Ever feel like there's a random national day for every single day of the year, hashtagging its way across Twitter and giving publications excuses to list things? (Hello!) Well, that's because, according to the National Day Calendar website, there is – even as many as a solid handful of random celebrations packed into one 24-hour period.
Some of them make sense. National Pierogi Day on Oct. 8? Na zdrowie! National Food Day on Oct. 24? Food's great! Big fan of food. World Mental Health Day on Oct. 10? A noble cause if ever there was one. But some of them are just bonkers, either obviously fake creations or merely evidence that the shady Illuminati society behind all these national days might have too much time on its hands.
Here are the ten weirdest days you can technically celebrate in the month of October.
1. National Name Your Car Day
When: Oct. 2
Naming your car is fun. But how is this an annual holiday? I don't know about you, but I've only got one car – and considering the famously lucrative career path I've chosen as Guy Who Makes Jokes And Recaps "The Bachelor" Online, it'll probably be just that one car for a while. So how often am I expected to change my car's name?
Also: My car's name is Carl. No reason – just Carl.
2. National Get Funky Day
When: Oct. 5
Please. Not in public. (Yes, National Get Funky Day is dedicated to people just having fun and being weird and dancing and such. But admit it, that's not what you thought of when you first read it.)
3. National Fluffernutter Day
When: Oct. 8
A fluffernutter is not merely a word that would make First-Grade Matt laugh. (OK, it makes Five Years Out of College Matt laugh too.) A fluffernutter is a sandwich of peanut butter and marshmallow creme between two toasted slices of bread. Important question: WHY I HAVE I JUST HEARD ABOUT THIS NOW?! I have not been raised right! I've lived a deprived childhood! I need this now. First person to deliver me a fluffernutter sandwich gets everything currently in my wallet. (That's right: $4, my AAA card and an old hotel key card COULD BE YOURS!)
4. National Kick Butt Day
When: Oct. 8
I'm here to kick butt and chew bubble gum ... and I used up all my bubble gum on National Chewing Gum Day on Sept. 30.
5. National Pro-Life Cupcake Day
When: Oct. 9
Listen, I'm not here to make light of people's beliefs or turn this silly column into a rambling political screed. (Because lord knows we've got enough places to find rambling political screeds on the internet.) I've simply put it on this list because it's so weirdly specific. National Pro-Life Day? Sure. National Pro-Life CUPCAKE Day? Well that's ... very particular. Anyways, what day does National Abolish ICE Macaroon Day fall on this year?
6. National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work/School Day
When: Oct. 10
National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day falls on the same day as Stop Bullying Day. Because somebody in the Random Holiday Illuminati has a cruel sense of humor.
7. National Grouch Day
When: Oct. 15
Like I needed an excuse to be grumpy. In 2018, every day is National Grouch Day. Oh, and of course it falls on a Monday. See, I'm already in the holiday spirit. I've put up the Grouch Day tree (aka a garbage can) and decked the halls (in trash).
8. Hagfish Day
When: Oct. 17
Hagfish Day was created to point out "the beauty of ugly" in honor of the hagfish, supposedly the ugliest species on Earth. Which seems pretty rude when the blobfish exists. I mean, look at him:
That's a face that KNOWS he's the ugliest thing on an entire planet.
9. Sourest Day
When: Oct. 25
OK, I know I said every day if National Grouch Day just a few graphs ago, but this is ridiculous. There's no reason why October has to carry the dishonor of both these bad-mood bastions. Hold on a second (*puts finger to earpiece that I have in for some reason*) I'm getting reports that Sourest Day was explicitly created as a rebuke to the fake Hallmark holiday that is Sweetest Day (*gags*) the day before. I take it all back: Sourest Day is great. My cold cruel heart just giddily shrunk three more sizes today.
10. Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day
When: Oct. 25
In the pantheon of characters who deserve a national day all to themselves, I'm not sure how high Chucky – a sentient doll who tried and failed to kill the mom from "7th Heaven" – ranks. Freddy Krueger doesn't even have a holiday, and Jason Voorhees only has one by default. Plus, if you have to put "the notorious killer doll" in the name, are you THAT notorious of a killer doll?
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.