The poster and trailer declare proudly that "He Will Rock You." The movie itself opens with the rock anthem "We Will Rock You." But don't be fooled. Not only does "A Knight's Tale" not rock, even a little bit, it's one of the dumbest movies of the year.

Rising star Heath Ledger ("The Patriot") might find himself fading fast following this embarrassing effort. The young Australian stars as William Thatcher, an English peasant who has always dreamed about becoming a knight. Unfortunately for him peasants are not allowed that privilege.

That's not going to stop the persistent lad. With some stolen armor he's off to a jousting competition. Joining him are his longtime friends Roland ("The Full Monty's" Mark Addy) and Wat (Alan Tudyk). They plan to lie their way into the tournament.

Soon the boys come across a man walking naked down the same road they are travelling on. He is a writer by the name of Chaucer (played by Paul Bettany).

In addition to writing, Chaucer is also skilled at creating fake documents. Since you must be of noble birth to compete in the jousting tournaments, William desperately needs his help. He agrees to clothe him and let him tag along in exchange for the necessary papers.

Before long William is winning every jousting tournament in Europe. Even though he had no professional training, somehow he is great at it. We're also supposed to assume that at some point he became an expert on a horse. Get used to it. "A Knight's Tale" is one long suspension of belief.

It's required that there be a love story in movies like this, so we get one. William courts the young and beautiful Jocelyn (Shannyn Sossamon). The romantic subplot is predictable and needlessly drawn out. They may be young and beautiful but they have no chemistry.

Also required is a villain. This time the thankless role goes to the talented actor Rufus Sewell ("Dark City"). He spouts insults and does other mean PG-13 rated things (the movie is rated PG-13). Will William get the girl and defeat him in the end? Do Milwaukeeans love beer?

The jousting scenes are as lame as the love story. There are about 30 of them and they all look the same. It becomes redundant after about five minutes. When the hero needs to win it's painfully obvious that the guy on the other horse isn't even trying.

Writer/producer/director Brian Helgeland ("Payback") bit off way more than he can chew. His script is pathetically awful. This is some of the corniest dialogue you'll ever hear as long as you live. And he lets it go on for two hours and 15 minutes, at least 45 minutes longer than this horrendous mess should last.

Apparently thinking it clever, Helgeland decided to use 70's rock songs in a movie set hundreds of years ago. In addition to Queen we hear from War, BTO, Thin Lizzy, David Bowie, Heart and more. It's meant to be fun but it feels like an excuse to sell soundtracks.

"A Knight's Tale" doesn't have anything to recommend it. It's horrible on every possible level. It's okay for a summer movie to be brainless fun, but this is brainless junk. Read a book or go on a bike ride instead.

Grade: D-

"A Knight's Tale" opens everywhere on May 11.