Time now, for my totally cursory, completely off the top-of-my-head, don't-hold-me-to-this season preview of the American Football Conference. This piece will bookend the same version in the NFC that I released two weeks ago.
(Please note: any and all predictions that prove to be brilliant in this piece, shall be quoted and referred to regularly. Any predictions that are 180 degrees wrong, silly, or overly optimistic will simply be ignored. Thank you.)
AFC East
New England Patriots -- Tom Brady to Randy Moss. Tom Brady to Randy Moss. Tom Brady to Randy Moss. OK, open your eyes. It's real. Now, the big question: "Will it actually work?" If Brady is a God with scrubs, then why won't he be even sillier with actual talent? I give the Pats a virtual "bye" into the AFC Championship.
New York Jets -- I love Chad Pennington, but I also see his limitations. Even when fully healthy, this offense needs to be nearly perfect to win big games. I like the addition of Thomas Jones, and I am now a believer in Eric Mangini, but I don't see the Jets winning anything big with a pop-gun arm at QB.
Miami Dolphins -- Guess what: the Dolphins will be a solid team. That's what having a legitimate QB does for you. I see Trent Green as the new Brad Johnson. He'll do for the Fish what Johnson did for the Bucs, although I don't see a Super Bowl in their immediate future. Still, Miami is now a really tough "out" on everybody's schedule.
Buffalo Bills -- Spend a jillion dollars on the O-line, and then let Willis McGahee walk. Uhhhh... ohhhkaaay. I don't get it, but I'm sure cranky ol' Ralph Wilson has a plan. (Quick! Wake up Ralph. Ask him what the plan is.) J.P. Losman looked like he took a major step last year. But the reason he gets sacked so much, is that he still doesn't know when to throw away the ball.
AFC South
Indianapolis Colts -- On paper, the Colts losses are devastating. Rhodes (top power rusher), Glenn (Manning's blind side tackle), Harper (playmaking corner), and key contributors like June and David. Okay, so Corey Simon was no loss. Still, who in the hell bets against Manning to win this sorry division? Not me. The Colts "struggle" to 11-5.
Jacksonville Jaguars -- I love what the Jags are trying to do: stockpile every black QB who isn't a very good scrambler. Hell, why not? Let's break the stereotype once and for all, right? My big question: is this the year Maurice Jones-Drew takes over for aging Fred Taylor, or is he a strictly change of pace back?
Tennessee Titans -- Forget Pac Man Jones, the story of this year for the Titans will be the shocking regression of Vince Young. Yes, you heard me. Regression. Not that he really lit the world on fire last year (go ahead, put away the Pro Bowl invite and the Madden cover, and really look at his numbers) but this year is going to be a doozy. He's already started by missing the first pre-season game by breaking a team rule. How many QB's have you ever heard that happen to?
Houston Texans -- Matt Schaub, start running for your life! Let's see if the human sack doll David Carr was really the problem or not. Mario Williams will get anchored on the right side this year, not moved around, and some are saying he's going to start dominating. Hope so, since the Texans could have really used an offensive weapon like Reggie Bush.
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens -- They are loaded this year, just ask them. Or their fans. We'll see. Is Adalius Thomas really expendable? Will McGahee stay healthy and add the home run dimension so lacking in the ground game since the pre-prison Jamal Lewis days? Is this the year that Ray Lewis and Jonathan Ogden make that noticeable slip down a level?
Pittsburgh Steelers -- Is Mike Tomlin the new George Seifert? Did Cowher and company leave him a cupboard sufficiently stocked to win another ring if the injuries just cooperate? Big Ben can't have a worse year than last (unless he gets run over by a truck and dies), and I am now sold on Willie Parker as an every-down back.
Cincinnati Bengals -- Time for Marvin Lewis to get this team to the next level. Time for Chad Johnson to shut the hell up and simply produce. Time for the defense to actually stop teams, not just play to make spectacular hits. These are prime years for Carson Palmer to lead a team. The Bengals better not waste them.
Cleveland Browns -- Nobody has a patent on "bad" like the Browns. I see no reason to get overly optimistic about this year either. The "when will Brady Quinn start?" saga is going to dominate the season, especially as the losses pile up. He'll finally get in, and look awesome at times, awful at others. Then writers can re-rack the "This is a year to be hopeful" stories for training camp '08.
AFC West
San Diego Chargers -- I still can't get my head around Norv Turner being given the keys to the most stud-laden team in the NFL. Knowing how karma works, he'll probably win the Super Bowl, and then we'll have to hear experts claim he just wasn't "given the chance" in Washington (or Oakland). Right. If Tomlinson stays healthy and plays 15 of 16, they are 10-6 minimum. Everything else is just a footnote.
Denver Broncos -- These ain't your Jake Plummer-Tatum Bell-Rod Smith Broncos. No, these are your Jay Cutler-Travis Henry-Javon Walker Broncos. Jake is retired, Bell has been shipped out for Dre Bly, and even though Smith is still around, it's Walker who is the new stud. You want to see something spooky. Look up the Additions and Losses column in your pre-season mag on the Broncs. CB Darrent Williams (deceased) and RB Damien Nash (deceased). How many teams in the last 50 years have had two current players die on them in one off-season?
Kansas City Chiefs -- On the one hand, Damon Huard was a fluke. On the other hand, how can 11 TDs and 1 INT be a fluke? I'm torn. Forget Larry Johnson's holdout. I'm more worried about losing Will Shields and Jordan Black up front. Herm Edwards actually moved the needle on that defense without a major overhaul. I guess attitude does matter. Still, you can't justify calling the Chiefs anything more than third-best in that division.
Oakland Raiders -- It's just a matter of how bad they'll be, not whether they'll be bad at all. I can't wait for the moments when Lane Kiffin looks hopelessly out of his element during the season, both on and off the field. It's not his fault. He was given a job he was simply not qualified for. Only this year, Al Davis and company can't just blame it all on Randy Moss.
Steve is a native Washingtonian and has worked in sports talk radio for the last 11 years. He worked at WTEM in 1993 anchoring Team Tickers before he took a full time job with national radio network One-on-One Sports.
A graduate of UC Santa Barbara, Steve has worked for WFNZ in Charlotte where his afternoon show was named "Best Radio Show." Steve continues to serve as a sports personality for WLZR in Milwaukee and does fill-in hosting for Fox Sports Radio.
