Dating is one of the preeminent components of teen culture. It is constantly pushed on us in movies, with school dances and with friends.
The pressure to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school and middle school is enormous. One of the constant conversations between guys is how far each guy have gone with different girls. Everyone has accepted dating as the norm. Everyone except for Joshua Harris, that is.
Harris is a Christian author, who wrote a book a couple years ago called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." He begins by talking about some of his own personal experiences with dating. Throughout the book he talks about the dangers and hardships that come of dating. Teens who are dating often end up violating each other morally, even though it may be voluntarily.
They try to take on the struggles of constantly having a significant other, having to always spend time and money on them and giving up other things that teens should be doing to be with that person. Harris talks about these, then gives reasons why you shouldn't date so young.
He talks about how a relationship with God is much more important at this age than focusing all attention on another person with whom the relationship most likely won't last past high school. He references the Bible often in his book, while answering questions like, How do I know how to look for the person I should marry, and how to keep myself pure before marriage? He uses Biblical answers to show what God says about marriage and relationships.
My mom showed me the book and I was immediately reluctant to read it. I am a 17-year-old teenage boy who loves to spend time with teenage girls. However, my mother was quite insistent that I read this book. As I went through each chapter, I was indeed challenged by what this author had to say. As a born-again believer in Jesus Christ, I realized how much dating takes away from a relationship with God.
Each section made me pause and examine my thoughts on the dating game that everyone loves to play. I took a look at some of my friends and their relationships. One of my friends in the last year has had three girlfriends. Most guys would be jealous, but let's take a closer look. I am friends with all three of the girls that he dated. They all started out friends with this guy, but soon moved it on to being a couple. They had a good time for a couple of months, but then separated. Now they hardly talk with him at all. Instead of maintaining a great, fulfilling friendship, they escalated it and it ended after such a short time.
Dating may be wonderful for a time, but hardly any of these relationships continue to be anything meaningful after high school. In high school, dating takes away from more than just God. It takes away from quality time with other friends, schoolwork, a job, and perhaps sports.
Rushing through homework to be able to take this person to a movie, blowing off other friends time and time again to go do nothing at this person's house, or even quitting a sport to spend more time with this person may seem the right thing to do at that moment, but when you look back after the relationship has ended, was it really worth it all?
Now, you may not agree with this viewpoint, as I don't even like to acknowledge it as a teenage boy. But if you look around, it is true that it's more beneficial to everyone to stay friends for a long time than rush into something for a short period of time. I would encourage you to check out this book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris and examine your view of the dating game. You can find this book at most Christian bookstores.
Be sure to check out my next story, a follow-up to this with dating from girl's perspective and some reactions to this idea from other teens.
