By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Jan 08, 2018 at 12:26 PM

Last night, NBC hosted a powerful speech from American icon Oprah Winfrey. Oh, and also some awards were handed out.

Indeed, the Golden Globes – the first big awards show of the season, as well as the first big Hollywood event since the Weinstein Reckoning – and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association dished out its essentially needless trophies last night.

And by now you've probably already read who won the awards – but who REALLY won and lost last night? Who's looking good going into Oscar season? Who became a meme in a nice way? Who became a meme in the worst way? And what TV shows did you just hear of for the first time last night and suddenly feel shame for being so out of touch? (Answer: all of them.)

Here are the real winners and losers of the 2018 Golden Globes. 

Winner: "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri"

The pitch-black comedy's fallen off hard since its initial leap out as a possible awards favorite, suffering critical backlash online and going through the early awards without making much noise. But the Golden Globes gave the movie a shot in the arm Sunday night, winning four awards by the end of the night: Screenplay, Supporting Actor, Actress and even Best Picture to close out the evening. It always looks good to get a win this time of year – and "Three Billboards" needed one badly. Instead, it got four. 

Loser: "Get Out" and "Dunkirk"

Two of the biggest names of this awards season, Jordan Peele's racial thriller and Christopher Nolan's war epic, both came into the night hoping to win SOMETHING to show that they're real awards contenders. Instead, both got blanked.

Expect that to change drastically, however, when the Oscar nominations come around later this month. The mis-categorized Best Picture-Comedy/Musical "Get Out" (the horrors of race in America; indeed, what a comedic romp!) should get nods for Best Picture and Best Screenplay, with Peele possibly sneaking in for director and Daniel Kaluuya getting a late push for Best Actor, while "Dunkirk" will at least do some damage when it comes to the technical categories the Globes don't have. Tonight would've kept the momentum rolling, but we've at least got plenty more awards shows to go – ones that actually mean something too. 

Winner: "Lady Bird"

"Three Billboards" might've won the most, but "Lady Bird" quietly had a strong night too, scoring Best Actress for Saoirse "Pronounced Sertia like Inertia" Ronan, as well as Best Picture - Comedy/Musical. Admittedly, being in the comedy category means avoiding a lot of last night's heavy hitters like "Three Billboards" and "Shape of Water," but the former is divisive and the latter is an oddity. "Lady Bird" is an easy-to-love hit – and winning some awards at the Golden Globes keeps its buzz going. 

Loser: "The Post"

Yeah, "Get Out" and "Dunkirk" got blanked, but they aren't even supposed to be here. The former is a horror movie released almost literally a year ago, while the latter is a time-hopping existential war film the director's barely campaigning for. They made their money; anything they get in awards season is gravy. 

For "The Post," however, now is supposed to be the time. Instead, the closest that the timely Steven Spielberg/Meryl Streep/Tom Hanks journalism drama got to a Golden Globe Sunday night was a joke in the opening monologue about how it was going to win all of the Golden Globes. Maybe it screened too late. Maybe it's not flashy enough. Maybe the HFPA was confused by all the actual journalism in the movie. Or most likely, maybe people unfortunately look at Spielberg movies the way they look at Streep performances: almost always great but no longer needing the recognition. It's obvious and predictable to pick them – despite the fact that they're both still doing great work (especially Spielberg, whose "dad movie" phase hides the fact that his filmmaking is still razor sharp and stunning).

But at some point, this supposed awards season monolith should probably start getting around to winning some awards. 

Winner: Oprah

There are no words ... so let's just listen to Oprah talk again. 

Winfrey's always had a gift for talking to an entire room and an entire nation yet seemingly just talking to you like an intimate friend. I'm not saying I want another celebrity to run for president, but if another celebrity WERE to run for president, there's only one who'd get my vote after her impassioned rallying cry. 

Loser: Whoever decided somebody would have to come immediately after Oprah

Hey, after the stump speech to end all stump speeches, maybe just cut to another weird Wynona Rider shampoo commercial and don't send out two poor souls who have to immediately follow-up the GREATEST WORDS EVER SAID. Natalie Portman and Ron Howard could've announced to the crowd that they were possessed by angry ghosts and killed a goat live on stage as a blood sacrifice to the demon Valak, and nobody would've heard or seen a thing. That is until ... 

Winner: Natalie Portman

SHE CAN PLAY BOTH THE WHITE AND THE BLACK SWAN! Discomfort is going to be a large part of Hollywood ACTUALLY moving forward from the Weinstein era – not to mention the #OscarsSoWhite controversy that's not even close to out of the rearview mirror. Portman's fire jab started it, breaking with politeness and saying loudly the mumbled complaint. In case Greta Gerwig for "Lady Bird" wasn't already a (very deserved) lock for a Best Director nomination, she is now. 

Loser: Seth Meyers

Hosting an awards show is one of the most thankless jobs in Hollywood, but last night was particularly so for Seth Meyers. Not that he did a bad job; I actually think Meyers mostly toed the tricky line well and threw some fun, bitter and deserved jabs. But last night was frankly not the time for a white guy to serve as the evening's face and main spokesman. And his attempt to deflect and say that he's not powerful in Hollywood or that women didn't want to host just rang false, an awkward apologia for getting the gig.

At its occasional worst, it felt a football player talking about getting away with a bad call on a game-winning play; like, something definitely went wrong, but the view's fine where he's sitting. And at its best, Meyers did the best possible job with one he probably shouldn't have taken. If only there was somebody else ... 

Winner: Amy Poehler 

Oh ... like her. #ReclaimingMyWine

Loser: James Franco

Bringing Tommy Wiseau, the cracked mastermind behind the greatest awful movie of all time and inspiration for your winning performance, onto the stage was a wonderful move by Franco. Less wonderful was giving him a forearm shove when he made a move toward the microphone. If you're going to give somebody their moment, actually give them the moment instead of a mild elbow to the sternum. 

Winner: Hugh Jackman's face while James Franco was on stage

We thought "The Disaster Artist" was a little overrated too, Jean Valjean. 

Loser: Play-off music

After Nicole Kidman's lovely but admittedly long speech, I wondered if the play-off music was banned for the night – especially with all of the activism and strong emotions in the room. But no, the cursed orchestra showed up unfashionably late, making its first appearance interrupting Alexandre Desplat, the winner for Best Score. Is there no honor among Hollywood conductors!? Then the music tried to cut Guillermo del Toro short, and the delightful director wouldn't have it – to the point that the music had to shamefully sulk away for a moment and think about what it was doing with its life.

Honestly though, play-off music: Think about your life, think about your choices.

Winner: The women of the Golden Globes

While most of the men kept to themselves about the big issues of the night, almost every single woman giving a speech or presenting Sunday night delivered a powerful or potent line to an audience of warm, receptive, cheering sisters-in-arms. As Frances McDormand said, "I keep my politics private, but it was really great to be in this room tonight." And every time a woman spoke, it was really great to be granted privilege into that room. A statement was made last night – by the ladies at least. As for the men ... 

Loser: The men of the Golden Globes

Pledging to wear all-black tuxedos on the red carpet isn't a statement. That's just a regular awards show.

Winner: Frances McDormand

Yeah, she won Best Actress for her turn in "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri," but she deserved another trophy for her speech, which opened with her telling her fellow nominees that the afterparty tequila was on her, and it only got better from there. Plus, she shooed away a camera.

This woman is a national treasure.

Loser: Whoever was in charge of the audio during Frances McDormand's speech

Words that get bleeped on television: "Fox Searchlight" and "tectonic shift." Words that don't get bleeped on television: "shite." Checks out – though it's going to ruin PBS's upcoming nature doc on earthquakes. 

Winner: That conversation between Kelly Clarkson and Steve Carell

It had to be about "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" right? Somebody please get us a transcript of that conversation. Hanks? You got this, Hanks?

Loser: Anyone trying to predict the Oscars based on anything that happened Sunday night

Awards shows don't mean anything, but the Golden Globes REALLY don't mean anything. These people don't vote for the Academy Awards. They just really like being in the same room as famous people. The events of the past year gave last night's festivities a punchier and occasionally potent atmosphere, and this first-draft attempt to vocalize the collective outrage of an industry was powerful ... but also often clumsy. ("Time's up, Hollywood scumbags! And now, Kirk Douglas and Gary Oldman!")

But it's still just the Globes. At most, all that means is some movies have buzz, some movies don't have buzz and all of your favorite celebrities are VERY buzzed.

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.