No pity for Mr. T, eh, "Dancing with the Stars" voters?
Despite being the show's charmingly clunky big-hearted bruiser, the former Clubber Lang was knocked out of the reality competition Monday night. If you're going with the head over the heart, it was an easy choice; Mr. T was obviously the weakest of the remaining dancers, getting by on his surprising dapper demeanor and charming amateur choppiness. Considering his endearing personality, though, it was still a surprise.
At least he left on quite the grace note – "Amazing Grace" at that, providing the score to his emotional and spiritual waltz – and he left on his own terms. Just like he promised on Twitter, his exit was low on jibber-jabber, consisting of mostly just a few earnest thank yous and a quick self-depreciating line or two pried out by Tom Bergeron.
Mr. T's not-quite-expected exit added one more big emotion to a night packed full of them, with both tears and tens dropped. But who had the most memorable night on Most Memorable Year Night – and who will want to forget it? Here's our weekly rankings.
9. Nick Viall
Dance: Rumba
Judges' score: 30 out of 40
Our score: Listen, I'm not here to bag on Nick. Much like the judges, I thought last night's dance – minus the FCC-sweating final lift with Vanessa – was Nick's best of the season, and I'm actually kinda glad that I get one more week of our favorite doofily bland "Bachelor."
But this dude's doomed.
His dance, while an improvement, was still just a 30, as he's still a stiff dancer (I see your abs, Nick, but where are dem hips?!). And worse yet, on a night full of emotion and digging deep into our stars' personal pasts, the theme to Nick's dance was ... "The Bachelor." Again. That famed beacon of sincere emotion. Tonight was a night to get under the surface, and instead, I got more of Nick talking about looking for love and blah blah blah. I had four seasons of that already, buddy. Time to move on – and move off this show.
8. Erika Jayne
Dance: Cha cha
Judges' score: 30 out of 40
Our score: If Nick is to survive, he'll likely have this Real Housewife to thank. Her saving grace is, surviving the bottom two this week, her fans will likely migrate to her support this week. How many fans is that? Fine question, Matt! I doubt many.
Len described her performances as hitting a plateau, and that's about right, both in the steps and the showmanship. You know what you're getting with Erika Jayne: a strong hit of spice covering a lukewarm dance never particularly bad but never particularly good. Add that with the lack of personality coming through – even on last night's feels-heavy night – and she'll be making a return trip to the bottom two.
7. Bonner Bolton
Dance: Foxtrot
Judges' score: 32 out of 40
Our score: The recurring theme from last night's episode: Oh, like the judges are going to rough on that. The judges fangs were absent last night – and understandably so. After hearing stories like Bonner's about nearly losing his life in a bull riding accident and getting his neck stapled back together (was NOT prepared for that image, "Dancing with the Stars" producers), what heartless bastard's gonna come out and say, "Eh, not your finest work."
*clears throat, bravely stands up out of seat* Not me!
Bolton's foxtrot might have felt a little light on challenging content, but he returned to his smooth, solid form from the second week, and the dance's story was well told. It might not be enough to keep him on the show for long, but it's at least enough to make me call him by his actual name this week.
6. David Ross
Dance: Viennese waltz
Judges' score: 31 out of 40
Our score: After dancing a "Magic Mike" routine SOMEHOW NOT TO "PONY," David Ross kept his clothes on this week for a Viennese waltz that was probably his most technical, focused dance so far this season. Which is also to say it was his one of lesser performances. Julianne Hough called it "squatty and skippity"; in my notes, I used the word "hunchy." But whatever goofy-sounding word you chose to describe the dance, it wasn't great.
Luckily, even when he's technically weak, Ross still radiates charm – and the fact the routine was rain delay fodder for Cubs fans at Wrigley Field last night will certainly help rake in some votes. Plus, with Mr. T gone, David Ross fully takes over the season's Delightful Old Man role. I think he'll take to it well. Can't imagine why.
5. Heather Morris
Dance: Cha cha
Judges' score: 35 out of 40
Our score: Another week, another ... wait, did I already use this last week for Heather Morris? Uuuuuuugh. Yes, the "Glee" star's memorable year story was sweet, and the cha cha was strong. Some of her moves even had that hip swivel that smooth, suave professionals have ... wait for it ... almost as though she's a former professional dancer! Morris is clearly one of the best actual dancers on the cast, but you expect it. She's almost boringly good – so much so your mind wanders.
My mind, for instance, wandered off to thinking about the story of the routine, which was cute and well-intentioned ... but also started with her dance partner awkwardly swooping in to replace her husband at the altar. You probably shouldn't read that literally. And you probably shouldn't read it as a routine about how her replacement partner has impressively usurped poor injured Maks either. Oh man, there's so many layers to this routine! I take everything back – routine of the night.
4. Normani Kordei
Dance: Rumba
Judges' score: 32 out of 40
Our score: After weeks of having to scamper off to Fifth Harmony in between episodes, this week, it was her fellow pop stars' turn to represent on the "Dancing with the Stars" stage. And it was ... pitchy. I'm not sure if the first half of the routine suffered because of poor footwork or because of poor singing, but either way, it didn't play great (hopefully this doesn't inspire any new Fifth Harmony drama). Luckily, Kordei whipped it together by the end, delivering an overall impressively powerful yet smooth routine. Might want to leave the rest of Fifth Harmony on the road for the next show, though.
3. Nancy Kerrigan
Dance: Foxtrot
Judges' score: 33 out of 40
Our score: Going into the night, I expected Kerrigan's personal story to be about the infamous Tanya Harding incident or some other ice skating saga. Kerrigan went a lot deeper than that, however, sharing the intimate story of wanting more children after her first but instead enduring several painful miscarriages. It was a remarkably moving, deep cut of a personal anecdote, told beautifully in her foxtrot. The dance wasn't perfect – maybe a balance struggle here and there – but that's easily forgiven for a well-constructed and lyrical (to borrow Bruno's words) routine performed with smooth grace and elegance.
That being said, can we retire using Coldplay's "Fix You"? There's no better way to turn genuine emotion trite.
2. Simone Biles
Dance: Viennese waltz
Judges' score: 36 out of 40
Our score: The only bad thing about Simone Biles' beautiful Viennese waltz? It had to come late in the show after Rashad Jennings' routine. When Biles ended the dance by running into the arms of her adopted parents in a moment of earnest emotion, it's a bummer my first thought was, "Hey, didn't I see this 20 minutes ago?" But that's not her fault, and the dance overall was very lovely and lovingly performed. There's enough room in the world for two exceptional heart-tugging "Dancing with the Stars" routines about family.
But about that Rashad Jennings' number ...
1. Rashad Jennings
Dance: Contemporary
Judges' score: 39 out of 40
Our score: I got into the "Dancing with the Stars" recapping racket to watch borderline competent dances, make snarky commentary about the C-list celebs hoofing them and see what hammily leering comments Bruno Tonioli would make. I did not come here expecting to feel genuine emotion and shed tears.
But dear reader, I cried. I cried to a football player dancing to a Katy Perry song. And frankly, I'd judge if you didn't too.
Jennings' chosen year – the time he briefly gave up his football ambitions to be closer to his ailing, distant father – was a beautiful story of selflessness and unconditional love, told gorgeously through Emma Slater's outstanding choreography and the athlete's elegant, deeply felt movements. It wasn't merely a terrific dance for "Dancing with the Stars" or for a televised competition; it was just a terrific display of art – and Jennings' eloquent thoughts on the dance afterward just sealed the deal.
The routine earned the season's first 10s – and almost its first perfect score (friggin' Len). And deservedly so. I'm welling up a bit just writing about it. Hey "Dancing with the Stars," you don't get to show David Ross waggling his two balls and a strike one week and then have me holding back tears while writing in a Starbucks! This emotional whiplash will not stand!
As much as it is a gigantic cliché to say that one has always had a passion for film, Matt Mueller has always had a passion for film. Whether it was bringing in the latest movie reviews for his first grade show-and-tell or writing film reviews for the St. Norbert College Times as a high school student, Matt is way too obsessed with movies for his own good.
When he's not writing about the latest blockbuster or talking much too glowingly about "Piranha 3D," Matt can probably be found watching literally any sport (minus cricket) or working at - get this - a local movie theater. Or watching a movie. Yeah, he's probably watching a movie.
