Ever feel like there's a random national day for every single day of the year, hashtagging its way across Twitter and giving publications excuses to list things? (Hello!) Well, that's because, according to the National Day Calendar website, there is – even as many as a solid handful of random celebrations packed into one 24-hour period.
Some of them make sense. National Nachos Day on Nov. 6? Heck yes. National French Toast Day on Nov. 28? Sure! After all, it is the finest of all the toasts. National Adoption Day on Nov. 17? A noble cause if ever there was one. But some of them are just bonkers, either obviously fake creations or merely evidence that the shady Illuminati society behind all these national days might have too much time on its hands.
Here are the 10 weirdest days you can technically celebrate in the month of November.
1. National Chicken Lady Day
When: Nov. 4
I'm no ornithologist here, but shouldn't this be National Hen Day? Wait, that would be a lady chicken. This is "Chicken Lady," the nickname apparently given to Dr. Marthenia "Tina" Dupree who worked for more than a decade as the director of community relations and training for one of the world's largest restaurant chains before eventually moving on to motivational speaking, becoming beloved over the years for her active role in the community. And apparently that earned her a national holiday – given to her by President Bush, at that! – but not a more respectful nickname than "Chicken Lady." Hope she's not a Kids in the Hall fan!
2. National Harvey Wallbanger Day
When: Nov. 8
For 49 states, National Harvey Wallbanger Day is a tribute to an orange juice, Galliano and vodka cocktail. In Wisconsin, however, it's obviously a day in honor of Harvey Kuenn and the 1982 Milwaukee Brewers. So have one of these famous cocktails to cheers Harvey's Wallbangers – and then maybe another five to help forget how the 2018 Brewers season ended. (Too soon?)
3. National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day
When: Nov. 12
Listen, I get it: Anchovies are kinda gross. They're salty and slimy and they even kind of look like little tire treads on your pizza. But this is just rude, ordering a pizza with the works ... and then to specifically say no anchovies? That's like announcing to your class that everyone's invited to your birthday party except for the class nerd. "Party starts at 9 p.m., y'all. But not you, Brent. Stay home, Brent." That's some '80s movie villainy there AND I AM NOT FOR IT. I feel for you, anchovies. I still won't eat you on my pizza, but I feel for you.
4. National Spicy Hermit Cookie Day
When: Nov. 15
Congratulations to the spicy hermit for making a cookie sound terrible. A spicy hermit sounds like something I should definitely not look up on Urban Dictionary. But actually, invented in the 19th century and beloved on the East Coast, it's a cookie packed with raisins, nuts, dates, cloves, cinnamon, allspice and nutmeg. Yep, that certainly sounds like something the 1800s would've loved. It also sounds like a fruitcake cookie, so never mind my name griping; there was probably no way to make this sound good.
5. National Take a Hike Day
When: Nov. 17
No, this isn't a national holiday dedicated to kicking your crappy boyfriend or girlfriend to the curb. National Take a Hike Day is about, quite literally, taking a hike. Exercise? Hard pass.
6. National Carbonated Beverage with Caffeine Day
When: Nov. 19
So ... it's National Soda Day. Is the word "soda" copyrighted? Or are they just trying to avoid getting caught up in the Great Pop Versus Soda Wars? Call it National Soda Day, cowards!
7. Buy Nothing Day
When: Nov. 23
Bad news, people realizing you're low on gas pulling out of the driveway! Obviously Buy Nothing Day is a response to the shopping chaos of Black Friday, urging people to buy and consume less, to which I say HAHAHAHAHA good job, good effort.
Do you want to know why you fail, Buy Nothing Day? Because, according to the National Day Calendar website, you encourage Buy Nothing Day activities such as "Whirl-marts," which involves taking a cart and getting in the way of other people's shopping while not purchasing anything. Pro tip: DO. NOT. DO. THIS. I dislike Black Friday and find it to be utter madness ... but if you do a Whirl-mart, you deserve to be run over by a mob of shoppers trying to get their fifth Chewbacca Snuggie for 10 percent off.
8. You’re Welcomegiving Day
When: Nov. 23
This holiday is such a dad joke. But also it's kind of a smug, conceited idea. While Thanksgiving is about showing your appreciation for those in your life and for what you have, You're Welcomegiving Day is about ... kind of taking credit for stuff? I don't know; no matter the case, You're Welcomegiving Day doesn't even roll off the tongue right. Go home, National Day Illuminati Society, you're drunk on gravy and tryptophan.
9. Blasé Day
When: Nov. 25
The point of holidays and national days is to give us a reason to get excited and care about something. Without these dedicated days, every day would just be another boring day, another trip to work, another drive back home, another dinner, another run through the daily routine. In short, every day is Blasé Day – and the point of random needless national days is to make life more exciting, not less. And do we really think we need a day where people care less?
In conclusion: Screw off, Blasé Day.
10. Stay Home Because You’re Well Day
When: Nov. 30
In related news, the first day of December is Stay Home Because You've Been Fired Day.
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.