I love the honeymoon period of a relationship. Who doesn't?
You're all over each other, everything is new and you're both still too head over heels to notice the annoying habits of the other person. Ah, love.
The honeymoon gradually fades for everyone because it's impossible to spend a significant amount of time with anyone and not begin to mellow a bit. (That's not to say you can't still be hot and heavy for each other.)
For some, the mellowing process takes an uglier turn. When reality strikes and it's clear to you, all of your friends and family, your coworkers, your mailman, your neighbors and the guy that makes your lattes every morning that you and your boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn't be together, the birds and bees and rainbows and sunshine become a distant memory.
It sucks to be in this position when you still care about this person, maybe even enough to want to be friends, but for the future happiness of both of you, you have to know when its time to walk away.
- When fighting becomes the only thing the two of you are good at together.
- When your friends make up nicknames for you, like "Sammy and Ronnie."
- When you can't wait for the other person to leave the room so you can rifle through their phone. (Or rifle through your own hoping to find someone else to talk to.)
When you reach the point of not remembering or not wanting to do nice things for the other person just because.
- When you'd rather (not when you need to) do laundry or clean your bathroom than spend time together.
- When your friends can no longer help but to tell you flat out that you're not good together.
- When you cannot be within ten yards of an alcohol beverage without getting into a drunken screaming match with each other.
It's definitely hard to end a relationship you once believed in so strongly. But read the above list again and ask yourself if that sounds like a fun, healthy way to go through life. No, didn't think so. It's time to count your losses and walk away. We're all different from one another but sometimes no matter how attracted we are or how much we care about someone, being together just makes less sense than being apart.
Its so cliché, but I really think the quote; ‘to let go takes love' is correct. It's so true, yet it goes against some of our greater instincts. We don't see letting someone we love go out of our lives in a small way or big way as an act of love, but in the circumstances of being in an unhealthy relationship it does make sense. It's hard as hell, but in the end, after you've given yourself the necessary time to see clearly, the negatives come into focus and you know you did the right thing.
And, after a break up like this, some time alone to sort out what went wrong cannot be seen as a bad thing. Being alone to get your mind right doesn't have to mean being lonely. There is a tipping point after a meaningful relationship when you will feel like crap, when you won't want to get out of bed, when you feel like everyone but you is happy. But then, you'll slowly come to terms with what happened and, believe it or not, if you give yourself the chance you'll actually learn from the mountain of bullshit you just climbed up.
I wouldn't hand out this advice if I didn't have the personal experience to back it up. You will be ok. But at least try to gain some knowledge from your situation so you don't have to keep making the same mistakes, falling into the same behaviors and seeking out the same incompatible personalities.
Fighting for love is one thing, but clawing tooth and nail to stay with someone because either the idea of being alone is too terrifying or because you can't bear to "start over" only sets you up for disaster.
No, the OnMilwaukee.com sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.
Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.
So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.