By Matt Mueller Culture Editor Published Feb 08, 2017 at 3:01 PM

Have you watched the ads for those Taco Bell fried chicken-shelled chalupas and thought to yourself, "That looks too healthy"? Do you demand something infinitely more grotesque for your eyes, taste buds and heart valves? Well, the heart-hating gastronomy wizards working in the dark shadowy cauldrons of KFC have created something even more terrifying to sate your seemingly suicidal food cravings: The Chizza.

Yes, unsatisfied with merely ruining the concept of a sandwich with the Double Down a while back, KFC has now decided to ruin the beloved idea of pizza with The Chizza, a personal pizza – complete with tomato sauce, mozzarella and toppings – but with fried chicken taking the place of the crust. For reasons unknowable to the human mind, it seems the pineapple option – decked with whatever "chicken ham" may be, pineapple and a cheese goo – is the main one KFC is pitching.

And listen, between the bacon bottom and mac bottom options served up at SoLo's Summerfest stand, summoned from the most delicious circle of hell, we're no strangers to death-defying pizza alchemy. But this looks just ... horrifying.

Is it just me, or is it shaped like a heart? IT'S TAUNTING US AND OUR FRAIL HUMAN ARTERIES!

Yep, it's mocking us.

There is a light at the end of this fat-clogged tunnel: The Chizza has yet to reach American shores. According to the AV Club, there's still an ocean between us and this monstrosity, as it's been testing its way across Asian markets for a few years now – starting in the Philippines before moving to the likes of Japan, India, Taiwan and, most recently, Singapore – with no U.S. announced release date yet. 

But make no mistake: Like the cold hand of death, it's coming. 

Matt Mueller Culture Editor

As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.

When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.