Drinking games are juvenile, frequently dangerous and usually a distant memory for anyone over the age of 21.
But, also, undeniably fun.
If you're of a certain age, you might remember the "Star Trek: The Next Generation Drinking Game" (drink whenever a "red shirt extra" gets shot by a phaser). If you're a little older, you might remember the Bob Newhart version (drink every time someone says, "Hi, Bob"). So, we're not talking the drinking card games, like "Circle of Death" where the rules are so complicated that the game's never the same every time you play it.
Here's a Milwaukee version of yet another excuse to imbibe (we call it "binge drinking" not "alcoholism" around our office).
As usual, add your own versions using our Talkbacks below. But for now, bring along a designated driver and start playing …
10 p.m. Newscast on WTMJ Drinking Game:
- Drink once every time you see Carole Meekins wearing a new broach or hairstyle
- Drink once every time you can see John Malan's eye shadow
- Drink once every time a completely unimportant story leads off the newscast ("Dirty Dining," etc.)
- Drink twice every time a crime, fire or traffic accident leads the broadcast
- Drink once every time the station makes a rookie reporter stand outside during sub-zero temperatures, presumably just to show that it's cold or snowy
- Drink once whenever some random interviewee has a title applied to him, like "Joe Shmo, Hates High Gas Prices"
- Drink twice every time someone says "live in the newsroom"
- Drink once for every time Rod Burks mispronounces a player's name
- Drink twice for every time Rod Burks mispronounces a Milwaukee player's name
- Drink once for each time any reporter tells you to go to todaystmj4.com for more information
- 1 shot for every time the person sitting next to you says, "Isn't that the dude who used to do the weather with Spunky?"
- Drink twice if there's a story about a house overrun with cats (might as well down the bottle if it's on your block)
2 shots for every time the person sitting next to you says, "Who the heck is Lauren Leamanczyk?"
Bob Uecker Brewers Radio Broadcast Drinking Game:
- Drink once every time he says, "Heeeeee struck him out!"
- Drink once every time he says, "Change of pace, and a dandy"
- Drink once every time he says, "He ... just ... walked ... another ..."
- Drink twice every time he calls a player by the wrong name
- 1 shot each time he starts his home run calls then the ball is caught
- 1 shot every time Ueck makes Jim Powell laugh so hard he can't talk about baseball
- 2 shots every time he tells a story in which he is clearly lying (i.e.,"planting cans," etc.)
- 2 shots if he says, "No, I like him, I really do" when he clearly does not
- Chug any time 20 or more consecutive seconds of dead air transpire during an inning
- Chug while Ueck makes fun of a Brewers Radio Network sponsor
- Chug while he makes fun of the Internet
WTMJ The Green House Drinking Game:
- Drink once every time Jonathan Greene says "dey," "der," "dose" or "da"
- Drink once every time Bill Michaels refers to "his good friend" or which athlete he was just talking to the other night
- 1 shot whenever someone talks about being confused by modern technology
- 2 shots for every announcer read item that's an ad but clearly read in a more conversational tone
Drink once when Phil Cianciola insults a co-worker in a not very veiled way
Summerfest / State Fair / Church Festival Drinking Game:
- Drink once for every mullet
- Drink once for every tank top tucked into jeans
- 1 shot for a mullet, mustache and acid washed jeans combination
- Drink once for every pregnant woman wearing a bikini top
- Drink once for every shirtless dude with a chain link tattoo around his bicep
- Drink once for every person under the age of 15 that looks a little tipsy
- At the Fair, buy a round if you step in manure
- Buy rounds all night if you're wearing sandals
- Drink twice any time you see someone peeing in a bathroom sink
- Drink twice for all those women trying to be J-LO with the velour tracksuit combo
- Drink twice every time someone shouts "Play Freebird"
- Drink twice if you get spit upon from the Skyglider
- Drink three times if you spit on someone -- and get away with it
- Chug until bands stops playing "Freebird" (unless band is Lynyrd Skynyrd)
- Also, when at the Fair, start own game of "curders," which is similar to "quarters" only uses cheese curds
Pat McCurdy Show Drinking Game:
- Drink once for every college guy in a baseball cap
- Drink once for every sexual double-entendre in a song
- Drink once for every high five
- Drink once every time Pat does a "lap song" for a "virgin"
- 1 shot for every college dude high five after double-entendre in a song
- Chug every time whenever Murf sings a Styx song
- Drink once every time Pipe Jim plays a dance song
- Drink twice for "Sex and Beer"
Saturday Night on Water St. Drinking Game:
- Drink once for every pathetic pickup line overheard
- Drink once for every sleeveless, tucked in T-shirt
- Drink once for every pub crawl group in matching T-shirts
- Drink once every time you see the Pepperoni Cannoli Guy at another bar
- Drink twice for every game of darts that is being played by people too drunk to throw sharp objects or cannot hit the board
- Drink twice for every woman not conscious of the temperature (i.e. tube top when it's -10)
- 1 shot for every pathetic pickup uttered by someone in a sleeveless T-shirt
- 1 shot of a real liquor any time someone orders a shot named for sexual innuendo
- Chug until the drunk chick at the table next to you stops chugging her Bud Light
- Drink every time you see a girl with high lights that are so stark and over-done that she looks like a zebra
- Drink twice each time you hear, "This is why I never go to Water Street anymore."
- Just leave the bar when the bachelorette party with the plastic penises walks in
Gallery Night Drinking Game:
- Drink once any time you see someone who clearly doesn't care about art who showed up for free booze
- Drink once any time a gallery is serving alcohol that wasn't on sale or bought at the last minute
- Drink once for everyone stroking their chin while looking at the art
- Drink once for each person who says, “I can do that!” while looking at art
- Drink twice any time a non-gallery participates because it is showing a "piece of work" for someone who barely qualifies as an artist
- 1 shot any time the artist is clearly wasted
- Chug until a pretentious art connoisseur stops talking about subtle nuances in a totally non-subtle piece of art
- 2 shots any time some one buys a piece of art on the spot
- 3 shots if that person is sober
- 4 shots if that person is wearing a tweed blazer with leather patches, has a beard and is smoking a pipe
- Drink twice any time a condo building participates in Gallery Night only to show off unsold units
The OnMilwaukee.com Drinking Game:
- Drink once every time you see a tipo, er, typo
- Drink once every time you see a colon in a headline
- Drink once for every out-of-focus / crazy-angle photo
- Drink once for every Talkback saying everything in Milwaukee sucks
- Drink once every time a ridiculous / ancient story makes it to the top of the Top Clicks
- Drink twice OMC begins a story with a seasonal lead, like "Now that Spring is here, etc."
- 1 shot every time an OMC story shows up in the Journal Sentinel less than a week later
- 2 shots if you read a swear word (excluding April Fool's Day)
- 3 shots if you're sure the editors wrote a story just because they needed something pithy for that day
- 10 shots if you read that the President of the United States visited the OMC offices
- Chug if site goes down, keeping drinking 'til site goes back up
- Chug, and keep chugging, if you ever see another Talkback from Cozen Beguile or Funky Brewster
- Shotgun an entire six-pack if all of the above made sense to you