By Dave Roloff Published Feb 19, 2005 at 5:27 AM

{image1} Former MLB superstar Jose Canseco's book has poured more gas on the steroids fire and has dominated sports news this week. All that controversy, however, is not my current dilemma -- the Daytona 500 is.

I am a man who loves all sports. I'll watch just about anything save figure skating, men's gymnastics and NASCAR. My problem is the Daytona 500 is a major sporting event and I can't bring myself to watch it much less throw a huge party for family and friends.

Self-preservation is kicking in and I really don't want a flood of hate e-mails from "NASCAR Nation." Therefore, I have decided to give stock car racing another shot. I just have to get over a few things that really bother me.

Strategy

What strategy is there during the race? Maybe it's that I do not watch very many races, but honestly, even the most rabid fan can't tell when a driver is going all-out or whether he is trying to save tires.

In basketball, you know that the Phoenix Suns want to run, and the goal is trying to slow them down. That strategy is obvious. The only strategy I have figured out in car racing is that Tony Stewart will punch someone if he doesn't win.

Is This a Team Sport?

Stemming from the strategy problem is that some team owners have five cars in the race. There is no question that at the end of the race teammates work together to keep the victory in the family. From my understanding the points are given to the driver that wins, and I am pretty sure stock car racing does not have a statistical category for assists.

It can't possibly be fair for the team that only has one car to battle with Roush Racing or DEI. If racing has morphed into a team sport, they should post team standings so it can facilitate the reasoning for blocking opponents, drafting for teammates, etc.

Who Do I Root For?

This is a huge problem. It is impossible to watch something without rooting for someone. Despite gambling on the race, I will have to randomly find a driver to root for.

There are a few options out there for me. The guy that I am most likely to pick is Matt Kenseth. He is from Wisconsin, and I am a devout homer (not to mention he is a great driver and has a good shot at winning). I already root for a bunch of other losing teams -- this may finally be my chance to root for a winner.

I have a couple of other options. I could root for Rusty Wallace because he drives the Miller car. I like Miller, but Rusty doesn't win unless the track is a small circle. I could root for Junior, but everyone else roots for him and that isn't fun. I could root for Mark Martin, but then I would have to root for the Viagra car. Rooting for the Viagra car poses problems I'll get to later.

There are many other good drivers, but I feel like I have only one choice other than Kenseth. I would have to root for Jeff Gordon because everyone hates this guy. Plus he wins all of the time, giving me many opportunities to rub victory in others' faces.

Although, with safety in mind, I'll be rooting for Kenseth this Sunday.

Length of the Season

I thought the NBA season was long, but this is ridiculous. The season is starting already and it doesn't end until football season. A shorter season would make each race much more important and offer better opportunities for smaller teams. There may be a good reason for the nine-month season, but I can't think of any.

Skynyrd?

Would I have to listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd? Oh wait, I like Skynyrd.

Screaming at Cars

I am a little worried about screaming at cars. Milwaukee already has one "freeway" -- it doesn't need another.

Bumper Stickers

When I pick a driver, do I have to put his number on my car? I can't stand the little number bumper stickers on cars and trucks. If you have a No. 20 on your car do you have to drive like a moron? If you have a sticker from a driver that never wins do you have to drive really slow and let cars pass? Now you should be able to see my problem with rooting for Martin.

Emotional Investment

It has to be hard to root for a driver knowing full well at any point "the franchise" could move to the big city in the sky. I know other individual sports players come and go, but rarely do they go out without ample time to receive gratitude.

Someday the time will come when we all thank Brett Favre for the happiness he has given us. I am pretty sure fans of Dale Earnhardt, Alan Kulwicki, Davey Allison and others would have wanted that chance.

Since I am going to give this my all, I am either going to watch the race at a bar with NASCAR fans or in HD at home with the surround sound turned all the way up. Everyone has told me I need to go to a race to feel the power of the engines. That is simply not possible this week and, in order for me to love a sport, I have to want to watch it on TV.

I have carefully picked my driver.

I will sit next to someone who knows what they are talking about so I can ask questions to further my understanding. I promise to drink heavily, and I will scream loudly at the TV with great fervor. If this doesn't help me enjoy the Super Bowl of racing, I am a lost cause.

Please feel free to offer suggestions, concerns and most likely your hate mail.

Go Matt Kenseth!

Dave Roloff
Dave was born and raised on the south side of Milwaukee. He is a graduate of UW-Oshkosh where he graduated in Business while playing four years of football. He is a sports junkie who, instead of therapy, just watches the Bucks and the Brewers. Dave is a season ticket holder for the Brewers, Bucks and Packers, as well as a football coach at Greendale High School. Dave still likes to think he still can play baseball but has moved on to the more pedestrian sports of bowling and golf. Dave is a Pisces and it depends on whom he is walking with to determine whether he likes long walks on the beach. Dave writes with an encyclopedic knowledge and a sarcastic flare. Mainly to insure his sanity.