By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Aug 28, 2018 at 6:56 PM

It's 2018: Everything is bad, all the time – and apparently not even the beloved Oreo can go unscathed. 

Mondelez International, the company behind the popular snack food, recently tweeted out two new Oreo flavor combinations – and they are the closest thing to a culinary act of war since the invention of the KFC Double Down. Meet the Hot Chicken Wing Oreo and the Wasabi Oreo:

Details are limited on the new cookie combos (not that we want more details about these abominations) but from the above cursed image, it looks like the colored creams – bright orange for hot chicken wing, neon demon puke green for wasabi – will do most of the flavor heavy lifting while the cookie appears to still be chocolate for reasons unknowable to the human palate. The pain you just felt was your stomach attempting to strangle itself with its own guts. 

Now, Oreo's been playing fast and loose with its flavors in recent years (only makes sense that they'd be bored of the classic chocolate and sugar lard combination after more than 100 years in business). Desserts like strawberry shortcake and birthday cake and tiramisu certainly made sense as cookie flavors, and we were fine when the company decided to melt down Swedish Fish and candy corn for the cookie's interior too. We didn't even bat an eye when Oreo came up with "firework" cookies, which isn't even a flavor. (Don't worry, it's just filled with popping candy not gun powder.)

But savory flavors like hot chicken wing and wasabi? Complete with the chocolate cookie? That's a bridge too far – and a waste of two tasty chocolate cookies. If Oreo is supposedly milk's favorite cookie, a perfect pairing, then milk should consider getting a divorce because this is like some sort of snack food mid-life crisis. Oreo is this close to drunkenly getting a dragon back tattoo and signing up to play Sad Batman. Won't somebody think of the Mini Oreos?!

The good news is that, as for right now, these two flavors are only available in China. The bad news is, now that they've gone viral, they're definitely coming to America at some point. Sorry. Our bad. 

Let's end on a positive note: At least this is still less embarrassing than the IHOB debacle. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.