By Steve Czaban Special to Published Jul 18, 2007 at 5:22 AM

I'm so done with...

As Confucius once said, "It's not the mountain ahead that wears you out. It's the grain of sand in your shoe."

With that, allow me to clap out the mid-summer sand from my Nikes.

I'm so done with....

Bad sports fashions like the impossibly flat baseball hat brim, the impossibly tight fitting pastel shirts and pants worn by European golfers and, of course, the impossibly long hair extensions on Fox announcer Jeanne Zelasko.

People who accuse me of "making a story out of nothing" during the slow summer months on sports radio. Hello. It's what they PAY me to do. You try it sometime. Personally, I think sports radio should go on "hiatus" from the end of the NBA Finals to the opening of training camps. It would do hosts, listeners, callers and guests a whole lot of good.

Fresh ground pepper at fancy restaurants. I don't need some dude standing over me grinding "fresh" pepper onto my steak. Just leave the shaker here. It's pepper! Have you ever tasted "stale" pepper?

Ballplayers claiming the Home Run Derby is "exhausting." Barry Bonds should have said, "You know, it's really easy. Like batting practice almost. It's just that I am a creaky old man with two bad knees, two bad ankles, and a really bad attitude. Now go away."

Tennis players who fall down on their back after winning a match and poker players who stand up after going "all in." (Note: Stolen from e-mailer Jon Calder of Ashburn, VA. Nice work, Jon. The check is in the mail.)

Golf announcers who insist on calling it a "3-metal" because actual wood left the game around the same time Vin Scully stopped calling tournaments on NBC. What's next? "Looks like he's got a 3-composite to go after this green in two."

Things that should be easy to fix in this country, but probably never will. Air traffic control systems and the porous southern border come immediately to mind.

Digital film techniques that somehow can't make sports movies any better. How come Michael Bay can make giant 100-foot robots come to life and destroy everything by using digital techniques, but there's no computer to cover up Barry Pepper swinging a baseball bat like a girl in the movie "61."

Cell phone companies that do not include a car charger with the phone itself, then tell you that they are ALSO sold out of the $30 item that fits your phone. "Try another store."

The fact that the NHL still has vision obstructing nets in their arenas based on one tragic fluke accident five years ago. A fat drunk fell on a guy's head at Yankee Stadium in the upper deck and broke his neck. Nearly killed him. We gonna install nets for THAT? It's called "risk" people, and you take them every day you set foot outside of your house.

Athletes who cut their dreadlocks only AFTER they have been arrested. "Ohh, Pac Man! You look so.... well... responsible like that! How could I have ever judged you?"

The hype on Vince Young. He's a 51% passer, with more interceptions (13) than touchdowns (12) and a passer rating of 66.7 in just 13 starts. Rookie of the Year? Cover of Madden's game? Jesus Christ people, put down the highlight butter for a second and think about it.

The "shirt display" celebration. You know, the one where a guy pulls out his jersey by the nipples for the world to see. Got it. We can read. Now get back down court and play defense.

Car racing announcers calling it "on-board telemetry" just to sound fancy. "Computer" would work just fine.

Tiger Woods wearing various shades of pink on Sunday. Get back to the solid blood red, El Tigre.

People who still leave me voice mails, without any actual details in them. "Hey, it's XXXX, call me." Yeah. Duh. I've got something called CALLER ID.

The white square on the backboard. Nobody uses it. If you did, you would shoot an air ball. Either you can bank it or not. See Worthy, James. Let's get rid of it and improve everybody's view.


Steve Czaban Special to

Steve is a native Washingtonian and has worked in sports talk radio for the last 11 years. He worked at WTEM in 1993 anchoring Team Tickers before he took a full time job with national radio network One-on-One Sports.

A graduate of UC Santa Barbara, Steve has worked for WFNZ in Charlotte where his afternoon show was named "Best Radio Show." Steve continues to serve as a sports personality for WLZR in Milwaukee and does fill-in hosting for Fox Sports Radio.