By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Feb 13, 2024 at 7:01 AM

What's better than a Super Bowl? MORE SUPER BOWL!

Indeed, Sunday's big game lived up to its extravagant super-sized Vegas setting: tons of celebrities on stage and in the seats, tons of very expensive flashy commercials, tons of Tony Romo yelling "JIM!", a big halftime show with tons of guest stars and even more ab muscles ... and I suppose there was also a game in the middle of it all, delivering so much football (and by football, I mean punts) it required even more football. And then almost EVEN MORE football after the already-scheduled extra football. 

In the end of all that, the Kansas Swifty Chiefs claimed their third Lombardi Trophy and officially earned the title of the new team everyone will hate next season. But who REALLY won? And who REALLY lost? And who REALLY wishes we had yesterday off? Let's talk about the real winners and losers of Taylor Bowl LVIII.

Winner: The Kansas City Chiefs

Go figure! But yes, just when we thought we were finally freed from dynasties dominating the league, the NFL got a new one.

All the pressure was on the Chiefs on Sunday. They were the team that won twice before and were going into this year's Super Bowl as the favorites (even if Vegas disagreed). They were the team with words like "dynasty" and "GOAT" flying around them. They were the team with Patrick Mahomes at quarterback as opposed to Brock Purdy, that didn't have to come back from a 17-point deficit to make it to this point. And they sure played like it on Sunday, losing their cool on the sidelines, barely managing to get drives off the ground for most of the game, sacrificing silly penalties and in general not looking like a team that'd been here and done that before. 

Yet here they are, champions once again, officially crowned as the rare NFL dynasty with three Super Bowl wins in five years and the first back-to-back champs since two decades ago – all while Mahomes climbs closer to Brady territory just a year after he retired standing comfortably alone as the GOAT. And this was Kansas City looking BAD. This was Kansas City with an unreliable cast of pass catchers, alleged "off-field distractions" and a new offensive coordinator sans the high-flying offensive identity of the past, playing sloppy in the Super Bowl to the point that multiple players were grumping on the sideline. To use the requisite pop culture comparison, this season was the Chiefs in their "Lover" era: some bops but definitely lesser-level work.

None of it mattered. When it came time to win football games, Mahomes and company did what they needed to do – and with that, the Chiefs are officially the new Patriots, just more likeable (as long as Jackson Mahomes keeps his distance). And it's not just because of the number of Super Bowl wins or because Mahomes is already the second coming of Brady, complete with the tendency for dramatic cold-blooded comeback wins. It's because Kansas City feels just as inevitable, with every opponent's lead feeling as fragile and short-lived as crypto stock. (Remember when that was every other ad at the Super Bowl three years ago? Fun times.) Even when the Chiefs look like their lesser form, like Michael Myers, they're not dead until they're dead – and even then, you're probably about to be proven nightmarishly incorrect. 

If Kansas City had come up short Sunday, there would've been questions about what to make of a team that lost as many Super Bowls as they'd won. But since they won – even if barely, even if not all that impressively – there are no questions at all. They are now a monolith. Actually, there's one question: Does anyone REALLY want to take the Niners as the favorite to win in 2025? Smells to me like another "Halloween" sequel ... 

Loser: Kyle Shanahan

Before the Mahomes era, Andy Reid was considered a choker, a great coach who couldn't come up clutch in the big game and mishandled the big moments. Now he's got three Super Bowls, an undeniable Hall of Fame resume, several scene-stealing parts in State Farm ads and people delivering him In-N-Out burgers amid the confetti.

If he's finally getting to live the dream, though, Shanahan is now living the nightmare. Now he's the choker, the guy who just can't get the job done. It's like Reid passed along the curse to him like "The Ring" tape.

First, as offensive coordinator in Atlanta, Shanahan helped blow the 28-3 lead to New England, which frankly he should still be in prison for. Then he blew the big lead against Reid and Mahomes in their first Super Bowl showdown in 2020, collapsing in the second half. And now here's another Super Bowl letdown, claiming a ten-point lead only to watch it evaporate and fail to hold Mahomes and company when it mattered most. To make matters even worse, what seemed like a generally well-coached loss – at least one without any "Seahawks passing on the one-yard-line"-esque gaffes – got quickly outed as players noted that they had no idea about the new overtime rules and what strategy would work best for them. It seems small – but when you lose the Super Bowl, the smallest shortcomings transform into Vegas-level faux pas, arrows and flashing lights and smiling cowboy signs pointing at your failings. 

If Shanahan had won Sunday – in one of the tightest Super Bowls ever, so much so it required extra Super Bowl – he's be a hero and his coaching tree would only grow more branches. But he lost, so he's a hack (despite having a level of success 29 other franchises could only dream of) and his coaching tree has emerald ash borers. He'll probably have his Andy Reid-like redemption eventually – the Niners are just too talent-rich – but for now, it'll be a cruel summer. 

Winner: Quarterbacks

Yesterday's game wasn't just the Chiefs against the Niners; it was two roster philosophies going head-to-head, potentially deciding the future of team-building. (Sorry, that's a bit melodramatic, but "The Tortured Poets Department" of it all is contagious.) 

On one hand, you had the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes, the embodiment of the argument that a quarterback is the most important part of a team, a game-changer who can win you a game when you need a play the most. On the other sideline, you had the Niners and Brock Purdy, the incidental face of "game manager" quarterbacking, for better and for worse, on a team that seems to have willfully traded out all-star QB play – and all-consuming QB contracts – to spend those resources everywhere else on the roster. (This is the same team, after all, that previously made it to the Super Bowl trusting their quarterback with all of eight passes.)

In the end, the Niners' experiment came up short again – and quarterbacks proved their worth once more, that the likes of Trent Dilfer are still the exception and not the rule.

Of course, nothing is that simple – the Chiefs defense, for instance, deserves credit for knocking Purdy off his game and holding the fort when Mahomes couldn't get anything going in the first 75 percent of the game. But when it came down to a final possession for each team, Purdy – surrounded by a significantly deeper roster – could only muster a field goal while Mahomes carried his offense to a touchdown. I admit it's tiring seeing the MVP awards and all the fame go to the quarterbacks in this ostensible team sport, but this year's Super Bowl put up a strong argument for why it happens and why it matters having a guy who'll win you a game versus a guy who'll just keep you in one. 

Loser: Travis Kelce

OK, so maybe "loser" isn't the right word for a person newly crowned with his third Super Bowl win while dating the most famous person on the globe. But for a guy who's pretty much done and said everything right in the spotlight this season (even when the dreaded Old Tweets came up, all people found was more to like, just a nap enthusiast and "squirle" fan who could maybe use Grammarly) his Super Bowl wasn't particularly super.

His on-field play was fine, leading the Chiefs with nine catches for almost 100 yards; it's the off-field antics that weren't exactly making one's wildest dreams come true. First, he became the meme of the Super Bowl by yelling at and pushing his own head coach Andy Reid during KC's opening half offensive struggles ... which was quite the look. Maybe Reid used Kelce's chicken nuggies to explain State Farm's bundling insurance coverage before the game and he'd finally lost it. Maybe it was pent-up rage from being in the vicinity of Jackson Mahomes – fair enough. Either way, it's not what you expect from America's football sweetheart as well as a multi-big game veteran. Oh well, at least he's not dating someone with a fanbase that overanalyzes everything you do to judge your worthiness as a partner. 

The real cringe came later, though, as Kelce took the stage to get a hold of the Lombardi Trophy and did his increasingly tired rendition of a lower-tier WWE wrestling heel. And for at least one moment on Sunday, everyone watching was on Taylor Swift's side:

That's not quite a "I wonder what Joe Alwyn's up to" face ... but it's definitely a "looking forward to him getting this out of his system" face! I'd call it Kelce's most embarrassing television appearance, but his short-lived reality dating show "Catching Kelce" exists.

Winner: Comebacks

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Chiefs had a big comeback, down three times on Sunday night, including by ten in the first half. And yeah, it's the third time Patrick Mahomes and Kansas City have come back from a halftime-deficit to earn a victory parade back home. But the REAL comeback of the night, the TRUE Brady-esque 28-3 recovery, was the game itself – because for most of the time, the on-field Super Bowl suuuuuuuuuucked. 

Yes, for just about three hours, unless you're a hardcore Big Ten football fan, the Super Bowl was a rough watch. Do you like punts – because boy, did we have punts for you! Midway through the second quarter (so approximately seven hours into the game) the game featured more punts than points and more turnovers than touchdowns. The apex of the pro football season, the clash of the league's two greatest titans, was basically one first-quarter wave to a nearby children's hospital away from being an Iowa-Rutgers game. But surely that was Super Bowl jitters in the first half, right? NO! After the half, it took five possessions and half of the third quarter for either Kansas City or San Francisco to earn a first down, much less points. For a Super Bowl drawing a historic audience, including many new eyes thanks to Taylor Swift, the football itself was a TERRIBLE advertisement for football. No one gets to mock soccer ever again.

But then, in a miraculous comeback ... Super Bowl LVIII became one of the greatest games in our lifetime? Suddenly the two sides were trading extended drives, scoring points and trading the lead back-and-forth while mostly avoiding penalties and big mistakes. And even when it looked like we might get a replay of last year's disappointing conclusion, with a team getting to milk the clock for a game-winning kick, the Niners failed to convert a third down in Chiefs territory and took a field goal with less than two minutes left rather than a fourth-down attempt, pretty much guaranteeing a tense final conclusion with the current face of the league at the helm. 

Pretty good finale, right? WE CAN DO BETTER! That's right: We got bonus Super Bowl! Funny how much more enjoyable overtime is when the Patriots aren't involved and the rules get out of the way. Well ... mostly. We'll get to that – but otherwise, Super Bowl LVIII managed to go from a total groaner to a GOAT. Football: Even despite itself, it rules. 

Loser: Jauan Jennings

Unless you're a Niners super-fan or a degenerate fantasy football player, you probably didn't know the name Jauan Jennings before Sunday night – and even then, he's a third-year player who was a distant fifth amongst San Francisco pass-catchers this season with one whole touchdown to his 2023-24 resume. Yet there he was in the Super Bowl, doubling his TD total on the season in the biggest game of the year – once as a receiver and once through the air, only the second player in NFL history to do so in the championship.

If the Niners had gotten the stops they needed late in the game and pulled off the win, there was a very good chance Jennings, the only guy heavily involved in both of San Francisco's scores, would've become the world's most unlikely Super Bowl MVP – and would've made some very ill-advised sports bettors very wealthy, considering his MVP odds were listed at +40,000 in some places. OK, realistically they would've given the MVP to Brock Purdy or Christian McCaffrey because MVP voters are boring and predictable – but at least he still gets to be a very obscure future Trivial Pursuit/bar trivia answer.

Winner: Kickers

That's it: Football culture is no longer allowed to make fun of kickers.

For most of last night's game, in a star-studded battle with the likes of Patrick Mahomes, Christian McCaffrey, George Kittle, Travis Kelce and Deebo Samuel, we genuinely could've had a kicker win Most Valuable Player. In fact, there was a point where the two most viable MVP candidates were Jake Moody and Harrison Butker, as they were the only two dudes on the field who could score any damn points. And they even did so in impressive fashion, the former setting the Super Bowl record for the longest field goal before the latter out-kicked him by two yards just a quarter later. Meanwhile, Niners punter Mitch Wishnowsky had almost as much screentime as Taylor Swift, booting the ball away five times on the night – three times within the Chiefs' 20 and once even within the three. 

If you were a newbie watching last night's Super Bowl for the game, you'd think kickers were the most important position in football and that everyone should draft kickers in the first round of the draft. (And if you're the Packers, maybe you should.) (Too soon; I'm sorry.) 

Loser: The new CBS scorebug

There are always a ton of big debuts and premieres every year around the Super Bowl, and last night was no different. No, I'm not talking about you, "Tracker." I'm obviously talking about the new scorebug/lower third graphic for CBS. 

Leave it to CBS to make their new scorebug for visually impaired elders. But really, though, it looks like a Photoshopped chyron people put on fake new broadcast screencaps. I will never believe what the score or clock says on this Microsoft Word-looking thing. 

Winner: Taylor Swift

No, not because she made it to the big game well in time. Or because her boyfriend won the whole dang thing and she got to enjoy a Super Bowl confetti shower in her first season of hardcore football fandom. Or because she seemingly had more screentime than both head coaches combined. In fact, the reason she's a winner somehow didn't even make the broadcast:

How, CBS? How did you miss this? Not since the Geico Cavemen sitcom has this network committed such a broadcasting crime.

OK, so if I have this all straight, T-Swift is a great catchy pop song writer who genuinely seems to get emotionally invested watching football games, supports her significant other and can out-chug Aaron Rodgers. And I'm supposed to hate her becauseeeee ... ?

Loser: Dre Greenlaw

There are so many brutal, gut-punching ways to get injured in this meat-grinding gladiatorial combat we call football – and somehow this is one of the most brutal and gut-punching, watching the Niners star defender get pumped to get on field, onto the game's biggest stage and onto his dream, only for his Achilles to decide "nah" for no reason. 

This is the most I've ever felt for a football player – not only in the cosmic random cruelty of it all but also because I can relate to hurting myself by simply trying to move. 

Winner: This cameraman

I know fate is a jerk because somehow Dre Greenlaw got hurt running onto the field but no one got injured in this moment:

Congratulations to L'Jarius Sneed for discovering a potential second career as an Olympic hurdler – and congrats to this cameraman for discovering a potential second career as Neo dodging bullets in "The Matrix."

Loser: Tony Romo

It wasn't that long ago that Tony Romo was the golden boy of football analysts, predicting playcalls and energetically capturing the vibe of the game. If that was like his glorious Dallas Cowboys debut years, though, he's now in his "botching the game-winning field goal hold against Seattle" era right now. 

But really, quite literally Romo botched the game-winning play in the Super Bowl, desperately trying to explain the new overtime rules in a way that neither made the finale more clear for the audience nor communicated the excitement of the decisive moment. What should've felt like a cathartic moment instead was at worst confusing and at best unfulfilling as a viewer. Say what you will about Buck and Aikman, but they know pretty well how to stay out of the way of a big moment, saying just enough to say everything. 

That'd be bad enough – but it's not like Romo showered himself in glory during the rest of the game, either. In fact, you could debate his efforts on the final play, trying his best to dealing with the confusion and uncertainty of the new rules that even baffled one of the teams ... but you can't really debate how annoying his constant over-excited "JIM!"-ing and "leverage" talk became. Or his "three not being four" and other Madden-esque analysis, without the folksy charm. Or his unbalanced levels of enthusiasm, getting overly amped about some obvious calls while letting some others go by. (There were some REAL spotty placements on some key downs in this game, right? Why didn't we talk about that as much as Kyle Juszczyk's catch that definitely was a catch?) Or ... whatever is going on here:

Is this Take Your Kid To Work The Super Bowl Broadcast Day?

It seems clear that Romo's fan-like enthusiasm from his debut season was appreciated – and therefore further encouraged to the point where he's amped about EVERY play and can't stop chatting over moments like he's that guy at the bar who talks like he's the broadcaster, as opposed to behaving like the ACTUAL broadcaster. Hopefully he returns to form next year – or else his analyst tenure will play out a lot like his Cowboys career: a promising start with diminishing returns.

Winner: Usher

First of all, no one has ever showed up more comfortable to the biggest moment in their lives:

The R&B pop star looked just at home on the Super Bowl stage, though, putting on a pretty stellar halftime show with the help of his famous friends. Most Super Bowl shows have gone really hard on theatrics, from The Weeknd scampering around light mazes to Rihanna's visually remarkable floating set – so it somewhat threw audiences off-balance when Usher's halftime show was just, basically, a concert. Sure, blown out to Super Bowl levels with live bands, roller-skating dancers posing in gravity-defying ways and mosh pits of crazed Apple extras – but it also just felt like a showman putting on an old-school display of talent, crooning charisma and, yes, a well-teased display of pecs and abs (aka the moment the nation's birth rate collectively jumped.)

Some complained about the set's opening, beginning with a lot of the artist's slower jams, but when you've got classic sultry grooves with the moves to go with them like Usher does – and when you know you've got Lil' Jon, Ludacris and "Yeah!" in your back pocket – you can trust that the audience will stick with you. Consider the slow start a tribute to the Chiefs Super Bowl offense. 

In the end, there've been a lot of impressive Super Bowl shows – but most have felt like shows. This one felt like a legitimately concert, one I found myself really wishing I could've attended. 

Loser: The new overtime rules

From the makers of "what is a catch" comes the sequel no one asked for: When does overtime end?

Tony Romo received a lot of deserved guff for talking over the final play of the game, but I understand why he'd want to step in because, for most audiences, it sure looked like the Chiefs' comeback was about to run out of Super Bowl ... and no one on the team seemed to care. Back in the old days – aka five years ago – the team that scored first in overtime would've won, period. But we all hated that version, ending games on basically the coin toss – so then the NFL switched to, essentially, first touchdown wins, where the first team with the ball can win with a touchdown but the opposing team has a chance to retort if they settle for a field goal.

That made enough sense ... so obviously that had to be amended. So now, apparently, overtime in the Super Bowl is essentially a second game, where both teams get full possessions no matter what – even if the clock on overtime runs out. We have now Overtime and ... Overtime Again? So why have a clock then? Or why not increase the clock? And what benefit does the team winning the toss and receiving the kick get anymore? Sure, the ref technically explained all of this before the overtime ... but come on, no one listens to that. Even the Niners didn't! It's like the end credits on a streaming show.

The most annoying part of all of this is there's a great solution already out there! College football had an easy and simple formula for overtime: Each team gets the ball from the same point on the field, and each team gets a turn to get the better score. If the teams keep matching each other and it keeps going, two-point conversions become enforced. It's simple, easy ... and clearly unacceptable, so now we have a Super Bowl moment that's iconic even despite itself. 

Winner: Beyonce

Beyonce saw Taylor Swift announce new music while accepting an award at the Grammys and thought, "I can top that."

Indeed, Beyonce managed to hijack the Super Bowl, surprise announcing a new album plus two brand new songs at the end of her Verizon ad and sending everyone to the internet for the next fifteen minutes searching for the drop. Thankfully there wasn't much to miss in terms of the game – though I hope she sent a nice fruit basket and maybe a loose Grammy she can give away to whatever companies had ads after her. (Her commercial was like the Will Smith slap at the Oscars: I know things happened afterwards and that trophies were handed out, but I couldn't tell you anything about any of 'em!)

Honestly, though, the best part of it all ... was that the ad itself was actually pretty good!

The concept is clever and matches what the ad is actually selling, Tony Hale is an expert at hilariously playing gopher, and even Beyonce herself feels like she's having some fun here. Sure, it's very brand-management-y, but there's more play here than in her recent Serious Diva mode moves. It cut through the clutter and actually made me laugh, so I call it a success – so much so I'll politely not say anything further about the new country-fried tracks!

Loser: J.J. Watt's hair

The atmosphere was clearly electric in Vegas for the Super Bowl – I mean, just look at J.J. Watt's hair:

The former Wisconsin great and Houston Texans all-star found out the hard way that life in the spotlight's a lot harder when you don't get to wear a helmet covering your head for it all. At least he handled his Sugar Ray cosplay hairdo like a pro:

Winner: Ice Spice

It takes a lot to draw attention away from Taylor Swift in her star-studded suite of dreams – but Ice Spice pulled it off Sunday night, starting with her look of bafflement listening to host Swift-splain the game ... 

She looks like me trying to explain who Ice Spice is to my parents. But she wasn't done, as she later expertly played the camera while an important play was probably happening on field: 

And for a final encore, there was her looking totally packed up and ready to go at during the game's final cutaway shots, like you could practically hear her sighing, "I was told there would only be four quarters." That woman clearly had places to be and those places were far from having to care about Brock Purdy. If I'm a network or streaming company, I am paying top dollar for a Swift and Spice take on the Manning cast. Blake Lively can come too – though clearly it will then have to come with a language warning.

Loser: The streaker "streaker"

The quarterback standing on screen looking annoyed and confused? Cameras lingering shots of coaches not doing any coaching? The announcers filling air by talking about how nice their hotel rooms are and "momentum"? They can all only mean one thing: WE'RE GOIN' STREAKIN'! Or ... not?

I'm sorry: If you're not naked on the field, you're not streaking. You're just a lost drunk person. I'd call it stolen valor, but broadcasts don't even show you anymore so there's no valor in it. Even radio voice Kevin Harlan couldn't be bothered to give it his usual grandiose flair.

This is the rare case where it's more embarassing to be caught with your pants up. 

Winner: Matt Damon

For the most part, the Dunkin Donuts ad is actually the worst kind of Super Bowl spot: celebrity cameos for the sake of celebrity cameos, Russian doll branding with J. Lo advertising her new movie/music inside the commercial itself, a lack of clarity around what the product actually IS that they're selling. (Apparently ... what if an iced coffee came with a donut shish kabob?)

But then – and it's been a while since I've been able to say this as a positive – Matt Damon showed up:

"Sometimes it's really hard to be your friend" is easily the ad line of the night – mostly because Damon delivers the line perfectly, like he just recently watched "Runner Runner." But also because ... 

Losers: Too many ads with too many celebrities

It's been this way for a while, but now it's impossible to ignore: Super Bowl ads are in a dire state. There used to be VISION, dang it – and when there wasn't vision, there were TALKING FROGS and CATCHPHRASES. Now, there's just celebrity cameos – no concepts, nothing particularly funny for them to say, just each ad trying to pile on as many famous people (John Cena! Tom Brady! People from "Suits"! Tom Brady again! People from "Suits" ... again? Do these ad companies not talk to each other?) as possible. Spots now feel less like they're trying to sell audiences something and more like they're showing off their marketing agency's rolodex.

Even when the ad isn't a glorified red carpet walkway of celebrities pointing out that they're here, they're shoehorning in celebs without any reason. The Doritos Dina & Mita ad has a decent playful concept ... but why is Jenna Ortega there, besides to amp up the ad's SEO and collect the easiest paycheck she will ever receive? Meanwhile, TikTok star Addison Rae's silent SEO-boosting random appearance at the end of the Nerds Gummi Clusters ad somehow erased my memory of the previous 25 seconds – and do you how distracting you have to be to erase the memory of a giant red gummi baby monster doing "Flashdance?" Seems counterproductive! (Though, as somebody who saw her Netflix "She's All That" reboot, maybe giving her less to do is best.)

These ads thing these celebs will make them stand out – but when every ad thinks the same thing, none of them stand out. I mean, come on: If you're going to pay these people big money, why not give them something to do? Classic modern Hollywood: bigger budgets for somehow less impact.

Though, in fairness to Hollywood ... 

Winner: "Twisters"

Finally somebody remembered there's value in surprise and grabbing an audience's attention!

Some of the most notable commercials in the Super Bowl were the movie trailers because they were the first time anyone had seen them – as opposed to most spots that are now revealed days beforehand and become old news right when they're finally hitting the screen. 

"Twisters," the sequel to the '90s hit disaster movie (rated PG-13 for, no joke, intense depiction of very bad weather), got everyone's attention, and not just because Glen Powell is a tremendously compelling new star, now with a cowboy hat! The special effects don't look great, but it's still in progress – and I love seeing the potential return of the big-budget disaster movie. I don't, however, love to see that the poster for the movie apparently forgot the name of the movie: 

TwistersX

HOW IS THERE ONLY ONE TWISTER ON THE POSTER FOR "TWISTERS"?! YOU HAD ONE JOB! But really: Why are we hiding that there are multiple twisters? That'd be like hiding the musical component of an iconic famous musical – and WHO WOULD DO THAT!?

Loser: A.I. ads

A.I. was clearly the crypto of this year's Super Bowl – hopefully with the same fate, too. And judging by the response to ads that looked more computer than creative, it just might!

First, there was the He Gets Us ad. Putting aside the idea of spending $14 million on WWJD commercials rather than putting it toward, I don't know, doing what Jesus would do, the whole ad was designed with A.I. images – which somehow was more alarming and uncomfortable than the weird foot focus that only Quentin Tarantino and Rex Ryan would find compelling. Then there were the Temu ads, which also looked cheaply A.I.-generated animation while also confusing my brain. Is Temu a video game, or is this Amazon Lite? At least business is going well there. Oops.

A good general rule of thumb: If even the Minions are dunking on using something like A.I., then don't use it. 

Winner: CeraVe

As anyone whose seen the state of my skin and pores can predict, I don't really know what CeraVe is – but I do know a quality pun and line reading when I hear one. And luckily, their ad has both – a clever play on Michael Cera's name with the "Superbad" actor dramatically talking about his passion for human skin. Don't worry: He means it in a funny way, not a "Silence of the Lambs" way.

See, this is how you use a celebrity appearance in a way that connects to the brand and actually gives them something funny or notable to say! More like CeraVeryGoodJob!

Loser: People still watching the Super Bowl for the commercials

But really, though: We're not watching commercials on Super Bowl Sunday anymore. We're watching commercials FOR commercials, ads that are hoping to drag us away to watch the ACTUAL ads available elsewhere. 

The surprise factor of the new "Deadpool" trailer earned it hype, but the actual preview itself – the version most people saw during the game, the version that cost $7 million – was kind of dud because it was a tease of a tease. We're not excited; we instead feel cheated. Between the trimmed-down Super Bowl ads saving the best versions of their jokes for YouTube and companies debuting their ads a week in advance, making the big game a big afterthought, it's bad news for the days of staying glued to the couch avidly watching the commercials as much as the game – but I suppose that's also great news for audiences' bladders!

Winner: People arguing for a Saturday Super Bowl

For years, people have argued that perhaps the Super Bowl should be played on Saturday night, letting people go wild and enjoy the pageantry (aka the alcohol) of the big game without having to deal with pesky work responsibilities with a hangover just 12 hours later. And for years, I've scoffed at the idea. Sorry, but Saturday night isn't primetime viewing; it's where abandoned TV shows go to die. Important entertainment happens on Sunday. 

But here I am, tired, cranky and dissheveled the next day from a whole extra quarter of Super Bowl-ing (aka booze punch drinking) with things to do ... and I'm bleary-eyed thinking maybe Saturday isn't such a bad idea after all. At the very least, as soon as we hit overtime last night, the president should've given the entire country an official holiday or signed doctor's notes by executive order. JUST LIKE THE FBI AND WHITE HOUSE PLANNED ALL ALONG! The president scheming to give me a day off because the football was too good? Now THAT'S a conspiracy theory I can get behind. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.