With Christmas rapidly approaching, I being ever the procrastinator, have some folks to still do some shopping for. There's my wife, my niece and nephew; oh, and some of our favorite sports personalities I need to shop for too.
Here's my shopping list for them:
Prince Fielder: Anywhere in baseball half as good as you had it here.
Mark Attanasio: My write-in vote for the Miller Park Walk of Fame.
John Axford: One word: Stachewax!
Bo Ryan: A halftime Xanax.
Andrew Bogut: A bionic right arm.
Herb Kohl: That vast, barren wasteland just north of the Bradley Center. Perfect spot for Kohl Arena.
Steven Jackson: A one-year pass to anything in town. Whether he sticks around long enough to use it.
Doug Melvin: A legitimate everyday centerfielder, you hoser. Oh, and some middle relief, aye.
Ryan Braun: Some privacy. Good grief.
Aaron Rodgers: A new dart board. That one with Favre's picture on it wore out this year.
Brett Favre: Some new Crocs. And a muzzle.
Jermichael Finley: Stickum. And a muzzle.
Donald Driver: A one-year "get out of Favre questions" pass from the ESPN boobs that come to Green Bay twice a year and cannot think of an original line of questioning.
Ryan Grant: A contract from a team that will appreciate and use him.
Bryan Bulaga: A harpoon for the next nitwit national announcer that mispronounces his name.
Scott Skiles: A personality.
Ted Thompson: A personality. And more draft picks!
Marquette Athletics: Anything but a subscription to the Chicago Tribune.
Dale Sveum: Anything but a subscription to the Chicago Tribune.
Bret Bielema: The next Russell Wilson. And a new windbreaker.
Keith Tozer: Some fans to fill up the building to watch his five-time MISL Champion Wave play.
Jerry Jones: Another Super Bowl. Because the one in February left a bad taste in everyone's mouth despite that edifice to excess known as Cowboys Stadium.
Zack Greinke: A smile. Life ain't that serious, kid.
Shaun Marcum: Fans with long memories of success; not short memories of failure.
Brandon Jennings: A sandwich.
Roger Goodell: A sense of humor.
Bud Selig: A better PR person.
Mike McCarthy: One media obligation-free week. Mac's personal heaven.
Albert Pujols: An ounce of humility.
Buzz Williams: A one year pass for Milwaukee to buy his "aw shucks" shtick again.
Tim Tebow: Spellchecker for his disciples. Just so they can get the Newest Testament correct.
Tiger Woods: Some of his old mojo. And that blonde over there's phone number.
Mark Tauscher: A career in broadcasting. He's concise, smart, glib, and a total Wisconsin homer. And I mean that in a good way.
Harris Turer: Another rich relative. Because clearly he understands re-investing found money into the community. Milwaukee needs more like him.
The Milwaukee Mustangs: Fans to take them up on their two season tickets for $90 special. Do the math: That's $5 per ticket per game. Best deal in town.
Rickie Weeks: One injury-free season.
Jerry Sandusky: A roommate.
Bernie Fine: Ditto.
Derek Jeter: Some class. I mean, a gift bag of your own swag? Really? You're better than that, Jetes.
Bob Uecker: A partner that will stick around for a few years. Hate to say it, but the time to groom his replacement is upon us.
Brian Anderson: Some Wisconsin roots. The Brewers have an absolute gem in Anderson and it would be a shame to lose him.
Wayne Larrivee: THE DAGGER! (Sorry...couldn't resist)
Evan Fitzgerald, Kevin Holden, Lance Allan, Rod Burks, Jessie Garcia, Tom Pipines, Tim Van Vooren, Jen Lada, Dan Needles, Stephanie Sutton, and Dario Melendez: Two extra minutes in sports. Weather takes up seven minutes and I can get my forecast in 15 seconds. Unreal.
Kobe Bryant: Doesn't matter what I would get him. Vanessa will get it in the divorce.
Manny Ramirez: The baby he has been longing to conceive. That is what those female fertility drugs were for, right Manny?
You: Some more trophies. This year was fun, wasn't it?
Doug Russell: Since you are reading this, you. That's all I need or want. You guys rock.
Doug Russell has been covering Milwaukee and Wisconsin sports for over 20 years on radio, television, magazines, and now at OnMilwaukee.com.
Over the course of his career, the Edward R. Murrow Award winner and Emmy nominee has covered the Packers in Super Bowls XXXI, XXXII and XLV, traveled to Pasadena with the Badgers for Rose Bowls, been to the Final Four with Marquette, and saw first-hand the entire Brewers playoff runs in 2008 and 2011. Doug has also covered The Masters, several PGA Championships, MLB All-Star Games, and Kentucky Derbys; the Davis Cup, the U.S. Open, and the Sugar Bowl, along with NCAA football and basketball conference championships, and for that matter just about anything else that involves a field (or court, or rink) of play.
Doug was a sports reporter and host at WTMJ-AM radio from 1996-2000, before taking his radio skills to national syndication at Sporting News Radio from 2000-2007. From 2007-2011, he hosted his own morning radio sports show back here in Milwaukee, before returning to the national scene at Yahoo! Sports Radio last July. Doug's written work has also been featured in The Sporting News, Milwaukee Magazine, Inside Wisconsin Sports, and Brewers GameDay.
Doug and his wife, Erika, split their time between their residences in Pewaukee and Houston, TX.