St. Louis Cardinals and their fans are the worst. This isn't an opinion; this is cold hard fact – an impressive one considering the Yankees, Red Sox and Cubs all exist as well. But no, it's the Cardinals that claim the dishonor of baseball's most noxious organization. 

Is it because of their self-imposed claim as the Best Fans in Baseball and their moralizing preaching about the hallowed "Cardinal way"? Is it because they, despite all of those claims, are not above stealing their way onto another team's computers and possibly calling former Cardinal Jason Heyward the N-word in his return to St. Louis?

Is it because their success is fawned upon by creaky old baseball writers with some greater glorious meaning about America? Is it because Tony LaRussa – just, Tony LaRussa, full stop? Is it because of a personal irrational hatred that whenever the Brewers have had success – whether it be 1982 or 2011 – the Cardinals have been the ones to pummel us back into our place?

Yes. Yes to all of the above.

And worst of all, they win, so unlike the Cubs, they have actual on-field success to back their smug self-righteousness and force your deeply begrudging respect. You monsters. You are the Duke basketball of baseball. Watching you lose is the greatest pleasure I will achieve in life (sorry, future birth of my children).

So obviously, nothing has been more satisfyingly schadenfraude-tastic this short season than watching the fellow haters at Deadspin troll the bejesus out of the Cardinals.

When the Cardinals lost on Opening Day, Deadspin wrote up a brief mocking piece about their strikeout-filled defeat. The key point: 

The Major League Baseball campaign is underway and it started off gloriously. Not only did the St. Louis Cardinals lose to the Pittsburgh Pirates 4-1, but they struck out 14 times, like a bunch of jamokes.

And then they wrote one about the Cardinals' second loss. And third. And fourth (courtesy of the Brewers!). And so on and so on and you get the point – each one simply reporting the facts, albeit facts dripping with devious satisfaction in the Best Fans in Baseball's misery. "There's always the next game!" cheerfully chimes in each piece at the end, but it might as well be Nelson Muntz' laugh. 

The Cardinals lost their sixth game: https://t.co/LA5LTtf7Lc pic.twitter.com/eOWRdgw2UW — Deadspin (@Deadspin) April 19, 2016

Dearest Deadspin, you noble Robin Hoods of sports journalism, I think I speak for all of us non-Cardinal fans when I say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. These pieces are wonderful, and I deeply look forward to hopefully reading more of these Cardinal loss reports throughout the season – if only to distract myself from the Brewers losses. Because that's the best part of sports: the satisfaction of seeing a rival team in pain. And victory and camaraderie and athletic accomplishment and such. Those are OK, too, I guess.