I didn't know much at all about sex other than what I'd seen on TV or asked my mom, and I wasn't really that intrigued by it. We were shown how to put condoms on bananas (which always created a fit of laughter), taught about puberty, pregnancy and STDs, which to me felt like a waste of time. Boys were still potential cootie carriers and though I was friends with many boys, I wasn't yet convinced even kissing them was a wise idea.
High school was a different story, by then I'd had a couple boyfriends and was learning the ropes in terms of making out but still, as a freshman, it would be a couple years before I agreed to have sex with my then high-school sweetheart.
Although I wasn't raised in a religious family, I figured sex was something only married people did. I'd seen the movie "Kids" -- in which an amoral, HIV-positive skateboarder tries to deflower as many virgins as possible -- and it scared the hell out of me; I was under the impression that having sex was like gambling with your life (which today, depending on the circumstances, is not that far from the truth).
A couple girls in my school got pregnant and quickly vanished off the face of the earth to be home schooled or shipped off to some school for the socially irresponsible; I didn't really want anything to do with that. I had dreams of a life past high school and outside my hometown, and no place in those dreams was my backpack doubling as a diaper bag.
Things seem so different now.
When I walk through the mall, I see clothing stores for young girls and wonder who in their right mind would allow their children to dress like preppy prostitutes. I read and hear about news stories that say girls as young as middle school are giving blow jobs and hand jobs and that by the time they reach high school, sex is just a thing "everyone's doing."
I know I sound old and out of touch, but in reality this is a very scary development for our culture and for our youth. I'm in my twenties and it horrifies me to see and hear about this. Sometimes I feel as though I grew up too fast, but hearing about the sexcapades of today's youth makes me wonder if they even get a fair shot at a childhood. I'm reluctantly approaching thirty and the thought of raising a child seems overwhelming, I cannot imagine the fear, frustration and humiliation of doing that at fourteen.
We don't want teenagers having sex and having babies but the blame can't be placed solely on them. If we don't pass along safe sex instruction and information, how on Earth can we expect these kids to be responsible in the choices they make. They need to know the consequences of their actions and decisions but they also need to know how to protect themselves using birth control. And, no -- abstinence-only education is not pregnancy prevention. Just ask the teenage mothers from my high school.
Right now, there is legislation in our state that would include increased birth control instruction to students in their sex education classes, along with information on puberty, pregnancy, gender stereotypes, the affects of drugs and alcohol on responsible decision making and even media and peer pressure.
It sounds like a laundry list of things every teen deals with. They are topics that teens need addressing, otherwise teens will get their information from each other and rumors are misconstrued as fact.
A friend of mine taught science at Bradley Tech a few years ago and the burden also fell on him to teach sex-ed once a year. He revealed to me after a few very frustrating and eye opening days, few -- if any -- of these kids knew how babies were made or where they actually came from. Most didn't realize that sex had anything to do with babies. Rather, and I quote, "the stork brings us babies." I was floored by this information and yet I don't know why I would've been. I see children in this city all the time with one or two children of their own.
Girls barely through puberty raising babies; that is pure tragedy.
Where does the burden fall?
School seems like the natural place to learn sex education, but it can be difficult when you have questions at that age to bring them up in a room full of your peers. However, bringing up those questions to your parents can be even tougher.
Teens today need someone they can trust with correct information and someone to ask the difficult questions about puberty and sex. If they aren't comfortable asking the questions or don't even know what to ask, as I'm sure most aren't, then we need to provide them with the answers and information. Education is the only solution.
While Democrats want to pass legislation that teaches students how to use birth control, the health risks of having sex and how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, Republicans want to push for legislation that teaches students the criminal penalties for having sex with anyone under the age of 16 and dispute teaching birth control instruction.
Republicans recently blocked the vote on this new sex education legislation. Perhaps those that don't agree with this legislation should put their names and numbers down on a list for babysitting duty so teenage mothers can still attend high school.
While I definitely don't believe anyone under the age of 16 should be having sex, as they are not nearly responsible enough for the potential consequences, I'm not delusional enough to think that telling a horny high schooler they could go to jail for it is enough to stop them. Include that in the curriculum but don't use criminal charges as a method of birth control.
That's teaching abstinence, which is as useless as no sex education at all.
Under the new legislation, as was the case in the past, parents would be allowed to pull their kids from these specific classes if they wished and schools could choose not to offer the education, but they would have to inform parents of that decision.;
If you are a parent with a teenage child, I have to ask you: unless you plan to sit down with your own child and have a lengthy and candid conversation about sex and the consequences, why on Earth would you pull your child from a sex-ed class? Are you under the impression that sex education classes encourage your teen to think about or have sex? Don't kid yourself. Learning about safe sex methods, puberty and pregnancy isn't what's pushing your teen to have sex, it's their misinformed peers, the media and their hormones -- none of which you have any control over. So why would you put them at the disadvantage of not having the correct information when they do decide to have sex?
In case you're a parent on the fence about this subject or you think religion will keep your horny teen from going all the way on prom night, let me give you just one example of why everyone should have sex education.
A good friend of mine in high school came from a very religious family and her mother pulled all four of her children from our sex-ed class. Well, wouldn't you know it -- one of her sons got his high-school girlfriend pregnant and they were married, shotgun style, before the delivery day.
These students are going to have sex before graduation rolls around; maybe not all of them, but most of them. They will have sex despite the threat of STDs, teen pregnancy or criminal charges. Armed with this information, how can we not, at the very least, teach them how to protect themselves?
Denial is not going to keep the teen pregnancy rate down, it's not going to keep kids from spreading diseases nor will it stop them from making really poor choices during what should be a very innocent and, without doubt, confusing time in life.
Education, on the other hand, will.
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.
