By Bob Brainerd Special to Published Jul 25, 2006 at 1:09 PM
The Brewers are calling a press conference on Thursday to announce the addition of a fifth sausage running in the World Famous Klement’s Sausage Races at Miller Park.

What in the name of Randall Simon is going on here?

Isn't four wienies enough?

Can the warning track hold a fifth foam figure?  There’s already enough bumping and banging and jockeying for position the way it is.  I wonder sometimes if I'm watching the World Famous Sausage Race or NASCAR.  At least when the race is over at the ballpark, the sausages don't seek to retaliate and spar with the other guy in the pits.

Come to think of it, I wouldn't mind a little barking by the bratwurst, who feels he got ousted from a potential victory when the Italian side-swiped him near the visitors dugout.

We all turned our heads when they added the hot dog.  He wasn't a missing link from the original trio, but you had to give the frankfurter his due at a baseball game.  Hot dogs outsell brats, even in Milwaukee, when the Brewers are in action, so letting #4 take his place along side the Bratwurst, Italian and Polish was the right thing to do!

But now, who will this mystery meat turn out to be?  

I can't wait for the unveiling -- time to speculate.

BEER BRAT.  Another brat, sure, but this one runs with two pitchers of Miller High Life in his hands.  Steady as she goes down the home stretch, BB.  Beer Brat could fill empty fans glasses along the railing, then quench the thirst of his racing counterparts at the finish line.

HOT ITALIAN.  Again, another Italian sausage, but make this one female.  Big eyelashes with lipstick and flowing black hair.  It’s summertime, so only a short skirt, tube top and high heels work for Ms. Italian.  Purse is optional.  All the college guys in the bleachers yell out during the race "She is SO HOT!:

TURKEY BRAT.  If Beer Brat isn't responsible enough, take the brat and put turkey feathers on him.  Of course, without all the extra fat, this sausage would be leaner, and would no doubt, beat the stuffing out of those other four fat slobs!

ANDOUILLE SAUSAGE.  I'm thinking a dark red sausage with an alligator snout and tail.  If you really want to make this a Cajun delight, throw a washboard over his chest.  Have Brett Favre throw on the costume for the inaugural run.

KIELBASA RING.  This sounds like a bunch of bologna, but I think this guy could become the new fan favorite.  A seasoned sausage that curls and connects.  Tip for other sausage competitors: if The Ring is winning, jump through him to hit the tape head first.

BRAT BURGER.  Maybe not.  Besides, only someone the size of J.J. Hardy could fit inside that smashed up pork product.

CHEESY BRAT.  This might work, although, how do we demonstrate that this version has cheese inside?  Leaving a trail of cheddar in front of the on deck circle may be frowned upon by Brewer batters.

BREAKFAST LINK.  Eggs for eyes?  It is the most important meal of the day, so don't discount The Link.

CHICAGO STYLE HOT DOG.  Never!  Not in this state!  Besides, what would set this sausage apart from the rest?  He’s from Chicago, so he’s rude and full of himself?  I've got it -- make him stop at home plate and pay a toll!  This wiener would NEVER win!

And, the most likely candidate:

CHORIZO: The Brewers are changing their name to "Los Cerveceros" on Saturday night in order to pay tribute to Hispanic baseball. Former Brewers pitcher Teddy Higuera and former Braves legend Felix Mantilla will be honored in a pre-game ceremony and the game will feature mariachi bands, bilingual announcements and other surprises.
Bob Brainerd Special to
Born and raised in Milwaukee, what better outlet for Bob to unleash his rambling bits of trivial information than right here with

Bob currently does play-by-play at Time Warner Cable Sports 32, calling Wisconsin Timber Rattlers games in Appleton as well as the area high school football and basketball scene. During an earlier association with FS Wisconsin, his list of teams and duties have included the Packers, Bucks, Brewers and the WIAA State Championships.

During his life before cable, Bob spent seven seasons as a reporter and producer of "Preps Plus: The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel High School Sports Show."

And the joke is, Bob has a golf shirt from all four Milwaukee television stations. Sad, but true: Bob has had sports and news anchor/reporter/producer stints at WTMJ, WISN, WDJT and WITI.

His first duty out of college (UW-Oshkosh) was radio and TV work in Eau Claire. Bob spent nearly a decade at WEAU-TV as a sports director and reporter.

You may have heard Bob's pipes around town as well. He has done play-by-play for the Milwaukee Mustangs, Milwaukee Iron, and UW-Milwaukee men's and women's basketball. Bob was the public address announcer for five seasons for both the Marquette men and women's basketball squads. This season, you can catch the starting lineups of the UW-Milwaukee Panther men's games with Bob behind the mic.

A Brookfield Central graduate, Bob's love and passion for sports began at an early age, when paper football leagues, and Wiffle Ball All Star Games were all the rage in the neighborhood.