oh wait, there's more funny names. I just had to get them out before this column is over. Guys like the Mick-Meyer boys, Steve and Nick. Yes, kids. "Nick Mick-Meyer." That was his name. Lou "The Toe" Groza, Effren Herrera, Uwe Von Shaumann, and Fuad Reveiz.

Richie Cunningham. How could we forget? A kicker straight from "Happy Days."

Not to be confused with kicker Happy Feller. No, I did not make that up. You can do your own Googling there.

Kicker stories in NFL history are like timeless barstool chestnuts. You can tell them, and re-tell them, until you are passed out on the floor and they never get old. Perhaps the best kicker story, came when Mike Vanderjagt told some stupid Canadian cable talk show that Peyton Manning needed to "show some emotion" out there. Adding: "Some guys have it, some guys don't. And I just don't see it with him."

Manning responded with the best blast ever on camera, telling the live Pro Bowl TV audience that Vanderjagt was "an idiot kicker who got liquored up and ran his mouth."

I'll be long dead before that is ever topped.