The promise of what to expect comes in the very first song.

"Something appealing
Something appalling,
Something for everyone:
A comedy tonight!

Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns;
Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!

Old situations
New complications,
Nothing portentous or polite;
Tragedy tomorrow,
Comedy tonight!"

The play is "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum," the Tony-award winning musical from Stephen Sondheim. It opened Wednesday night at Off The Wall Theatre.

The problem was that the funny part was missing. 

I sat through two hours of what many have called the funniest musical ever and never once did I even crack a smile. I even felt a little guilty about it, wondering why this show was leaving me so cold.

The story is a funny one, set back in Roman times. The title is a play on the famous vaudeville line uttered by hundreds of comics, "A funny thing happened on the way to the theater tonight."

The slave Pseudolus (Zachary Dean) wants nothing more than to win his freedom. Hero (Patrick McCann) promises to free his slave if he will help Hero win the hand of the winsome Philia (Brittni Hesse).

All manner of shenanigans arise, including a bunch of courtesans, a captain in the army, a slave to an old man and his wife, the courtesans' keeper and a virgin.

In typical farce fashion, Pseudolus gets close, only to have his hopes dashed, then gets close again and on and on until the end.

"Forum" is a funny show and was the first in which Sondheim wrote both the music and lyrics. There aren’t any incredibly memorable songs, but it is a classic example of Sondheim’s way with words. This is a man, after all, who has won a Pulitzer Prize, among many other awards.

"Forum" is a difficult show to do, especially given the farce elements and the frantic ins and outs of the stage action. It’s especially difficult to pull all of this off in a small space, like Off The Wall’s small space on Wells Street. It almost seemed like the humor in this play was just smothered by the claustrophobia of the surroundings, like trying to stuff a gallon of water into a 10-ounce cup.

The logistical difficulties may have been overcome by the efforts of a great cast, but those kind of performances were nowhere to be seen. The singing was passable in some cases and far less so in others. Perfect timing, so crucial to successful comedy, must have been in another theater somewhere. The line of offenders was a long one.

Kristin Pagenkopf, who played the mother of Hero, managed to turn a funny song, "That Dirty Old Man," into a bore. Nicholas Callan Haubner, who played a Roman warrior, had two speeds, loud and fast.

Meanwhile, the six courtesans, who were supposed to be full of comic sexuality, all seemed a little overcome by being on stage and having to act like sexpots. The only thing we got from them was awkward. They had trouble dancing, singing and looking nothing like a goddess who might tempt a warrior. 

Dean has a physical resemblance to Zero Mostel who made the role famous both on Broadway and in the film. But he doesn’t have the kind of sly gravitas that the role demands.

Pseudolus is the smartest guy in the room and he knows it. He is Machiavelli in a toga. But from Dean, we got a character who was more buffoon than brilliant. The pregnant pause is a critical element of this vaudevillian kind of comedy, but the only pauses Wednesday night came when someone stumbled over a line.

Unlike the lyrics in the opening song, there wasn’t anything funny about this show, and that, in itself, is the tragedy we were warned about.

"A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" runs through Dec. 31 and information on showtimes and tickets is available here.