Yesterday may have been Labor Day, but people's hatred of the Green Bay Packers apparently never takes a day off as Defector published its annual Why Your Team Sucks column dedicated to the Packers.
For those who need a reminder, every year before the football season, columnist Drew Magary goes through every single NFL team and fan base, and gleefully lambasts them into oblivion. Monday was Green Bay's turn in the barrel – and considering Magary is a Vikings fan, he always has his knives out for the team that's menaced him for decades. (Though if you think his vitriol is nasty toward the Pack, you should read his typically scorched earth take on his own unfortunate squad of choice.)
Anyways, luckily the Packers didn't do ANYTHING embarrassing or worthy of mockery over the past year. Nope, definitely didn't crap the bed in the NFC championship (again) or have a public spat with our newly crowned MVP quarterback, who spent the summer sulking, dancing with "Divergent" star Shailene Woodley and reported one-man COVID hot zone Miles Teller, playing golf with the sport's most hated man Bryson DeChambeau and getting trolled on "Jeopardy!" (and then not even getting the job).
Oh wait ...
Indeed, Magary had no lack of ammo to work with for his latest column, starting with reminding us over and over again that we decided to kick a field goal in the NFC championship game, down eight, with the league's MVP at the helm, against famously one of the more clutch quarterbacks in the sport's history. Cool – and that emotional wound had just healed too! From there, he roasts Kevin King like he's an opposing wide receiver before digging into the fandom's entitlement, all none of the regular season games Devin Funchess played with the Packers and how the team got turned down by the Badgers defensive coordinator. Even Giannis gets caught in the fire – though even Magary can't be mad at Giannis. ("Giannis could have lit out of this hell state to win a title elsewhere but didn’t," he writes. "That was both incredibly generous and incredibly stupid of him."
But Magary saves most of his righteous anger for Aaron Rodgers, making this perhaps the most fans have nodding their head in agreement while reading one of his Why the Packers Suck takes. Here's just a taste:
"The Packers have given up 184 points in their last six postseason games, and yet Aaron Rodgers never says, 'We need more cornerbacks.' No no no … Jake Kumerow. THAT’S the final puzzle piece this team was missing. When Rodgers doesn’t get his precious Kumerow, he sits around all offseason and does his best impression of an alcoholic stepfather. Nothing is ever Aaron Rodgers’s fault. It’s all his GM’s fault for firing McCarthy, and for vastly improving the front seven, and for keeping the offensive line intact, and for making Rodgers the highest-paid player in the league after only seven months on the job. WHAT AN INCOMPETENT PRICK."
To read the entire smackdown of a column – and you very much should – head over to Defector, where you should also read the rest of Magary's cruelly entertaining Why Your Team Sucks columns for the rest of the league too. Turns out there's a lot of misery and anger to go around – but I guess that's what happens when you have to watch a lot of Kirk Cousins football.
And here's to the Packers returning the favor to Magary's Vikings – and the rest of the NFL – on the field this season (before we inevitably lose the NFC championship game ... again).
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.