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G-Love may have put it best in his 1994 tune "Baby Got Sauce" when he said: "I need some time / some time a lone with my crew / to do the stupid things that we used to do."
Let's face it, every now and then a guy needs some time to bond with his fellow men. It's not, however, always feasible to round up the boys and hop the next flight to Las Vegas, that great utopia of male bonding and recreation. Even a night out at the regular haunts gets old after a while.
Enter Wisconsin Dells. Yes, that tourist-trap Mecca of Water Parks, Illinois tourists and novelty T-shirt shops in the center of the state. What was once just a summer getaway for kids and families is quickly becoming a top destination for a little last minute rest and relaxation, even in the dead of winter or on the verge of warmer temperatures.
The Dells offers all the things guys need for a successful weekend away: food, beer, gambling ... and even, for those looking to settle down and start a family, members of the fairer sex.
Recently, some friends and I felt the need to get out of town and decided a weekend trip was in order. In the spirit of journalism, we documented as much of the weekend as possible as a service to those needing a similar respite from the daily grind.
A good guys' weekend out should be as close to spur-of-the-moment as possible, especially if members of your entourage happen to have significant others.
A place to call home
The most important task is to book a room. Getting a room, even in winter, isn't as easy as it used to be. As indoor water parks continue to grow in popularity, the number of families making a winter weekend getaway is growing, as well.
We chose the Atlantis Hotel & Suites, 1570 Wisconsin Dells Parkway. It's within walking distance of a popular late-night establishment (we'll discuss in length shortly), and is a quick drive to Downtown.
Like many area hotels, the Atlantis offers off-season specials. Check the hotel's Web site a few days in advance and call the hotel directly to make your reservation.
With eight guys along for the ride, we chose a King Neptune Suite, which featured three queen-sized beds in two rooms, along with a sofa sleeper. The room also had a Jacuzzi, fireplace and wet-bar.
While the Atlantis has an indoor water park, of sorts, it's geared toward the youngsters. (In other words, stay off the waterslide) However, there is a whirlpool in the main pool area that has a bar with big-screen televisions. Both of the hotel's pools have basketball hoops, providing a means for exercise.
Once you're checked in and unpacked. It's time for necessities. If you were smart enough to get into town before the 9 p.m. beer sales cutoff, you'll want to pick up some necessary supplies.
Mr. K's Bottle Stop, 21 Wisconsin Dells Parkway, has an extensive supply of beer, liquor and appropriate mixers. There's also a good assortment of morning-after necessities like Gatorade and bottled water ... as well as aspirin.
Out & about
Now, it's finally time to hit the town. A word of wisdom, though: don't advertise the fact that you're from out of town. Really, you won't impress anybody. The good folks of the Wisconsin Dells-Lake Delton area are unimpressed by your big-city skills. Play it cool, buddy.
Drinking options are somewhat limited. But what the Dells lacks in quantity, it makes up for in quality. The Showboat Saloon, 24 Broadway, in Downtown Wisconsin Dells, is a classic, college-esque tavern with loud music and peanut shells on the floor.
A gathering place for the younger crowd in the community, the Showboat is home to a great little sing-along band in summer, Swing Crew, and has karaoke on Friday and Saturday nights in winter.
The bar is big. There's a dance floor, the requisite pool tables and dart boards and shuffle puck if you want to get your game on. At the bar, you can take your pick of high-end premium beers or just sit back with a classic vintage brew like Pabst, Schlitz or Blatz (which are just $1 on Sundays).
Back at the hotel -- and depending on your sobriety -- the night isn't over yet. Ho-Chunk Casino is just a few miles from the Dells area and offers traditional slot and table games as well as off-track wagering options.
It's never a wise idea to play a game of chance with alcohol in your system, but it stands to reason that it will happen. Again, don't hop in your car. The casino provides a 24-hour shuttle to most hotels. You can call the front desk or the casino, itself, to arrange for a pick up.
Rest, recovery and back on the horse
Chances are you'll be asleep come Saturday morning. Nothing wrong with that, it is vacation, after all. When the gang is ready to rejoin the world of the living, the first order of business is food.
There is something for every taste. Our group gave Famous Dave's Barbeque, 425 Broadway in Downtown Wisconsin Dells, a try. Utilizing the "hair of the dog" theory, a couple of pitchers a beer and the "Rip Tip Sampler" (five pounds of rib tips with two pounds of steak fries ... served on a grabage can lid) brought us back to some sense of normalacy.
Another option, especially for those that took a beating at the tables or at the bar the night before, is the lunch and dinner buffet at Pizza Pub, 1455 Wisconsin Dells Parkway. For around $10, you get your choice of pizza, pasta, salad, soup and dessert.
Spend the rest of the day back at the hotel (you stocked up on beer the night before for a reason) and kick back at the pool. Maybe a trip to the outlet mall might land you some new shoes and also provides a good venue for scouting (for the single members of your party).
When it's time to head back out, give Marley's Nightclub a shot. Located next to Noah's Ark on the center of the Strip, it's a Caribbean-themed restaurant by day that turns into a dance club by night. Expect to find a lot of bachelorette parties and fellow out-of-towners, especially from Chicago.
Marley's takes a little time to get going, so be patient. The upstairs bar is tucked away in a corner and is a great spot to settle in and establish a base of operations. The requisite pool tables, dartboards and video games are located upstairs so you can keep occupied until you're confident enough to hit the dance floor.
If things are slow there are other options: Kahunaville at the Kalahari Resort, 1305 Kalahari Dr., is a Jimmy Buffet-style dance club located in one of the area's pricier resorts. Monk's Bar, has locations Downtown and at the Wilderness Resort, the latter being a run-of-the-mill sports bar and grill kind of establishment. Or, you could just end up back Downtown at the Showboat.
No matter what the final destination is, grabbing a post-bar bite isn't quite as easy as stumbling to the nearest George Webb. There is a Country Kitchen located right in the center of town, but it is often closed at night during the winter. Two Denny's locations - one on the south end of town just off Exit 92 and the other near Exit 87 - are both close to many hotels and are open 24 hours. But that's about it.
Back to reality
Prior to checking out, it's always a wise idea to check around for personal belongings. Make sure everybody has their debit cards, car keys and cell phones before you hit the road. Hit up one of the regular fast-food spots to get some much-needed grease and prepare for a quiet ride home.
The Dells in the winter has a lot of benefits in conjunction to a summer vacation. Sure, the number of open attractions is much greater after Memorial Day Weekend, the prices are also higher and the crowds are much bigger.
A winter trip is an ideal weekend getaway for the guys -- and the ladies, as well. It's cheap, it's close to home and there's still plenty of action.
