Whether it's a bachelor party, client schmoozing or just a drunken guys' night out, these women lay down strict rules about setting foot inside a strip club. I know a few that even threatened divorce over the issue.
Personally, it doesn't bother me that much to know if my boyfriend is going to a strip club, as long as it's for one of those specific events. I'd rather know than wonder why he smells like cigarettes, cheap whiskey and cheaper perfume; and let's not forget the glitter. Left without ample explanation, that could end badly. I don't know whether it's jealousy or insecurity (if there is a difference) or just the basic dislike of knowing your husband or boyfriend is paying to hang out with a bunch of naked chicks, but it does seem to push some women to extreme measures.
Men like to look, they like to watch and they really get a kick out of seeing naked women slide down poles for a handful of crumpled dollar bills. We all get the visual metaphor. However, when you really think about it, it's easy to see how some women get overly sensitive; there is a gray area between cheating and going to a strip club. If you're just watching, that may be one thing. I can get into most porn as much as the next girl and I don't see too much difference between watching a stripper in person or watching a girl your computer screen or television. If the bouncer, the bartender and most of the girls know you by name, that's another story.
I've visited my fair share of strip joints, and none of them would be my first choice on a list of places to head on any given Friday night. But, it can be an interesting experience. I'm not talking Vegas, either; I mean the local places from Downtown to the Fox Valley. Vegas is another world and having never been -- yet -- I don't think I can make accurate assessments on it.
Getting a lap dance, which I wouldn't comment on had I not experienced a couple in my day, is exciting for obvious reasons. But guys need to turn the tables for just one moment and ask themselves a question: would you be OK if a strange guy did something that to your girlfriend or wife? Most men I know don't like when other guys so much as look at their girlfriends, let alone rub their crotches all over them.
So once again women get the short end of the stick? Sure, there are male strip clubs and once a year during widow's weekend the Chippendales dudes come to town, but I have to be honest, a man in a banana hammock only makes me laugh. For some, reason I instantly think of David Hasselhoff or Fabio and neither make me swoon, let alone enough to pull out my wallet to pay for it.
As a woman, if you are even vaguely attractive, stepping foot in a strip club means you just became the object of attention. The guys instantly hope its amateur night and the strippers know that there is no bigger cash cow than a little girl on girl action. Strippers have asked me to come on stage, take my shirt off and even kiss them for the sake of making the guys in the room feel generous.
I declined all requests and I wouldn't do things differently if those questions were posed again. It's one thing for me to put a dollar in a girls thong for shakin' it in my face, but I'm never going to be the girl that strips down in front of a room full of people for cash. I'm not cut out for that industry. Go figure.
More than anything, I think women have a hard time with strip clubs because as much as we want to separate ourselves from the topless women dancing for dollars, we also feel pity for them -- which is stupid because many of them make pretty good money.
My downfall while in strip clubs is making the mistake of watching the girls' faces as much as their breasts and butts. There is this glaze over them; whether drug induced or not, it's a little sad. Women can't help wondering why each of them chose to do this. We go all "Oprah" and dissect the situation.
Is she paying her own way through college? Is she trying to put food on the table for family? Did something bad happen during childhood? It rarely, if ever, crosses our minds that any woman would want to do this for a living. And it's that look on their faces that feeds that belief, along with our own absolute lack of desire to be in their position.
The fact of the matter is, strippers are paid to do what they do and yes there is a fairly thin line between the legal and non-legal acts happening in strip clubs. I know what I've seen.
Everyone's got a price, but it's got to come down to more than that. If you just don't like the idea of your man looking at other women, you can relax; he does it all the time, anyway.
Granted, these women are naked but they are in it for the money. They don't love your boyfriend as much as he'd like to think they do. If you're worried he's going to pay for more than a dance, you need to figure that out, pronto. No need to tell those of you that have frequented the local joints that you need merely sit on the chairs to feel like you need an STD test. You don't, just be sure to burn your clothes when you get home.
Maybe it's nothing more than a fear of the unknown. If you've never been, go. Go with a group of girls (this is by far the most fun) or go with your boyfriend or husband. It has the potential to be hot if you don't make it a regular thing or he doesn't push the envelope of your tolerance.
Not all women feel the way I do about strip joints. Some are more strict and some really couldn't care less. Obviously, if I hated them I never would've gone inside. It can be a lot of fun if you are with the right people, it doesn't get creepy and you don't overanalyze the situation.
And guys, it's not that women want to ruin all your fun, but on this one you may have to put yourself in our shoes for just a minute. Or better yet, picture a huge, muscular, tan Chippendale dancer with his package in your girl's face as she shovels dollars in his direction.
Author's note: Thanks to everyone that left a comment on last week's column. I know that we may not all agree on this or anything else, but I think it was a relevant topic and people obviously have strong feelings one way or another. Please keep in mind that this is my opinion and nothing more. What's important is that we have the opportunity and the venue to express our opinions. Whether you love or hate what I have to say, I find it invaluable that we use our right to debate as often as possible.
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.
