Hon. Scott Walker
Governor
State Capitol
Madison, WI 53703

Dear Governor,

I’m tempted to call you Scott since I’ve known you for over 30 years and when we first met you were still trying to decide between an electric razor or a straight blade. But I won’t because you are now running for president and you deserve our respect.

That campaign is why I am writing today. I’m worried that the whole thing is going to come crumbling down on your head before you even have much of a chance to get things off the ground.

I have always said that you are one of the best campaigners I have ever seen. And you seem to have built quite an organization already, hiring some top-flight Republican strategists and organizers. You have obviously put a lot of thought and work into building a staff. I am writing to remind you of one ineffable rule of politics: "Nobody votes for an organization. People vote for a real live person."

And I’m sorry to say that starting last week in that national debate you resemblance to a real live person has taken a beating. You could only have been less dynamic during that debate if you had sat on the floor and twiddled your thumbs. Remember now, you are "Scott the Fighter," a self-anointed nickname you seem to like.

You need to realize, I think, that you can’t call yourself a "fighter" and then stand around with a finger in  your nose when the battle begins. People are going to think that if  you lie about your nickname you may lie about other stuff. But just so you don’t think I’m happy about all of this, I have a few suggestions.

I am a theater critic and have been involved in the theater for decades. I think I know something about what makes for good theater and I’m happy to share that information with you.

The next debate is just over a month away, so I hope you consider some of this.

First of all, ditch the suit and tie. Everybody wears a suit and tie. Everybody wears the same suit and the same shirt and the same tie. It’s like watching the march of the penguins. Put that Kohl’s bargain shirt on with a pair of khaki pants and a good pair of shoes from Allen Edmonds. Roll your sleeves up. Look like  you are about to go dig up a garden.

Hire an ace makeup person. I mean a real star. Get a little bit of liner under your eyes. I know you may laugh at this. But this is television with bright lights. Just a little liner will make your eyes more expressive and you can use all the extra expressiveness you can get.

While you are at it, have that makeup person figure out the right style of pancake makeup to give you a healthy glow without looking all John Boehner or something.

Speaking of your face, which can often be the greatest weapon for any actor, take a tip from Mike Jacobs, the just-retired anchor at WTMJ-TV. When he was starting out he used to stand in front of a mirror and practice facial expressions. If he was reading a sad story he wanted to practice that somber look. If it was one of those light things he practiced that sly smile thing that works so well on television.

Now, it’s important to know that all these cosmetic changes will help, but they won’t be the whole story. You need to act like someone people might actually vote for. You’ve heard that old saw about a guy you’d want to have a beer with? You seem like a guy we’d like to sit next to at the blood bank.

Lighten up. Learn how to smile. And learn how to raise your voice a little bit. You don’t want to sound like as madman (see the guy who stood next to you) but let’s see a little bit of a burr under your butt.

It’s not too late for you governor. But the situation is not great. The latest CNN poll shows that you are roughly tied for third with Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina. And you trail Ben Carson. Ben Carson!

We may disagree on almost every policy (I take it back, we disagree on every policy) but I am also a proud Wisconsinite. I don’t want you to fail just because you don’t want to engage the other candidates  

We want someone who will fight, not someone who will turn the other cheek all the time.

Best wishes,
Dave Begel