Welcome to OnMeowaukee Cat Week, a meowsome bunch of articles, photos, videos and an Instagram contest celebrating all aspects of Milwaukee cats. Sponsored by Bark N' Scratch Outpost, these seven days are dedicated to those creatures with nine lives who make our lives more paw-sitive.

In this series, we peep into the private life of Elmo, a long-haired orange tabby cat who has a penchant for journaling.

Dear Diary,

Can I just vent here for a moment?

I'm really tired of humans acting all surprised when they find out that us cats have hobbies. Just the other day, one of my masters  took this picture of me (I'd just finished up submitting my latest article for Jewish Feline magazine when she came around)... and you should have heard the hooting and hollering that went on at our house as she described my (apparently) hilarious behavior to our male master.

Seriously, folks. You humans lock us up in your homes and expect that we're sitting around doing nothing? What do you think we do all day while you are off gallivanting out in the world? Sleep?

Well, I'm here to let you know that it's simply not true. We spend our time doing any number of interesting things. I, for one, spend my time studying the Torah (and I have become quite the guru in my own circles). I also enjoy writing in my journal, mastering the human language, and teaching Izzie Cat not to act so neurotic. I'm not certain I'm being terribly successful with the latter, but I'm hoping for a breakthrough very soon.

Speaking of crazy little Izzie, she spends most of her time doing odd things that will eventually earn her a place of honor at I Can Has Cheezburger. But, she keeps a pretty good cover while my masters are around. Yesterday, they caught her balancing precariously on the edge of one of the wicker chairs in the turret, but I don't think they suspected anything.

Yoyo has a modeling contract, the terms of which are often somewhat difficult to manage since she can't work outside the house. But she finagles the deal quite well by posing in the front windows. For such a young one, she really does keep herself quite busy.

Believe it or not, even Zoe spends her free time productively. Her hobbies include knitting blankets for homeless outdoor cats, teaching herself Engrish and (more expectedly) plotting Yoyo's demise.

For those of you who have also been frustrated by the ignorance of humans, I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. I also have a few words of encouragement. Take heart, my feline friends. It's probably just as well that no one suspects that we are productive members of society. It's far easier to get things done when the humans leave us alone.

Signing out for now...

ELMO