This year has already seen its share of awful movies ("Head Over Heels," "Get Over It" and "The Wedding Planner" are a few) but it's going to be tough for a movie to be worse than the "Heartbreakers." Despite a good cast, with the exception of the talentless Jennifer Love Hewitt, it is one of the worst movies in years.
Sigourney Weaver and Hewitt star as a mother/daughter con artist team. To make a living, mom seduces a wealthy man and gets him to propose as soon as possible. Immediately after the wedding, the daughter comes in and all but forces the man to make a pass at her. Conveniently, the new bride walks in at just the right time, catching her husband in the act. They settle quickly and get as much money as possible. Sometimes for good measure a car is thrown in.
It's hard to keep their names straight, since they have so many, but the mother's real name is Max and the daughter is Paige.
"Heartbreakers" opens with Max's wedding to Dean Cumanno (Ray Liotta), a New Jersey man who owns a lucrative car stripping business. The women work their scam and get a lot of cash plus a new Mercedes convertible.
Not content with being a comedy, some soap opera melodrama is added. Paige wants to go off on her own but Max doesn't think she is ready. They fight and complain a lot, and both women are unlikable from the start. It's hard to believe they are mother and daughter.
Reluctantly, Paige agrees to do one last score in Palm Beach. They are going to work a filthy rich tobacco company tycoon named William Tensy (Gene Hackman). He is worth $3 billion and they hope to get half. How ambitious and noble of them.
The last thing this movie needed was more plot, but that's exactly what you get. Dean is on his way to Palm Beach to confront Max (or, as he knows her, Angela) and Paige is falling for a nice bar owner named Jack (Jason Lee). He is a good person and he likes to look at stars. But Paige isn't supposed to fall for anyone so this causes many problems.
There are too many things wrong with "Heartbreakers" to list here. Most of the blame must go to its writers, Paul Guay, Robert Dunn and Stephen Mazur. This is the best that three people could come up with? Max and Paige are abhorrent people but we are supposed to root for them. That is sick and wrong.
Worst of all, it's over two hours long! Comedies are not supposed to be that long. The first 90 minutes are bad enough, but the last half-hour could compete for the worst 30 minutes ever put to film. It's full of melodrama and phony sentimentality.
It's sad to see such a great group of actors in such a bad movie. Hackman, Liotta, Weaver and Lee all should have known better. Hewitt, however, with her voice like fingernails across a chalkboard is out of her league with this cast.
If you want to see a good movie about con artists, there are some by David Mamet; rent one. This is simply a terrible movie.
Grade: F
"Heartbreakers" opens everywhere Fri., March 23.
