It's tempting to say it's because of something in the water, given that so many communities in Waukesha County are running out of the stuff and what's left to drink is chock full of nasty minerals. Politics out there in the GOP's bedrock have never been goofier.
With its nearly 100 percent voter turnout, a booming economy and virtual one-party rule, you'd think that things in Waukesha County would be running on autopilot.
Think again.
First there was the surprise resignation of Dan Finley, the longtime Waukesha County executive, and his instant remake as the president of the troubled Milwaukee Public Museum in the county to the east.
Who knew he'd switch jobs and counties right smack dab in the middle of the county's budget preparation work? And leave behind other unfinished business, including tapping into Lake Michigan water, getting the Zoo interchange expansion put on the fast track, and securing county-wide library consolidation.
Finley had a bigger surprise for area Republicans and their publicists on AM talk radio. Before he took the museum reins, Finley suggested that a regional authority be formed to help keep afloat cultural institutions like his new institution.
He made the suggestion even though his track record on regionalism included killing the inclusion of light rail in a comprehensive transportation plan in 1997, leading the charge against Milwaukee over freeway expansion in 2003, and pronouncing as "dead on arrival" a 2004 plan for entertainment venue cooperation made by an existing regional authority, the Midwest Convention Center District.
Along with public complaints about his new $185,000 annual salary, Finley's exit from Waukesha County politics looked wobbly and ill-planned. Not surprisingly, it set in motion an equally weird scramble back in Waukesha for his old job.
First, there was the soap opera over whether Dan Finley's wife, Jenifer Finley, would run for the job and keep it in the family.
Though nearly every political observer with half a brain knew this would never happen because voters don't like these inside hand-offs (with the exception of spouses who step in after the sudden death of an incumbent), it took a speculation-filled week or so for Jenifer Finley to announce that she was not running.
Instead she endorsed GOP state Rep. Dan Vrakas, setting off more speculation that she might get a plum job in a Vrakas administration.
Vrakas is said to be the frontrunner for the exec's job in conservative Waukesha County because he is more conservative than the other announced candidate, Jim Dwyer, the veteran county board chairman.
Poor Dwyer: his folksy middle-of-the-road-ism has earned him the toxic liberal label on talk radio because he is more moderate than the ideologues who represent Waukesha County in the state Legislature's Republican caucuses, like, say, state Sen. Tom Reynolds or Rep. Scott Jensen.
And just as Vrakas was being anointed by talk radio and their blogging Mini-Me's as the can't-miss winner in the upcoming special election, reports surfaced that Vrakas had a cocaine violation on his permanent record.
Cocaine? Republicans? Isn't that the kind of lawless, weak, irresponsible behavior pinned on liberals by talk radio hosts like Michael Savage, the late-night wingnut on 620 WTMJ-AM who regularly vilifies liberals as "red-diaper-doper babies?"
Cocaine? Vrakas? A Republican? Not good!
Remember when former President Ronald Reagan in 1987 withdrew the U.S. Supreme Court nomination of Douglas Ginsberg after the nominee admitted he had smoked pot in his younger years? His explanation was similar to Vrakas': it was way in the past and he hadn't done anything similar since.
But there was no mercy for Ginsberg. Or forgiveness. He inhaled, so he was out. That's how the GOP deals with drug users and separates itself from permissive, lefty Democrats.
But when Vrakas' legal troubles were reprised by Milwaukee Magazine's Bruce Murphy, the candidate acknowledged that he had indeed paid a $170 forfeiture in 1984 after being ticketed at age 28 for cocaine possession at a Lake Geneva wedding reception and claimed he had walked the straight and narrow ever since. Because talk radio wants the guy elected, they declared the issue inconsequential.
Jenifer Finley was among Vrakas' defenders. So goes the modern GOP in Waukesha County, the party's statewide base.
It's curious that the consensus candidate of the Just-Say-No-party's right wing couldn't find a candidate for county executive who wouldn't have to explain how he came to possess cocaine.
It would be equally interesting to discover how cocaine possession in upscale Lake Geneva brought only the consequence of a municipal citation, while a similar offense in the big city could lead to a formal criminal charge.
And it would be equally instructive to learn whether Vrakas supports decriminalizing possession of cocaine or other controlled substances.
And come to think of it, how come so many law-and-order Republicans keep stumbling over all those pesky laws that are essential to clean government, community safety and good citizenship?
Think about it:
Scott Walker got hit with a $5,000 State Elections Board penalty for campaign disclosure law violations.
Former Tommy Thompson-protégé-turned-financial manager Nick Hurtgen, who also has ties to Walker, is now under a federal extortion, mail and wire fraud indictment in Illinois.
The aforementioned Jensen is the only remaining incumbent among a group of state legislators charged and awaiting trial in the Capitol "caucus scandal."
Higher up on the food chain, Rush Limbaugh is still under investigation for the boatloads of prescription painkillers he managed to score.
Someone in the White House likely blew the cover of a CIA operative for political reasons, and by the time a special prosecutor (coincidentally the same one prosecuting Hurtgen) is finished with his work, that person or persons in the White House, and others whose grand jury stories don't match up, just might be facing prison time.
Both President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have DWIs on their records.
And now Ohio Republican Governor Bob Taft is in hot water over failing to disclose gifts.
What's up with the Republican Party, anyway? Is everyone in the GOP drinking the same Waukesha water?
James Rowen is a Milwaukee writer and a former Milwaukee mayoral aide.
The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect the opinions of OnMilwaukee.com, its advertisers or editorial staff.
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