Time to pop open a bottle of rose and pass out roses, because "The Bachelorette" is back on Tuesday night. And while Clare Crawley's upcoming season is guaranteed to be unlike any other before, here's a welcome familiar face: the return of reality television fantasy leagues at SportClub.
Beginning Tuesday, Oct. 13, OnMilwaukee, Kesslers Diamonds and SportClub will team up for another round of the Bachelorette Fantasy League, getting you in on the latest "Bachelorette" competition without having to live in a mansion with a bunch of drunk bubbled reality show bros, hang out in questionable hot tubs or have your fate decided by Chris Harrison.
To get into the league, just email your name to firstname.lastname@example.org along with four contestants before the season premiere at 7 p.m. on Tuesday night. Then, each week throughout the season, send four selected fellas to SportClub that you think will score the most points that episode across several silly, rosé-swilling categories – from wearing a costume for your limo introduction to earning a rose to merely reading the date card to saying (everybody say it with me now) "I'm not here to make friends." Your chosen contestants can also lose you points for having an ex appear on the show, mentioning their very important Instagram influencer careers or just merely any time Clare brings up Juan Pablo.
Accumulate the most points by the end of the season, and you could win a $500 gift card from Kesslers.
Your weekly contestants can score and subtract additional points with categories including 10 points for snagging a date involving live music (is there any other kind on this show? It should be worth 15 points if it's a country music star), 10 points for accusing someone of being there for the wrong reasons, negative points for stripping down to the point of getting black boxed by producers and, because this is 2020 and we live in bizarre times, negative points if he tests positive for COVID. To quote Harrison, it's sure to be the most dramatic season of the Bachelorette Fantasy League yet.
And in case you're like most of the Bachelorette stars and not particularly great at picking winning guys, you can still win by also waching at SportClub and competing in Bachelorette Bingo, with weekly prizes like free food, drinks, gift cards and more.
As a fan of the show (or, to be accurate, a fan of chugging considerable amounts of wine during the show) and an even bigger fan of winning things, sure, I'll throw some first-week picks into the fray. Here are my four champion Chads for the first week of the show, solely based on their bios posted on "The Bachelorette" website.
1. Mike: Mike is Canadian, so he probably won't score me many points in the jerkwad categories – but he "is a proud, lifelong member of the Shania Twain fan club," so I bet he sings "Man! I Feel Like A Woman" hopefully on the premiere. Plus, he uses the word "vulnerable" right in his bio, so that's like a guaranteed five points right there!
2. Kenny: Kenny is a boy band manager, which raises the very important question: What boy bands still exist that need representation? Does this guy live in the year 1999? Anyways, he loves music, though, so I got good vibes that he'll pull a Jed and sing or at least dance at some point. Plus, he works out with his dad so that should hopefully be five points from his introductory montage, and he hates cheese, so he's clearly a monster who cannot be trusted ... other than to score me points for how much everyone will hate him.
3. Blake: A guy described as a "male grooming specialist"? Oh yeah, this guy's showing up in a costume or with a goofy prop on night one.
4. Jason: There are not one but TWO former pro football players this season, hoping to become the next Colton (minus the restraining orders). I'll go with Jason for the points, though, because he says "he had his fun during his NFL days" and he "wants a woman who can keep up with his big personality," which all seems like code for "I'm an ass." Bad news for Clare – but good news for scoring those jerkwad points!
So be sure to pick your four champion contestants each week, send them along to SportClub before each Tuesday episode to score points in the Bachelorette Fantasy League and be sure to watch the show every Tuesday night. The best way to do so? Tune in at SportClub – either in the back boot room or, if you're more comfortable outdoors, ask to watch on the bar's lovely patio space – for wine and bubbly specials. (And, of course, by tuning into my Bachelorette recaps in video form on Facebook Live at 9:05 p.m. each Tuesday night and in print form each Wednesday morning on OnMilwaukee.)
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.