Each week, local "women about town" Anjl Rodee and Marilynn Mee answer OnMilwaukee.com readers' questions about relationships, romance and whatever else is on your mind. They point out that this column is "for entertainment purposes only," but they mostly say that so they don't get sued. Send your questions to Anjl and Marilynn at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Dear Anjl & Marilynn,
I've been in a fun, steady, committed relationship for two and a half years and now "X" says she doesn't know what is wrong. The "spark" is gone. She says that I do everything right, I say the right things, I'm polite and kind. We are extremely compatible and have fun together and with friends. We have similar values and we never fight. I'm very stable and sometimes considered non-emotional, but this is tearing me apart inside. She wants a separation to figure things out. What is going on?
Dear Thrill is Gone,
Marilynn: Well, Anjl, I don't think this is going to be one of our funny columns. This guy is hurting. I know, because I've gone through the exact same situation.
Anjl: Haven't we all? Unfortunately, Thrill, people just don't always have a good reason for leaving somebody. Nothing bad happens, you just wake up one day and things feel different.
MM: Often, what people forget is that when it comes down to it, it's just as easy to fall out of love with somebody as it is to fall in love with somebody. Both can be equally inexplicable.
AR: And for the most part, unfortunately, these feelings never seem to happen for both people at the same rate. We could sit here and tell you to romance her more, indulge her in endless foreplay (can we say foreplay?) blah blah blah, and you may be able to cajole a little more time out of her. But if you haven't done her serious harm and she's telling you the spark is gone, there is not much you can do to bring it back. Spark is created by two people. It takes two people to recreate it, and it doesn't sound like she's willing to put forth the effort.
MM: Well, seeing as the header for this week's column may as well be Buzzkill, why don't we talk about Darfur, or at least the Hollywood writers' strike? Seriously, let's talk about the good side of this, Thrill, as there are definitely some positives to all this.
AR: I'm trying to think of something funny to say about Darfur and Hollywood writers, but those situations are about as funny as Thrill's ...
MM: The first thing to remember, Thrill, is that the crap people always feed you about "time healing all wounds" isn't crap at all. It's really true.
AR: How long did it take you to get over Micah?
MM: I'll let you know.
AR: We should also address the "why" part of your question: the answer is that it doesn't matter why. "X" could probably give you a different answer every day of the week, and they'd all be true. She feels differently now, and that's that. Whether the reason is that she doesn't find you attractive anymore, she doesn't want to be tied down, or she's into someone else ... none of it matters. If the reason was something actually fixable, she would have told you and you would have fixed it.
MM: Before we start sliding completely back into Buzzkill Land ...
AR: Sliding back? When did we venture out?
MM: Well, I attempted with the whole "writers' strike" line ... Thrill, here in advice column world, this is what we call a "turning point" in your life. Rather than dwell on what could have been, it's time to start thinking about all the great possibilities that lie ahead. You can beat yourself up about this and feel crappy, but it's not gonna change anything. You simply need to look at this like it wasn't meant to be, and there is something else out there better for you on the horizon.
AR: Pan back the cameras as our hero rides off in the sunset ... we don't need no stinkin' Hollywood writers.
MM: Seriously, Thrill. It's time to get out there and meet some new women. There are plenty of women out there, waiting for a stupid girl to break up with a nice guy like you.
Anjl Rodee is a jack of all things right-brained. After a variety of odd jobs, from singing telegrams to ballroom dance instructor to weekend overnight DJ on Lazer 103, Anjl earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Mount Mary College and settled down to a nice career as an award-winning artist. At night Anjl can be found playing with a variety of local bands. She currently fronts a classic band called Radio Doctors, and plays bass and accordion with her friend Chris Demay.
Marilynn Mee has been a fixture on Milwaukee radio for most of her adult life. After a short stint on WQFM, she joined Lazer 103 at its inception. After several years as a Bob and Brian sidekick, Marilynn became midday host and music director, earning national recognition from the likes of Billboard magazine and Radio & Records. She is currently the midday host on 96.5 WKLH. Marilynn is a well-known animal lover, lending her name and free time to humane societies and animal rescue groups.
Anjl is a mother and grandmother and is in a committed relationship. Marilynn is single and mom to 2.5 dogs and a one-eyed cat. Anjl and Marilynn both hail from the greater Milwaukee area and have been best friends for 20 years.