I was feeling a little blah today – thanks, seven-year winter – when I received a message from my pal Lisa Roe asking me and OnMilwaukee.com food writer / contributor Lori Fredrich what our thoughts are about including a female racing sausage to the Brewers’ lineup.
"Has anyone ever petitioned for a lady link?" Roe asked us.
Neither Lori nor I had ever heard of anyone hankering for a "she sausage" (OK, maybe pun intended on HANKering) and so we went on to brainstorm what one might be named.
I immediately ruled out a veggie anything. After all, women are way meatier than that.
Lori, not surprisingly as a gifted food writer, came up with some gems like "Boudin Blanc" and "Andouillette."
"Linguica," a type of pork sausage, we nixed because it sounded kinda dirty.
Lori then suggested a "blood sausage" which Lisa stated was "spot on."
(Maybe this conversation is not fit for public consumption. Meh, against my better judgment I’ll keep going.)
I came up with the kinda-lame "Sally Salami" and then I was out. "Betty Braunchweiger" was also briefly discussed, but Lori said because of the "Braun" in the name she would probably have to look like Ryan Braun – at least a little bit.
We also briefly considered the fact that perhaps the sausage mascots weren’t all men. Maybe one of them was actually a handsome woman? … Nah.
Lori then hit the jackpot, in my opinion, with "Hot Italian." I immediately "saw" her in my mind – rounding third, her long, curly dark hair billowing behind her. Maybe a red and white checkered dress snugly draped on her oblong body.
She'd also need a hat, since all of the other racers have one. Something wide brimmed and floppy, perhaps. Or a female-ish fedora might work, too.
"I think she rides a Vespa," wrote Lori.
"She certainly doesn’t wear stilettos," I typed back. "She’d never win a race that way. But she’s definitely racy."
We went back and forth for a few more minutes and finally decided we were uncertain as to whether a female sausage was a good addition to the Brewers collection of mascots or not, but we would throw it out there for further discussion.
After all, as Lori pointed out, even the dog’s a dude.
Molly Snyder started writing and publishing her work at the age 10, when her community newspaper printed her poem, "The Unicorn.” Since then, she's expanded beyond the subject of mythical creatures and written in many different mediums but, nearest and dearest to her heart, thousands of articles for OnMilwaukee.
Molly is a regular contributor to FOX6 News and numerous radio stations as well as the co-host of "Dandelions: A Podcast For Women.” She's received five Milwaukee Press Club Awards, served as the Pfister Narrator and is the Wisconsin State Fair’s Celebrity Cream Puff Eating Champion of 2019.