By Sarah Foster Special to Published Jul 10, 2010 at 1:04 PM

Now that you've busted out your bikini, its time to talk about insecurities.

Guys have them, gals have them and typically, each sex thinks the other is completely spastic about pretty much all of it. Women tend to focus on the looks department. How many times have you heard, ‘Do these jeans make me look fat?' ‘Do you think she's prettier than me?' Ugh. It's exhausting just thinking about how annoying that must be.

I've never asked if something makes me look fat because I'd know if I was being lied to. If the answer comes with a pause and is delivered in an unusually high octave, I know that it's time to put down the cheese curds and change my outfit.

The dictionary defines "insecure" as someone "subject to fears, doubts, uncertainty and anxiety." It's so true. But why? Where does all that uneasiness come from and most importantly, why do we let it manifest?

Blame the entertainment industry and blame other insecure people. It's so much easier putting other people down than dealing with your own bullshit issues and when we find someone else's insecurity, for some it's like a moth to a flame. They simply can't resist trashing someone else. We all know people that do this and it's incredibly unfortunate and even embarrassing to watch someone belittle someone else, perhaps even someone they don't know, just to take attention off of whatever they can't bear to face about themselves.

As for Hollywood and the like; can anyone watch E! News or page through a magazine without believing we're completely contemptible? It's ridiculous and it's where many of our insecurities are born and thrive. This is going to sound insane but I still have the first high-fashion magazine I ever owned. I was a sixth grade tomboy and the pictures of the models were fascinating, completely confusing and a wake-up call that I needed to invest in some Strawberry Smuckers Lipgloss, now! From that moment on I can honestly say I've had unrealistic images of what I'm supposed to look like.

Women blatantly bring up their insecurities because we're looking for other people to nullify them for us, telling people to assure us that we aren't, in fact, fat or we are, in reality, pretty. We need this reassurance.

On the other hand we've all met those girls that say things like, ‘I don't really have a lot of girlfriends. Most girls don't like me because I'm so pretty.' Really? Are you sure? Because it might not be your looks that send people running, it might be because you say things like ‘I'm so pretty' in public forum.

I don't know many guys that act this way and I think it's because a higher percentage of men are more comfortable in their skin than most women. Good for them; there are plenty of days I wish I could throw on whatever and not over-analyze my outfit, my hair, my face, etc. Then again, maybe men are simply better at not letting on just how insecure they truly are.

These petty insecurities are not attractive. They're almost as annoying as over the top cockiness. It's exasperating to have to constantly build someone up or swear over and over that they look better than so-and-so. Confidence is sexy, alluring and appealing. Self-obsessiveness is not.

People who are attractive and worth having a conversation, friendship, relationship with, don't need to walk around telling everyone how hot they are, nor do they need to ask every Tom, Dick and Harry if they look alright.

The insecurities caused by the cruelty of other people or the pressures of society are what give us these screwed up images of ourselves. I'd rather be around nice, smart, funny, trustworthy people any day of the week than a bunch of stuck-up mannequins or people that need me to figuratively hold their hand when out in public.

Who cares what other people think? I may judge the people at Summerfest or the State Fair for wearing items of clothing better suited for a Vegas hooker but, deep down, I'm also a little envious of them. That's not to say I'm about to go out and invest in a pair of assless chaps and a Bon Jovi bikini top, but to wear that look in public takes either a high level of self-confidence or delusion.

Either way, if a good friend hints that you might be pushing the envelope with your outfit, you've been indulging in a bit too much deep-fried goodness lately or your boyfriend/girlfriend is starting to question your love affair with Snooky Brand tanning lotion, maybe it's time for a reality check.

But if some meek, self loathing waste of space puts you down simply because their push-up bra is too tight, don't let their insecurities become your insecurities.

Sarah Foster Special to

No, the sex columnist's real name is not Sarah Foster. (Foster is the model/actress that played an ex-lover of Vincent Chase in the first season of "Entourage.") In reality, our sex columnist is a Wisconsin native with a degree in journalism and a knack for getting people to talk to her.

Sarah never considered herself an "above average" listener. Others, however, seem to think differently. Perhaps she has a sympathetic tone or expression that compels people to share their lives and secrets with her despite how little they know her. Everyone from the girl that does her hair to people in line at the grocery store routinely spill the details of their lives and relationships to Sarah, unprompted but typically not unwanted. It’s strange to her that people would do this, but she doesn’t mind. Sarah likes that she can give advice even if it is to complete strangers.

So why the pseudonym? Simple. People tell Sarah these things because for some reason they trust her. They believe she cares and therefore will keep their secrets in a locked vault the same way a best friend or therapist would. Sarah won't name names, but that vault is now unlocked.