A few weeks ago, I attended my friends' Grace and Craig's wedding in Jackson, Miss. (and apparently I'm banned for life from the South after questioning the use of the Confederate flag in a blog). Since the weather was quite a bit warmer down there, I busted out my summer suit -- a lighter, gray outfit that I don't wear often.
I don't wear suits often at all, but when I do, it's usually a darker, heavier one. However, it turns out I haven't worn the gray suit since two Halloweens ago, when I dressed up as "Borat."
The reason that I know the last time I wore this suit was revealed about half-way through dinner, when I noticed a few small plastic bottles in my breast pocket. It could've been the open bar talking, but I broke out laughing when I realized that I still had a tube of spirit gum, a tube of spirit gum remover, and most importantly, a fake mustache in my pocket.
I knew then and there what I needed to do.
I patiently waited through dinner, until the dancing started. Then, I waited until Craig was taking a little breather. I waited until he was talking to my co-worker, Erin, who was thoroughly enjoying the open bar, too.
Just then, I applied a little spirit gum, slapped on the disgustingly realistic theatrical mustache (made with real human hair -- yuck!) and walked up to the two, casually discussing the weather or something.
As expected, hilarity ensued. My other co-worker, Zach, was on-the-ball enough to snap the awesome photo you see above as I struggled to keep the 'stache affixed during the sultry, Southern night.
It got me thinking: I'm gonna keep a mustache in every suit.
I saw an interview with Leslie Nielson once in which he said he carries a "fart machine" with him everywhere, just to break the ice. Since that's been done, I plan on being the guy with the fake mustache at weddings, funerals, state dinners, you name it -- any occasion in which a little low-brow mustache humor is just what the doctor ordered.
Andy is the founder and co-owner of OnMilwaukee.com. He returned to Milwaukee in 1996 after living on the East Coast for nine years, where he wrote for The Dallas Morning News Washington Bureau and worked in the White House Office of Communications. He was also Associate Editor of The GW Hatchet, his college newspaper at The George Washington University.
Before launching OnMilwaukee.com in 1998 at age 23, he worked in public relations for two Milwaukee firms, most of the time daydreaming about starting his own publication.
Hobbies include running when he finds the time, fixing the rust on his '75 MGB, mowing the lawn at his cottage in the Northwoods, and making an annual pilgrimage to Phoenix for Brewers Spring Training.