By Steve Czaban Special to OnMilwaukee.com Published Dec 20, 2006 at 5:29 AM
Happy Brawl-idays!

With the punishments now in for the Nuggets-Knicks dust-up at the Garden, I decided this little melee needed an unofficial “ranking” in the annals of sports brawls. And, thanks to the boys at SI.com who have put together this fantastic collection of facts and photos from these fights, I have decided to rank them in order of “epic-ness,” for lack of a better term.

I have picked the best 15 of the list of 22, and tried to assign a logical order. Let’s get it on!

15. Red Sox vs. Yankees (July 2004)
This was the brawl at Fenway where catcher Jason Varitek launched the festivities by shoving his catchers mitt into A-Rod’s face like it was a cream pie on a clown show. A-Rod lingered at the plate a few seconds too long after getting plunked, and it was on! Not only did the Sox rally to win that day, but the “in your face” move by Varitek was the psychic retribution for losing the A-Rod “derby” to the Yankees in the first place.

14. Knicks vs. Nuggets (December 2006)
George Karl vs. Isiah Thomas. Carmelo Anthony and his bitch-slap and sissy-backpedal. Isiah claiming “surrender” afterwards. Nate Robinson claiming the Nuggets were trying to “show them up” in their own house (Note: same guy who once missed a dunk by trying to bounce the ball to himself off the backboard). Good stuff.

13. Frank Francisco vs. Oakland A’s fans (September 2004)
Woman sitting next to guy giving ol’ Frankie some gas ends up with a folding chair crushing her nose in a bloody mess. Somebody, call Springer!

12. Clemson vs. South Carolina (November 2004)
Not much in the way of comedic value in this one, but raw, brutal, and totally out of control. The lasting image is of the helmetless South Carolina player laying prone, while a Clemson thug tees him up like and extra point. It was Lou Holtz’s last game coaching, and both teams declined their bowl bids in the wake of it. Expensive, and stupid.

11. Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura (August 1993)

Didn’t involve too many others besides the main event, but didn’t need it. Here was a 46-year-old Texas legend showing a young punk like Ventura “Hey kid, this is what I do. You must not know who I am!” Gave rise to the term: “Nolan Ryan-sized noogies!” Amazing side note: Ventura got kicked out of the game, but Ryan stayed and won!

10. Red Sox vs. Yankees (October 2003)
Seeing Pedro tip over Zimmer like a garbage can was priceless. Zim apparently thought he could take a 5-11, 180-pound whippet like Pedro. Wrong.

9. Yankees vs. Orioles (May 1998)

Armando Benitez settles the score on a Bernie Williams HR with a 100 mile per hour bruise-missile right to Tino Martinez’s back. The ensuing melee was ugly, and violent. It took a full 10 minutes or more to restore order, as the hostilities kept flaring up as the mass of bodies moved like an amoeba around the infield.

8. Giants vs. Dodgers (August 1965)

Two words: Juan Marichal and bat. The clonking of Johnny Roseboro on the head stands the test of time in sports as a “Holy sh--” moment. Marichal took the lumber to the mound in pursuit of Sandy Koufax. The suspension was for just 9 games, and $1,750.

7. Flyers vs. Senators (March 2004)
Amazing that this donnybrook took place many years after the NHL had taken dramatic steps to curtail bench clearing stuff like this. It set the record for penalty minutes with 419, and they were lucky to have enough skaters to finish the game. Priceless picture: goalies Patrick Lalime and Robert Esch going nuts on each other.

6. Pete Rose vs. Bud Harrelson (October 1973)
First of all, this was a PLAYOFF brawl, so that gets extra points. Secondly, it was the always ready-to-go Charlie Hustle. Third, it ended up with Pedro Borbon wearing the wrong hat. And the part about the taking a BITE out of the hat in anger? I would love to see that on video, if it’s really true.

5. Knicks v. Heat (April 1998)
The “Jeff Van Ankle Weight” brawl. Nothing more needs saying.

4. U of Miami vs. Florida International (October 2006)
To quote the bard, Lamar Thomas: “Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! You don’t come into the O.B. and start talking junk like that. You’re across the ocean there. You come in and do that, you deserve to get your butt kicked!” Priceless. Bonus footnote was FIU’s infamous “Ned” coming into the fray on crutches and jeans. Wow.

3. Bruins v. Rangers (December 23, 1979)
Now lets see… When Kenny Rogers of the Texas Rangers knocked over one camera man, it was like 12 straight days of debate on sports radio and led SportsCenter three news cycles a day. What would a hockey fight where players went into the stands and beat up fans with their own shoes merit if it were to happen today? It boggles the mind. Merry Christmas! Now eat some of your own Cole Hahn leather, you maggot!

2. Golata vs. Bowe (July 1996)
Of all the brawls in sports, where you were watching it and thinking “you know, somebody might just die in front of my eyes here” – this one was it. Chairs, mayhem, all kinds of bad characters at a heavyweight title fight. Recipe for disaster. The best part was that back in ’96, cell phones were still about the size of a small brick, and Golata got cracked good with one in the head. Try doing that with a Motorola Razor!

1. Malice at the Palace (October 2004)

So many elements of this brawl make it the all time champ, and it may stay that way until long after we’re all dead. Ron Artest laying down on the scorers table. Huh? And that cup of ice, that flew from several rows away? Had it landed 12 inches short, none of it happens. None. Like the perfect spark on a heaping pile of gas soaked logs. Then you had the fans, center stage, on the floor, ready to go with players. The poor fan who was happily enjoying the mayhem, only to have his face turn to horror when he saw Artest coming for him! Players brandishing dust-pans on their way out the tunnel. Popcorn and beer coming down in waves. A 40-pound bench chair flying dangerously into the scrum. On top of it all was Jim Gray, reporting breathlessly, his voice quaking in fear and excitement afterward. And then, the stooges on ESPN going after the fans and not the players.

Ladies and gentlemen, in terms of sports brawls, this one was a masterpiece!
Steve Czaban Special to OnMilwaukee.com

Steve is a native Washingtonian and has worked in sports talk radio for the last 11 years. He worked at WTEM in 1993 anchoring Team Tickers before he took a full time job with national radio network One-on-One Sports.

A graduate of UC Santa Barbara, Steve has worked for WFNZ in Charlotte where his afternoon show was named "Best Radio Show." Steve continues to serve as a sports personality for WLZR in Milwaukee and does fill-in hosting for Fox Sports Radio.