OnMilwaukee.com features a series called "Switch Shift" that requires the editors to work a few hours at a job that's very different from their usual work. For example, managing editor Bobby Tanzilo worked as a used record shop clerk, senior editor Drew Olson flipped burgers at George Webb and I was a magician's assistant for master illusionist David Seebach.
For about a year, OnMilwaukee.com publisher Andy Tarnoff and I have chatted about the possibility of me taking a "shift" as a member of the Brew City Bruisers female roller derby team. This sounded like fun to me, and I even picked potential names: Molly Ringworm or Molly McBlooder.
So with all of this in mind, my kids and I went to the last Brew City Bruisers' bout on Saturday night.
It was my sons' first time seeing live roller derby -- I had seen a bout once before -- and, as always, the bad asses-on-wheels put on an entertaining show and a great fight despite their losses. (In the first half, the Brew City Battlestars lost to the Steel City B-Unit, 124 to 195; and in the second half, the Brewcity Allstars lost to the Steel City Steel Hurtin', 45 to 168.)
However, while watching the bouts, I came to the conclusion that there is no way in hell I could hang with these surly rollers.
My mediocre skating skills -- developed solely during the ‘80s at Waukesha Skateland -- are not going to help me in the least. These grrls are competitive speed demons with a crap-ton of talent and skill. Sadly, I came to the conclusion that if I attempted a single lap with my sub-par skating abilities I'd end up extra-flat roadkill in fishnets.
Maybe Molly Ringworm will lace up in the next life.
Molly Snyder started writing and publishing her work at the age 10, when her community newspaper printed her poem, "The Unicorn.” Since then, she's expanded beyond the subject of mythical creatures and written in many different mediums but, nearest and dearest to her heart, thousands of articles for OnMilwaukee.
Molly is a regular contributor to FOX6 News and numerous radio stations as well as the co-host of "Dandelions: A Podcast For Women.” She's received five Milwaukee Press Club Awards, served as the Pfister Narrator and is the Wisconsin State Fair’s Celebrity Cream Puff Eating Champion of 2019.