Cut to the beginning of 2013, a simpler time when "srsly" was a phenomenally lazy misspelling rather than an actual Oxford-approved word and Colin Kaepernick had yet to haunt Packer fans’ nightmares.
Back then, I rang in the new year with a little countdown column about five film resolutions I had for myself and the entire film community. Some have gone well (you know who you are, Lady Who Sat Behind Me In "2 Guns" and Had a Comment For Everything On Screen). Some … less so (still hope no one’s waiting for "Patton" from Netflix). But one of my resolutions has earned a big, solid checkmark: See a good horror movie.
It started early in January with the Jessica Chastain-led "Mama," which was a mixed bag with the majority of its contents good and creepy. But this summer has provided moviegoers with two solid mainstream horror entries, one of which is borderline great (more on that one later …).
Taken at face value, Adam Wingard’s "You’re Next," looks like pretty much every home invasion horror/thriller you’ve seen, just with a new set of murder paraphernalia and creepy masks (the film’s proximity to June’s equally mask-happy surprise hit "The Purge" likely didn’t help the box office). A clan of dull wealthy preps descends upon their remote vacation house when animal mask-clad murderers crash the festivities, picking off family members one by one and leaving the ominous titular threat.
For a while, it seems like Wingard and his screenwriter Simon Barrett (who also plays one of the killers) are playing right by the horror rulebook. A couple early on is murdered immediately after committing the ultimate genre faux pas of having sex. Sinister figures menacingly fade in and out of the shadows unnoticed. People investigate creepy noises or disappearances only to find cheap jump scares.
Around the time the family sits down for dinner, however, the fresh finally begins to overtake the familiar. As it turns out, the siblings are more dysfunctional than their cozy sweaters and polite manners would imply. One particular brother (mumblecore director Joe Swanberg) is a one-man social wrecking ball of pompous delight, nagging the lead couple (Sharni Vinson and AJ Bowen) about their relationship and praising the artistic merit of ads to his sister’s scarf-clad filmmaker boyfriend (real-life horror director Ti West).
The vicious sense of humor is just one of the sneaky surprises "You’re Next" has in store as the siblings’ verbal arrows quickly give way to the killers’ actual arrows. And when one character turns out to be much more ferociously capable at fighting back than the attackers expect, the film unexpectedly flies into a bloody battle of wits (and who can smash whose head in first).
If we’re being honest, "You’re Next" is just another house invasion thriller and, besides a few quiet moments of creeping menace, not a particularly scary one at that. However, Wingard injects the proceedings with a twisted, punkish energy (could we maybe invest in a tripod to keep the camera still next time though?), and there are enough little tweaks, snotty Swanberg lines and creatively plasma-splattered demises (not since the invention of the margarita has a blender been used in such satisfying fashion) mixed into the formula to keep things interesting. There’s even a little bit of political commentary scattered amongst the arterial spray.
It's not quite the horror revelation the buzz – building since its premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival two years ago – would have you believe. A diabolically entertaining thriller, however, is a solid consolation.
"The Conjuring" isn’t exactly plunging the depths of creativity either. Looking for a fresh start, the Perron family (led by Lili Taylor and Ron Livingston) moves into a new house in the country, only to be greeted by falling pictures, slamming doors and unwanted participants in the kids’ game of "Hide and Clap."
Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters! Or the next best thing, the Warrens, a real life married duo of renowned paranormal investigators, played here by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. They find a veritable hoedown of spiritual visitors haunting the premises, including one particularly malignant spirit who wants the Perrons – and anyone else along for the ride – to join them on the other side.
The story of "The Conjuring" is as vintage as its ’70s setting, but as a hit man with a sick sense of humor might say, it’s all in the execution. And it’s been a while since a haunted house tale has been told with such consistent intensity, mood and pure bone-chilling scariness.
If you told me five years ago that James Wan, the director of "Saw" and "Death Sentence," would be the leader of the mainstream horror movie renaissance, I would’ve called you nuts and probably made a terrible pun about the odds being "Wan in a million." After all, the "Saw" franchise he started helped infest theaters with torture porn, loud gory horror flicks that took care of editing, pacing and mood the same way they cared about their characters’ limbs.
Since that time, however, Wan has looked toward the past, resurrecting old techniques and haunts to terrifying new life ("The Conjuring" even starts with a creepy retro title crawl). It started with 2010’s "Insidious" (also starring Wilson), but while that mostly successful film succumbed to silliness in the final act, "The Conjuring" follows through all the way to its last shot, a perfectly struck final note of sustained tension when most directors would’ve allowed a jump-induced exhale.
Wan crafts each scare sequence like a conductor, slowly ratcheting the intensity up to an unbearable crescendo. He keeps building up the dread until, when the audience is anticipating the shock, he briefly pulls back before unleashing the scare. Wan isn’t using any new tactics – a sharply slammed door, a ghost popping up where it shouldn’t, exorcisms – but the way he smartly plays with the expected rhythms and the audience’s pulse makes the jolt feel like the first time.
The story – adapted from "real events" by Chad and Carey Hayes – is a bit unnecessarily cluttered, especially a subplot involving a haunted doll named Annabelle that starts haunting the Warrens’ daughter. Since the sequences involving the doll are just as chill-inducing as the main plot, however, it’s easy to forgive. In fact, it provides one of the film’s creepiest sequences: a Kubrickian shot of a little girl going down some stairs before an overwhelming shroud of darkness envelops them. It’s a single image that captures the omnipresent eerie mood that haunts the whole movie.
Plus, Wan and his writers know that horror flicks are at their most effective when the audience actually cares if the characters make it out alive.
"The Conjuring" has made its way out of most theatres at this point (it’s set to hit DVD on Oct. 22, just in time for Halloween for some unknown reason), but what Wan has done deserves a nod, no matter how late. He didn’t just craft a really good horror movie. He made a really good movie, period.
"You’re Next": **1/2
"The Conjuring": ***
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.