{image1} "Our goal is not to embarrass the world's best golfers, our goal is to identify them."
- Longstanding USGA "motto" regarding the tough US Open set-ups.

Well folks, it looks like we've "identified"... drum roll... Michael Campbell!

He's a once rising international star who has been up and down the world rankings like an elevator. Currently ranked 88th - but stay tuned - it's about to go up, thanks to his win at Pinehurst Sunday.

And then it will go down again. And then one day you'll say: "Gee. What ever happened to Michael Campbell? He played so well at the US Open that one time."

Campbell joins a pantheon of USGA one-hit/two-hit wonders. Put his mug shot right next to Andy North - winner of three PGA Tour events. Two of them, the "Open." (insert nasal, breathy, condescending voice when you say "Oohhhh-pehhhn."

I guess this validates him in the USGA's eyes, as "one of the world's best golfers."

He joins Corey "Short-Knocker" Pavin and Steve "Where Am I Now" Jones, and let's not forget the great Scott "I'm Pals With Bill Murray" Simpson - a man who's game was anally tight off the tee, and emphatically un-inspiring everywhere else.

I won't even bring up the scrubs who just MISSED winning the US Open. Guys like Mike Donald (Irwin-ized at Medinah on Monday) the fantastic Mark Brooks (Goosened at Southern Hills), and milquetoast Loren Roberts (Elsed-out in a three way at Oakmont).

Hell, the following golfing legends all finished one shot out of a US Open playoff: T.C. Chen, Dave Barr, Denis Watson, Chip Beck (twice!) and Mark McCumber.

Maybe now golf fans can wake up and smell the stale USGA coffee, and realize what I've been saying for years.

The US Open is easily, the most boring major on the calendar.

Gasp!

Yeah, I said it. And you know it.

I went out for some cocktails on Saturday night before the fourth round at Pinehurst, and predictably a golf discussion broke out about who is one of the "world's best golfers."

I began by insisting: "Hey, I know you'll say Tiger Woods, but let's not forget Jason Gore. Any discussion just has to include this loveable mouth breather who reminds people of Chris Farley with a +5.0 handicap."

My buddy stopped me right there with, "Wait a minute, he's better than Olin Browne? Please. OB's got mad game, dog, and I really think he's about ready to start piling on his two career Tour wins."

Then the bartender leaned in and said, "Are you hammered, because I haven't heard the name Mark Hensby come up yet? What's wrong with you guys?"

I called a friend during Sunday's easily forgettable finale, which got instantly deleted on my TiVo by a far more exciting episode of HGTV's "While You Were Out." I told him the US Open has become the "NBA of golf."

Brutal, ugly, unwatchable.

Great theater? Please. If I want to see guys shoot 84 and three-putt all day, I'll bring my camcorder along next Saturday for my $2 best-ball match.

Something is not right when the final twosome shoots a collective 25 over par on Sunday. That stat is beyond comprehension. You could certainly see something like that from Gore, but the Iron Goose? The Dockers-wearing zombie? The guy who was struck by lightning as a teen, and had every shred of human emotion fried out of his brain?

No way. Nobody expected Goosen's day. The guy's worst Sunday at the Open was a 73 before Sunday. And yet he collapsed like the Venezuelan economy.

What does it say about the USGA's signature event? It says random players who are hot or lucky can sneak their way into the last twosome, and that world class studs like Goosen can be buried by the pressure of ridiculous conditions.

And to me, neither is very much fun to watch.

OK, I can already see it. The obligatory e-mail that reads: "What's wrong with you, Czaban? I just LOVE to watch these pampered babies get bent over and spanked one week a year. I love seeing them slap it around like the rest of us."

Why?

Using that logic, I suppose it would be fun to see major league baseball players striking out five times a game and booting routine grounders all day. Maybe NASCAR could have one event where drivers had to get out of the car to pump their own gas and change the tires "just like we do."

Personally, I like to watch tournament golf at the highest level to see players do things I could never do. Make five straight birdies. Eagle 605-yard holes. Shoot 64. Drop four-irons into tight spots on greens.

I want pros who will shoot at flagsticks that are so hidden they are cowering behind a bunker as if Ike Turner was looking to give them the beating of a lifetime.

Granted, I don't want a pitch and putt. I don't want 24-under, dart throwing, pushover courses. Hard is fine. But let's get real. There were exactly four-under-par scores Sunday, all were 1-under 69s. There were 8 rounds 80 or worse.

That's a joke.

You can talk about how self-seriously the boys at Augusta take themselves - like how they insist on CBS calling fans "patrons." But at least they know what makes for a watchable Sunday of golf. To them, nine-under for the winner is just fine, and if that gets to up to 12 or 13, it's hardly the end of the world.

Is that too much to ask of the US Open? Is the golfing manhood of the USGA so fragile, that such a score would not permit them to go snickering back to their exclusive Northeast country clubs and twitter to their members about how "hard" they made it on Sunday?

If the USGA could have thrown some water on the greens so that the set-up was like Thursday, you would have about a dozen or so 67s and 68s available. It would mean that aggressive players like Tiger, Vijay and Sergio could throw down the hammer and make a move.

Nobody makes a move on Sunday at the Open. Guys just try to grind out something near par, and hope that the "43-car crash" in turn two happening behind them ends up taking out the best players.

If you want solid, exciting, major Championship golf, the place to be after the Masters is the PGA, not the Open. In the last decade alone, there have been about a half dozen riveting moments and sudden death playoffs. Azinger beating Norman in 1993 when the Shark lipped out on back-to-back Wannamaker winning putts. David Toms over Mickelson with a putt on 18. Tiger's shootout against Bob May at Valhalla. Tiger with four-birdies to finish, even if it wasn't enough to reel in Rich Beem at Hazeltine. Elkington carving up Monty with a bomb on 18 at Riviera. Shaun Micheel's leaner to finish off Chad Campbell two years ago. Last year's three-way playoff at Whistling Straights.

The US Open? Well, Payne Stewart made a putt once. And Corey Pavin hit a nice little 4-wood into 18, I think. Other than that, there's not much to remember. Hell, I was asleep on the couch during most of it.

Or working on Monday when they had the playoff.

The US Open this year at Pinehurst promised to be a tedious and forgetful event with a golf course dialed up past "sadistic" to "comical." And once again, it lived down those expectations on almost every front.