It's time for Dining Month, presented by Deer District and its spooky Halloween-themed alter ego, Fear District. Throughout the month of October, we'll be serving up fun and fascinating content about all things food. The signature dish, however, is our 2019 Best of Dining poll, with winners getting dished out all month long. Get hungry, Milwaukee!
Somehow the Brewers' loss in the NL Wild Card game wasn't the most disgraceful thing to happen to Wisconsin yesterday.
One of those made-to-be-viral maps of the United States' favorite things made the rounds on Twitter courtesy of the Lights, Camera, Pod podcast, this time chronicling each state's favorite movie candy. And there are, uh, some real choices on here.
As we head into October, here’s a great breakdown of every state’s favorite movie candy!
What does your state like? pic.twitter.com/NNeDmxnYfw — Lights, Camera, Pod (@LightsCameraPod) September 30, 2019
So ... I have questions.
- Wisconsin's favorite movie candy is KRAFT SINGLES?! As someone who goes to see far too many movies for a healthy person, I've never seen a person whip out a sheet of Kraft processed cheese to snack on during a film. And as someone who worked at a theater for most of a decade, picking up the colorful variety of trash left behind by moviegoers, I never once picked up one of those thin plastic Kraft single wrappers. So unless there's some quiet and cleanly cult of Kraft cheese munchers during movies that I don't know about, I call shenanigans. But that doesn't even get at the biggest question from this ...
- What self-respecting Wisconsinite is snacking on Kraft Singles when that's why God invented the cheese curd? Sure, they're not exactly optimal movie-snacking food thanks to all the squeaking, but who's gonna pass up a delicious cheese curd for a slab of neon yellow mystery wrapped in plastic? Plus, even with the squeaking, curds would still be quieter than most 70-year-olds at the cineplex.
- Do they serve baked beans at movie theaters in North Dakota? And if so: Why? I don't need people doing their best "Blazing Saddles" imitation while I'm silently trapped in a dark room with them. That could easily be the leading cause of death in North Dakota: film fumigation.
- What state in its right mind would choose NECCO wafers as their movie candy of choice? Oh ... it's Utah? OK, actually, that tracks.
- Is the average age of a moviegoer in North Carolina 89 years old? That's the only explanation I have for Werther's Original scoring high there. Apparently every screening in North Carolina comes loudly scored by dozens of golden wrappers getting crinkled and crumpled.
- Why do people in Idaho, Texas and South Carolina hate their taste buds? Black licorice is chewy coal, and we as a species should stop eating it.
- A question for Florida and Colorado: Why would you eat suckers at a movie? With all that unwrapping and slurping, it's terrible cinema snacking. But more pressing: Why would you roll with a Dum Dums sucker when the obviously superior Tootsie Roll pop exists?
- Who did New Jersey wrong so badly to get banana Laffy Taffy as its pick? The only thing banana-flavored Laffy Taffy is good for is tacking things to a wall like it was made by Command Strips or sealing a leak in a tire.
- KRAFT SINGLES!??!?
Now, considering this data all comes vaguely from "social media, Wal-Mart and Target" and considering that it comes from a Barstool Sports affiliate – oh, and considering the chart itself playfully says "unofficial" – it's a fair assumption that this is just one big troll.
That being said, if you're a Wisconsinite and Kraft singles are indeed your favorite movie snack, please let us know in the comments. And then also let us know what kind of gas mileage you get riding a minotaur to your job at the cloud factory, because you are clearly a work of fantastical make-believe.
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.