In OMC's exclusive "Milwaukee Horoscope," Moony Snyder Edler scries into her magic cheese ball to find out which bar you should frequent in '06.
Aries (March 21-April 19) It's going to be a kinky one, Aries, so the powers that be suggest heading over to Club Anything in search of blood-red beverages and bondage. At some point this year, have someone blindfold you for a few hours, either in the bedroom or when you're out and about, so you can practice what's going to be monumental for you in 2006: the art of listening.
Taurus (April 20-May20) It's time to travel the world this year, but not literally. Hence, the Nomad World Pub is your destination, but don't overindulge and find yourself geographically located next to the toilet brush. Instead, take an inspired pal along with you, have a couple (okay, maybe a few) beers, and talk about where you are going -- really going -- this year.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) Once again, Gemini, it's going to be a sloppy year of lampshades on heads and yesterday's undies in your messenger bag. That said, don't fool yourself with short beers or overpriced cocktails fat with ice. Instead, go to Bryant's and slop down a brainbuster or something with at least four different liquors swirling around in one stupid-tall glass. But don't forget, what comes up must come down, so 2007 is going to be all about cleansing. (Editor's note: Bryant's closed in 2007).
Cancer (June 22-July 22) It's a year of reflection for you, so head for the top of The Pfister to a bar called Blu. Why? What you need is perspective, and Blu's incredible view of the city will provide you with all the big thinking you need to do. Plus, the drinks are perfect for you -- a person who is more interested in thoughts than booze -- so you won't mind spending a mint on a martini.
Leo (July 23-August 22) Your drinking habits are going to resemble that of a third shifter with a bad case of drinker's arm. Yes, it's all about the morning buzz this year, Leo, so brunch is going to be your new best friend. We recommend Barossa, guaranteed to serve the breakfast beverages of champions. (Editor's note: Barossa closed in 2007). Why all the morning imbibing? Its just about mixing up the routine and not allowing yourself to get too comfy in your ways. That, and taking long afternoon naps.
Virgo (Aug. 23-September 22) You're really going to struggle to stay on top of your sh*t this year, so make sure you hang out in the freshest new bars to, hopefully, keep your personal life fresh, too. Where? Until the next "it" bar opens in '06, we suggest the new Social or Balzac.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) The scales tip towards the strip clubs this year, Libra. Maybe you need to loosen the tie, shake the root chakra and send your prudish nature up the pole for good. On The Border is your place this year, so toss your inhibitions in the trunk and drive south with nothing but a wad of singles and the willingness to rethink everything you were told was wrong.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) It's real simple, Scorpy: You need stability this year, so we can define your drinking destination in one word (well two if you count the article): The Landmark. It's a cornerstone of drinking culture for decades now, and no matter what happens in your life, you can always count on the Landmark's stench to stay the same: somewhere between Millers, Marby's and feet.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You need more exercise in '06, so we recommend The Mad Planet on '80s night. You'll drink less, dance more and quite possibly start a new exercise craze called goth-ercize. Just steer clear from The Planet's .50 Ho-Ho's.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Hoof it to Club Timbuktu this year, Cappy. You need to sprinkle some of the earth's salt on that silver spoon of yours, experience new things and mix it up with new folks. Otherwise, you're headed straight for the land of plaid and politeness. Yawn.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) 2006 is a year of makeovers for you. Maybe it's a peachier lip gloss or a new nose, but more likely we mean a makeover of the mind. You need to rethink choices and make sure you are really the person you want to be. And what better place to consider your personal makeup than a joint that was made-over not so long ago? Yep, Lee's Luxury Lounge is your G spot, Aqua.
Pieces (Feb. 19-Mar 20) Nothing's going to change for you at all this year, fishy. Sorry, but absolutely everything's going to stay the same, so keep going out with the same people to the same places. Above all, keep visiting the same on-line magazines like this one.
