By Sara Conrad Special to Published Sep 27, 2010 at 9:54 AM

A hilarious (read: horrendous) thing happened the other day. I opened my wallet and flies flew out. I asked one of those flies if I could borrow a couple bucks, and the fly turned his pockets inside out and laughed. I said, "Shoo fly, don't bother me" and squished him.

Crudbuckets! Time for plan "B," also known as Plan BROKE ... as a joke.

What does a fly (ha, I'm so punny) girl such as myself do to drown my sorrows ... er ... have a good time, when the cash flow is drier than an armadillo's back? Smush my own grapes? Pick some dandelions and whip up some wine? Drink my own tears?

Then I remembered ... this is Milwaukee! Land of the free and the frugal. We've been getting drunker than skunks for decades on little more than pocket change.

So I poured myself a sparkling glass of Milwaukee's Best and did some digging. Turns out, there's a whole bunch of fly-filled wallets all about town. Every corner of our fair city is filled with bars appealing to our kind.

I present to you, my broke-ass brothers and sistahs, the Sorrow Be Drowned list! Let's put this whole "eat, drink and be merry" crap to the test, shall we?

Notte Night Lounge
1033 N. Old World 3rd St. (414) 308-6330

Head here on Thursdays! That's when my female friends can drink all night for only a buck. That's right. One dollar. Like whoa. Boys don't cry, so don't. You're also able to get your drunk on for $2 per drink. Notte so shabby!

Bar None
1139 N. Water St. (414) 226-6969

Ever pay $6 for a single glass of beer? Yeah. Me, too. Oh, the good ol' days! Let's drink to those days of ol' but this time our six bucks will get you an entire pitcher. If you need some extra oomph, shots are only $2.

Bryant's Cocktail Lounge
1579 S. 9th St. (414) 383-2620

If you're looking to go back in time (possibly to a time you weren't in the poor house) look no further than Bryant's. Fittingly you can order Depression era cocktails for half price on Tuesday through Friday from 5 to 9 p.m.

Oakcrest Tavern
4022 N. Oakland Ave., Shorewood (414) 967-0222

Living in the fancy schmancy burbs and still seeing flies coming out of your pocket book? Those oh-so-proper pests may be wearing top hats and monocles, but they're still flies ... and you're still broke. Oakcrest says "buggah off, yeh fly!" and offers you a taco Tuesday to remember. Or not. $3 tacos, $4 margaritas and $4 Long Islands (hellllo!) means you can tip your (top) hat toward a swift economic recovery.

The Black Rose Irish Pub
2856 N. Oakland Ave. (414) 763-6526

If you're itching to swallow your sad a tad sooner than five o'clock, you'll be happy to know that The Black Rose's happy hour starts at 4. You can get a jump on drinking before all your employed friends get off of work! Win! Black Rose's specials include $2 draft lites (you don't want to get too silly now!) and $3 rail drinks. Bottoms up!

170 S. 1st St. (414) 273-7800

Remember when you were a wee lil' one and you could pretend your way out of a cardboard box? Let's go back to the wonderful world of imagination. At Stack'd you can pretend you're still a high roller. For your $5 gets you a top of the notch Bloody Mary that includes not only Nueske's bacon but also a nice sized beer chaser. Toss in the $5 pulled pork nachos and you can almost taste the glory days.

2028 E. North Ave. (414) 765-0101

Live is my version of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and Cookie Monster (don't ask) all wrapped up in one. It was MADE for folks like us. The, ahem, frugal. Their drink specials are a never-ending story written on paper made of win. The most intriguing of them falls on Tuesday. It's named "Chug-a-lug Tuesday," which you know I can appreciate. For $13 you can drink your face off. No really, you can drink 'til your empty piggy bank is a distant memory. Thirteen bucks is all you need to drink. All night long. Me likey.

My Bar Card
In Your Wallet, Milwaukee

If you're used to flashing plastic to impress, you'll be happy to know you can still whip out a card to receive jealous stares and wanting whispers. Your new card of choice is My Bar Card. For a mere $5 per month you can receive steep discounts to over 60 venues including bars (yay!), restaurants, nightclubs and sporting events. Your friends will be jealous. Just remind them that the new fashionable is spelled f-r-u-g-a-l-i-t-y.

Sara Conrad Special to

To say Sara is a woman of many hats would be like saying sour gummy worms are delicious: an epic understatement. Besides blogging, vlogging, tweeting and designing, she is a gal about town. Hopping, skipping and jumping all over this fair city to seek out the latest and greatest.

Since moving to Milwaukee right after high school, Sara's ADD has led her to reside in nearly every ZIP code Milwaukee has to offer. She recently moved from the Third Ward to Shorewood, and though the quieter scene isn't sucking, she vows to prove the burbs' swagger is right up there with the city's.

The Milwaukee area is one of many hats. And Sara's determined to try on each and every one of 'em.